New pictures

I like to keep my photos on my dating page up to date. Mainly because then no one can accuse me of looking vastly different from my pictures if we eventually meet up. Its a well known fact though that other people don't change their photos, or use old ones from 2-3 Years prior. Okay looks aren't everything but it is false advertising!
Some profiles include a picture of a group of people. If this is the only photo its very difficult to work out who is who. In today's world of camera phones, web cams and digital cameras its not hard to take a snap shot of yourself- alone- and not next to your ex ( "oh that my sister") . Its not as if you have to wait for the local chemist or snappy snaps to process your old camera film and then scan, copy and paste is it!

So today I updated my profile photo. The others are only a few weeks or months old, but yet again Ive changed my hair colour so I loaded up a new photo. As always this leads to an influx of new messages. Maybe its just that men look at the pretty pictures, think " oo look a newbie" and just dont bother checking out screen names, details etc. Because every time I get repeat messages from guys who have messaged me before and I have never replied to, or the communication just stopped.
Today is no different. Remember back in April , the story of being stood up on a dog walk ? (standing in the car park alone) Well the same guy sends me a message!

hi there how are u have u had a good christmas xx

Ok , so his screen name has changed, but he still has the same photo, he still lives in the same village and he still does the same job. Does he think Im stupid or has he clearly forgotten who I am ?! So I prompt his memory:


Yes thanks. How was yours?

not bad thanks so wheres near ******(village do you live ?) im in *********(village) xx

Why? So you can make me drive to B****l and stand me up again??!!

you what xx

Dont you remember? I live in S****. You are a courier. We arranged to meet to walk the dog, you didn't pick me up and then told me to drive to ****** cos you were waiting for me there. But you weren't !

are u sure xx

positive. So much so I even wrote a blog about you.

Dont think it was me.x

 Now either I have completely lost the plot or this guy really thinks he can just carry on winding me up! In the end I told him to cast his mind back to April & sent him the link to the blog I wrote. He claims his name is James. Whether he is James, Simon or Fred it doesn't matter to me. I would know that face anywhere! I honestly don't know why I bothered to even reply !

A Year in dating

Nearly a Year ago I started writing this blog about my dating life. Partly because I had so many stories I felt needed sharing to the world and writing a book was too daunting a task. But also as a means of me expressing my emotions and coming to terms with things. Its so easy to bottle feelings up that then overcome you. My wise father once told me to write things down. It may not solve the problem but it does help to release the emotion on to a piece of paper, or in this case the world wide web! Okay so some people can't understand my need to share my personal life to the World for all and sundry to read, but for me it works. In today's technology fueled world its the modern day equivalent to a diary!

This time of Year we tend to see lots of reviews about whats happened in the World over the last twelve months. Considering I haven't written about all my dates, the prospect of looking back is not done with a smile on my face! I consider myself to be quite a happy woman most days (excluding the hours I spend at work) but even I am struggling to raise a smile.
Okay, maybe I'm being  a bit hard on myself and all the Guys I have met. They haven't all been bad. The good ones know who they are as they are all reading this! Some how some of my past daters have evolved into a sort of support network around me. I find myself talking to them and asking their advise over the advise of friends. Maybe its because I feel they know me better than some friends, or maybe its because they are in the same boat. We all want to be happy with someone we love, who loves us back equally for all our faults. These great Guys know me and my faults.  They tell me when to man up, when to walk away, what to look out for, they pick me up when I am down and they laugh with me at my scrapes. And in turn I am there for them. Always ready to chat and lend an ear, like the equivalent of a long distance sharing of a bottle of wine  In my own way I love each one dearly. Otherwise I wouldn't still be in contact with them. It doesn't mean they are my fall back when I've been stood up, I do not look at them as my back up plan. They are decent guys who for whatever reason between us have just become good loyal friends. I honestly wish them luck in finding their life partners and wish them a full life of happiness.Although if they could set me up with my Mr Wonderful I will be eternally grateful!

So as I look back what can I say about 2012 ? Well there have been some winners and some losers. Some highs and some crashing lows. I don't regret anything I have done or written about. I have created some memories along the way, nice restaurants, days out, etc, and some of those memories will stay private to me till my dying day. In writing this blog some people think it gives them the right to mock me for my bad luck in love. I stand tall against those people who do not know the real me. Mock me all you like, to me it just means your own life is lacking in some adventure. Inside though I am probably hurting from your words so often said in jest, but that are actually very hurtful.

This time of Year is always hard for us Singletons. Christmas is all about family and loved ones. When that special person is missing from your life it can mean you feel very lonely. I find myself over emotional at the moment, and ready to burst in to tears at the slightest thing. Its like a bad case of Christmas PMT ! Some one need to rescue me with a years supply of chocolate, baileys and laughter before I let the wallowing in self pity take over. God help the next person who upsets me. Cover your ears for an almighty rant !

So now I just have to keep looking forward. Look over that Wintery horizon and make something happen in 2013. Its the last Year I will spend in my thirties so I need to compile a list of achievable goals. Places to see, things to do. I have tickets to a gig in February and I'm sure one of my guys will come with me if all else fails. A planned trip to see the Superbikes (motorbikes) with one is starting to be formed, so I already have some things to look forward to. I promise my blog will be with me all the way. 

Let the adventures begin !

Sundays

I have never really enjoyed Sundays since I split from my daughters dad. Don't get me wrong its a day off from work and it is the weekend. It isn't because I dread going back to work on the approaching Monday morning, its more that Sundays as a rule are family day , or in today's society family day /dad day.
Sunday is the day most people spend with their loved ones, their partners, kids, family. So when you are single Sundays can seem the loneliest day of the week.

As the Years have gone on I've begun to enjoy Sundays again. Some weekends I enjoy looking forward to the day I have the house to myself, the day the neighbours go out and its so peaceful where I live in rural Essex. Some Sundays I have my daughter, and even though we day not actually spend the day doing much we still have each other. Some Sundays are date day , although these aren't that often as most guys have their children on a Sunday.
Today I woke up not knowing what to expect. I had the potential for a date later on, but I haven't really heard from the Guy with firm plans. So instead of pining over the fact he obviously isn't that interested and is weighing up his options with a few women, I plan to claim this Sunday as Bonnies Sunday.
I have walked the dog in the glorious bright Winter sun, I have tidied up the garden and re potted some plants, I have done a small amount of housework and had a lovely soak in a bubble bath.
Today is my day. No man (even Gerard Butler, Jude Law or Robbie Williams) is going to intrude on my day. I plan to use the day to take my power back. Re group my feelings, find my inner love for myself again. Because if you cant love yourself you wont attract the right people into your life. I'm going to find my spark again.
And woe betide any man who decides to mess me around!

Oh yeah that's not me in my profile picture

So I find myself on line and I spot a nice looking chap. Lives fairly local, drives, single, no children, employed. All main boxes ticked. So I send him a message and we get talking.

From the start his messages are a bit off .As in they don't completely make sense or seem very over the top. Maybe its me, maybe I read far too much into peoples messages or texts.
Hi ya , it sure is a pleasure to meet a beautiful young mother here on this site whom I am attracted to. I love what i saw and read all about you. I am interested in knowing everything and hopefully meeting in person for a quiet drink and a long chat see if we can start a mew love story. You look really lovely with a wonderful smile. can I ask how many children you have? Do you drive? Please..... I am **** how nice to meet you xx

So aside from the small spelling error (forgivable) I found it a bit strange. Then the next message told me how he enjoyed being a Scout leader and then which street he lived on and his mobile number!
I was taken aback. I started to wonder if he was a bit unworldly if you know what I mean. But I continued to chat to him and eventually text him to make it simpler.
Then he sends me 3 photos of himself. I'm pleased to say not of his anatomy ! But it was becoming obvious from the photos that he looked completely different to his one profile photo (I know I broke my rule- 2 photos or no talky!)
So I asked the question:
"You look different in those photos to your profile?"
"Yes, that's because the site would not load me. So I used my twin brothers picture to get me started"

TWIN BROTHER!!?? 

So I checked "So your profile picture isn't you?"
" Its my brother **** as we are twins who is to notice the difference in us? If this bothers you and makes you want to go find someone else to talk to be my guest, its a free country"

I was gobbed smacked.  Okay so you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but come on! I have twin brothers, I went to school with a set of twins, my ex mother in law is a twin! They are each different to the other and there is no way my brothers would try and use each others photos as themselves (well I hope they wouldn't!). Maybe I will post a photo of my mother and say this is what I may look like in 25-30 Years time, or one of my daughter - actually no that's a bad idea ! The net is full of wrong uns already without encouraging them!

So no, I will not be talking to this lookalike again. If he can't be honest straight off he is not worth the future lies!

4 Dates 4 Guys

I normally have a simple approach to dating. Chat on line for a few days, week, trade phone numbers, text and then arrange a date.

Usually I do this one victim, sorry man, at a time. I do tend to chat to a few at once, but then when I meet one I like I then politely tell the other guys that I have met someone and think its only fair to just talk to them. The way I see it is that if they were that lucky guy they would be pleased to know he has my complete attention.
I decided a short while ago that maybe I was being too selective in this process and loosing out on the other interested parties. So I bravely decided to juggle 4 dates with 4 guys in 4 days.

Sounds easy- well not when you factor in the following:
1.Bonnie has a Goldfish brain-which could make for a few wrong names called, or details assigned to the wrong guy!
2. Two dates on one day.
3. Outfit changes and locations.

So first date, lets call him Mr A. We arrange to meet at a mutual convenient pub for a few drinks. I had already said I didn't want to eat as I always find this a nerve racking experience in front of a stranger. Plus if said stranger isn't what you expect you have to sit opposite them for longer than necessary  But at the last minute he asked if we could eat, and he offered to pay (with the added comment "Your turn to pay next time" which lost him a few brownie points).  The evening as a whole went smoothly, he turned up on time, dressed appropriately, was not rude, or too over bearing, but I left thinking there was something lacking between us. Maybe it was my fault, I don't always take a shine to men who are follically challenged- reminds me too much of my ex husband. I left myself to mull it over for a day or so.

Date 2- lets call him Mr B. Saturday evening drinks in a local pub. Date arranged and luckily he arrived early and realised the pub he meant wasn't the one he had said! So he informed me of his error and then waited for me at the bar. I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw and our evening went very well. We seemed to click and had a fair few things in common.Mr B was attentive, and I went home with the memory of a very enjoyable evening in my head.Considering it was his first date in a long time I thought he coped very well.

Date 3- Mr C. This date was organised for a Sunday lunchtime. Mr C lived nearer to me than Mr A or the future Mr D (who I was to meet later that evening). I arrived at the pub, spotted his work van and waited for him to get out. He produced a bunch of flowers for me (bonus points) but alas it seemed apparent that his photo on his profile was probably from about 5 or more Years previous, when he was a few stone lighter. Now I'm not one to judge on weight, so I continued to try and enjoy his company, but I found him very difficult to talk to and just couldn't connect with him. So after a couple of drinks we parted company. Unfortunately he was under the impression I liked him more than I did and I had to let him down about the possibility of meeting up again.

Date 4- Mr D. A Sunday evening drink in yet another pub. (Thank god I know a few pubs !). Arrived early and the pub car park was empty.Not a good sign. He arrived and unfolded himself from his car (tall tall for me !) and we went into the Pub. At the bar we were informed the pub closes at 9pm (It was 7.30) and to be honest I was releaved. We struggled to make conversation for an hour and nursed one drink. We then said our goodbyes and parted company.

So all the stresses of texting 4 Guys at the same time boiled down to just one good potential second date ! But it made for a fun few days of finding new locations for drinks and outfits to wear. If I had done those dates the normal way of one at a time I would have wasted a month meeting each one. So I suppose multi first dating has its bonuses !

Now where is my Mr B for our second date !

A one way meeting

A short story.......
So I had been communicating with a gentleman for a few days when I mentioned I was going to see a local band. He said he had seen them before and had noticed they were playing and thought he might go along too with his mates. So it seemed like a good opportunity to say Hi without it actually being a first date. Perfect. Easy. Simple. As he admitted he was quite shy I thought this random hello meeting would be a good way to break the ice.
So the night arrived, and I made a good effort to like good. Once inside the bar I became a bit nervous and made sure I had my back to the door so I wasn't watching EVERY man who walked in. It was tough though and I started to think it was a bad idea! I had seen a couple of pictures of him but in each one he looked completely different. So every guy who walked past was potentially him! I had arrived major early to have a gossip with my friends and so text him to find out what time he was planning on being there. He said around 10, so I settled into enjoying the band and a good night out.

Finally around 10.45 I received a text from him saying "Wow very sexy,nice legs". See, I had been thoughtful and sent him a picture of what I was wearing so he could spot me. I smiled and tried not to look around too much and just replied with "Thank you. So where are you?" His response "Not far from you. I'm shy and you are way out of my league"
On principle I was determined not to turn round and look too hard for him. I was slightly miffed that he didn't have the balls so to speak to stick his neck out and just say Hi. I was even more put out by the fact that from that moment on I knew he was watching me and I didn't know where he was. It was a bit off putting! I text him as we were about to leave and said "I'm off now and I cant believe you didn't say Hi." I must have walked passed him on my way out but I stuck to my guns and didn't look for him.

Talk about a wasted opportunity! It was like a one sided date! He could see me but I was blind to him ! Believe me I wont be suggesting that idea again!

A grown up goodbye

Sometimes things happen for a reason. And other times things don't happen for a reason. Its sad when all your initial hopes and dreams fall down around you, but its better to be honest with each other, wish each other well and move along.
The important thing when this happens is how you deal with it. Act like a grown up, no matter how much it upsets you, or winds you up or makes you feel depressed and a failure or rejected. There is nothing worse than a bad parting, no matter how short or long the length of time you have known each other. No one plans to let someone down, or dash their dreams. In short its just life and another twist in the road.
Two people who continue blindly with a relationship, even in its early stages, just to try and prove a point, or just because they don't want to be alone are just lying to each other and themselves. Eventually it will fall apart, and further down the line is always more emotional. Why lie about your beliefs or feelings ? It always comes out in the end. Be truthful to yourself and treat others as you wish to be treated.

Don't reduce yourself to trading insults or accusing others of leading you on. Be graceful in defeat and just reflect on it as a short detour to your final destination.
I have met a lot of nice guys over the last few years, but for whatever reason we have not continued onto a lasting romance. Each one is a new chapter in my life story, a short paragraph or a whole section. No one knows where we will end up as we all walk this life not knowing what or who is around the corner.

So here's a big thanks to all the nice guys I have met, and wish them well in their lives. They have all influenced me in some way or another and helped me find my true path.

Lessons about myself.

Its been about 2 Years since I started online dating (this time around!) and looking back I can say I have learnt plenty about mankind and myself. I've never claimed to be perfect, or whiter than white, I'm just your average girl looking for her Mr Right. I chose to meet people via the internet as my lifestyle and friend network means its probably the only way I can meet potential mates. Its not as if I'm in my twenties and can go out trawling the clubs and bars anymore. Well if I did I would look like Mrs Robinson searching for her graduate!
I have tried various sites, and even paid for one subscription, against my better judgement. I am of the belief that why should I line someones pockets with money because my sad specimen of a love life needs help. So I flatly refuse to pay another penny to a dating site. Besides, most of the so called matches I saw on my profile were either miles and miles away or I had previously spotted their pictures on the other free sites.

So what have I learnt about myself. Well I'm a bit of a dreamer- I still believe my prince will come and rescue me from my solitude. I am impatient- I want him to be here now, and when he does turn up I want it all to happen straight away! I get carried away with my dreams and just want to get to the happy ever after rather than living the long fairy tale with all the twists and turns. But I am also a realist- I realise I am not perfect, and I do not expect my prince to be so either. We all have our faults, our quirks (I probably have a fair few), and its all about accepting the minor dents in someone if the bigger picture is worth it.  I'm too forgiving- I always give people probably more chances than they should have. I treat every new person to enter my life as a clean slate and trust them from the start. Maybe I'm too trusting and should be a bit more careful with whom I let into my inner circle. I think too much, I read far too much into texts or conversations. I think this is just something all women do, and I have now got this under control. You can send yourself crazy wondering what someone is implying, in the end you just have to ask or forget about reading into things. I am happy in my own company, I don't need to be with someone 24/7, I enjoy my peace and quiet. I find peace tending to my small garden and reading. It may make me sound old but its a dam sight more enjoyable than watching the tele every night.
I am more at one with my intuition, my inner me. I listen more to those nagging feelings that before I would have ignored. I normally know when something is off kilter before I get told. I can be moody sometimes, but that is a woman's born right! We are allowed to be! Although it does take a lot to wind me up or annoy and upset me, so I am quite placid. But as anyone who knows me will tell you I do fire up when I'm pushed. I can be quite passionate about my beliefs and defending my honour.
Above all I have come to realise that I am me, and there is nothing wrong with me. If something doesn't work out the way I would like, it isn't because I am a bad person, or impossible to get along with. Its just that it wasn't meant to be. The friendship has run its course and fate or destiny have something bigger in mind for me. I try not to get down over lost chances, and always look for the next door to open. Looking back is something we all do. I look back at my past and places I have been, and remember them for opportunities to visit places rather than look back and remember the person I went there with.

I believe in me. And that's the only way I can keep my heart from breaking every time a relationship crashes and burns. If you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you ? I refuse to turn into a man hater with a stone cold black heart. My heart will always be open, as you never know who is waiting around the corner for your smile.

Children- present and potential.

Its funny how when looking through peoples online profiles that even at the tail end of my 30's there is a wide spectrum on the offspring front. By that I mean some guys hitting there 40's don't have any children (well none they admit to or know about) whilst others have 1 or 2 or a few more. Like it or not the subject of Children is always going to come up. If you are a parent you know how important they are in your life, and thus how big a deal it is to any potential relationship.
For starters its trying to juggle being with your kids and having a dating life or free time. We all feel bad going out and leaving them with a babysitter or home alone if they are old enough. But we realise we need to meet our potential mate without the influence or distraction of the mini you around. You can't get to know someone if either of you are distracted by the kids. A friend of mine had a first date with a guy who bought along his two children, both preschool age, and she had to duck the toys that were being hurled at her!

Secondly if one of you doesn't have kids it is somewhat difficult to explain why you cant just drop everything and go away on a romantic weekend break at the last minute. If you are anything like me I would love to be whisked away. But it takes planning- days or weeks of begging a grandparent (or ex) to have the kids for you, making sure the children don't see it as some sort of abandonment of them for your potential new love interest (believe me I've had that accusation thrown at me a few times- and not just by my daughter!) and getting over your own guilty feelings of putting yourself first for once.
Now factor in the potential of you both having children from previous relationships. This adds in another hurdle for date availability. As a rule most fathers have their kids weekends, or every other, most mothers have the kids during the week. So someone has to be the one to leave the kids at home. I have always tried to have date nights on my free nights as I hate leaving my daughter as she is growing up way way too fast (I heard the phrase love bite mentioned in conversation with a group of her mates- now I'm getting scared!) But when free time is limited sometimes you have to grab any chance you have. Otherwise my life becomes an endless cycle of up before 6am, walk dog, go to work, come home, cook,clean, help with homework, food shop, walk dog, catch an hour of t.v. or read then bed. And repeat . All work and no play definitely makes Bonnie a dull girl !!
But when do you introduce the kids and the match (or not match usually in my case)? Well the last imposter (I will call him that because he was no real man, just a spineless jerk who played the game and told me what I would want to hear) suggested an early meet as he was of the belief that if him and said teenager didn't get on then it would be a stumbling block in the potential relationship. I can see that as a valid option, as I have been in that position many years ago. When children are younger they do become possessive and see a new adult in their parents life as a threat to the love their parent has to give. That's when you have issues to deal with which can make or break even the strongest relationship. Luckily as my daughter has got older all she cares about is if her mother is available to ferry her around for her social life, which is way better than mine was as a teenager and better than mine is even now! I'm more of the thinking that you need to get to know each other first before you introduce the two sections of your life. You have to feel sure they wont run at the first temper tantrum thrown by either you or your child, and that all concerned can get on well.

At some point the question will be asked about future children. Do you both want more or is that just one sided. This part of the children issue is always where I pre-judge if I should even talk to a new mate. I would in my heart love another child, but I always said I wouldn't until I had my daughter more often (I have a split custody with her father). But as the years went on and I had my daughter more, I was never with the right guy (or even a guy) to even contemplate bringing another child into the world. Now unfortunately I have to deal with the fact its pretty much an impossibility for me to become a mother again. I have spent a number of years coming to terms with this fact, that unless I spend a whole heap of money, and time and heartbreak, I am not able to have any more children. But the hardest part is telling a suitor of this fact. When do you bring that up in the conversation? Too soon is too heavy, too far in is too late. Its a make or break question- "do you want more or any children?"  Because of this I have tended to avoid dating guys who do not already have kids. I don't want to tell them that if they stick with me they are unlikely to be a dad. Due to this I have narrowed down my potential matches. Maybe I'm cutting out a few love interests. I should really be brave and ask these guys before I meet them if children are a major factor in their future. So from now on I won't dismiss these guys, I will ask a few questions and see if they are man enough to take on a woman who has everything to give them except an heir to their kingdom.

Reasons

The saying goes

"Some People come into your life for a reason."

I have recently noticed I can work out how and why I have entered other peoples lives, but I'm buggered if I can see why so many idiots, sorry, men have come into my life and what lessons I need to learn from them.
On more than one occasion, I have helped a young man find himself again, or get over a bad break up, or made them smile, or shown them what life is all about. But what exactly have these guys given me in return apart from heartache and a bewildering view on the male race!
The new let down statement seems to be "Bonnie you are too good for me. You deserve better"
Now surely that's my decision to make? If I deem you not worthy then so be it. But that's not your decision to make, and it certainly seems a bigger cop out to the old faithful "Its not you, its me".
Dam right its not me! I am loving and giving, funny but slightly mad, and a joy to be around- most of the time.
I keep having to tell myself it isn't anything I have done that sends these guys off back to their ex wives/girlfriends. Its just that they don't have a big enough pair of balls to move on with their lives and do something different. Jump into the unknown future, enjoy life with someone new. No, these boys (they aren't men) would prefer a comfy pair of slippers, the woman who they moan about or are bored with etc rather than a new exciting challenge. They would rather an easy life with someone who they can walk over, as these women are desperate to have them back as opposed to be lonely.

I do deserve better. I deserve a man who will stand up to me when I'm being ratty, and for me when I need defending. I need a man who will go that extra mile and not sit back and expect life to fall in his lap along with his dinner. What I need is an equal.
While I'm searching for him I will make sure I don't get fooled again. I wont put up barriers, that's not me, I wear my heart on my sleeve as you never know my match may be round the next corner. After two years of dating I am happy with my own company, I'm not desperate for just any Tom Dick or Harry. Believe me I seem to have found a fair few Dicks in my time recently! But I will be ready for my match, when he appears, and we will walk off into the sunset together, slowly but surely.

Age is a problem

I hadnt planned on writing this as my next blog but a moment ago a guy just gave me all the proof I needed.

As much as most people love the idea of a toy boy the reality falls far too short. I get a fair amount of interest from young men in their twenties. Which yes can give the ego a bit of a boost. But the majority of these "men children" have no idea how to talk to a real woman. They think by talking dirty and telling you how much of a sex maniac they are it guarantees them a date. Okay there are a few women out there who are frustrated and would happily take these boys to bed. But my profile clearly states Im not interested in eating them alive ! The best way to show you an example of what I have to put up with is below. This is the actual transcript of what this 25 year old sent- from his initial contact :

Bigbeads87 says:

Hello xx

Your not 38 xx

bon

Hiya Im good hows you?

I am 38 I promise!

Bigbeads87 says:

Wow u look great I thought u was 28 tops. How r u anyway? X

bon

Im a tad bit older than you!lol! Im ok thanks. Home from work so thats always a bonus

Bigbeads87 says:

Monday over and done with lol. Age just a number. U been single long? Xx

bon

2 years! seems far too long to me

Bigbeads87 says:

snap. So met anyone of here before? X

bon

met one guy, from this site anyway. I usually use another one, but getting bored with that one.

How about you?

Bigbeads87 says:

What the other one? I only been on here a,few days.... Xx

bonbno74 says:

Yes the other Site.

is 25 young for u.....  x

bon:

maybe a tad too young, when I have a daughter who is 14!

Bigbeads87 says:

can we forget the ages..... X

bon:

we can for now. but it may come back to haunt you!

Bigbeads87 says:

What u mean? ....  x

bon:

well we can chat but somewher down the line I think it will play a part

Bigbeads87 says:

Well depends if u like to f**ked hard and deep  x

bon says:

and with that you just ruined any chance of getting the best f**k of your life so to speak!

Bigbeads87 says:

Really u didn't seemed to keen lol. What do u do for work? X

bon says:

look Im not looking for a f@@k buddy and feel pretty dam insulted that within 3 messages thats what you came out with. YOU just showed yourself up to be a young imature boy. Now I suggest you go find someone on your level, or learn how to speak to ladies properly

Bigbeads87 says:

Cheer up

Xx

bon:

Hun Im more than smiley.

Bigbeads87 says:

Good . Im bad 

bon:

believe me Im the queen at being bad- but I dont expect to be treated like a walking vagina

Bigbeads87 says:

Cool. So what do u hate doing? Xx

bon

Im sorry but I dont see the point of carrying this conversation on anymore

Bigbeads87 says:

well do u want to meet up? X

bon

with a man not a boy sorry

He just didn't get the hint did he?! After that he still carried on and gave me his number, told me his real name and told me to contact him if I wanted a good seeing to or any electrical work done!

Give me strength! 

Okay I was hasty!

I made myself a vow that I wouldn't remove previous posts- as no matter how things changed, that's how I felt at the time of writing. I'm sticking to that although I feel slighty embarrassed.
As I jumped the gun a bit on the last one.
It doesn't happen often- me owning up to mistakes (take not bosses!) as I don't often get things wrong. But this time I did.
The man from the last blog post redeemed himself. He honestly was tied up flat viewing and text to ask to meet me still, a few hours later than planned.
And boy am I glad I replied yes.
What a breath of fresh air to meet a lovely guy.
Had an enjoyable couple of drinks in a lovely pub garden.
Rounded my weekend off perfectly.

History repeating itself

As Shirley Bassey once sung my life feels " like history repeating itself". I seem to be having the dating equivalent of groundhog day! Its a continual round of no hopers and no shows.  The ones that show up I wish didn't, and the ones who vanish before the arranged date are the ones I wish did appear. Like I mentioned in my last blog post I would rather someone be truthful than leave me hanging.
The latest one seemed very keen , kept me up till nearly 2am texting and was in contact till lunchtime of the arranged evening date. Then boom - all contact severed ! I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was busy and then I get a response to my asking " I don't wanna go getting myself all gorgeous if you going to stand me up" saying "I'm a bit stuck at the moment, looking at a flat" . Okay fair dos, so I ask a bit later (an hour before the arranged date) "I don't want to be a pain but I'm sort of in limbo here! Shall I get ready or not?" 

Guess what? An hour later at the allotted date time still no answer! Now either its a whopping big flat, or his phone has died, or he is out of signal, or he has had an accident or a giant Godzilla type creature tried to kill him or the more likely answer, he has changed his mind. Now as ever I always give someone a chance just in case there is an honest reason why he hasn't even text to say "I'm sorry babe but ...." But come on! Jesus lads grow some blooming balls!
My spare time is precious to me and very limited. My nights when I'm free to go and meet people I value dearly and do not like to be left at the last minute with the whole evening wasted. If I was a bloke I could probably just go down my local pub on my own and meet girls, but as a girl I  can't do that. Society dictates that if I did that I would have a reputation (okay maybe I have one of those already but I haven't sunk that far yet!)
Once again I vow don't let the buggers get you down and bounce back up again ready for the next round!

Excuses Excuses

In all my years of dating I have heard some poor excuses as to why men cant meet up for a date (let alone why they aren't ready for a relationship but that's a whole different blog!) But the one that comes up time and time again is illness. I'm not talking major illness here, just the common all garden cold and flu that seems to render most men incapable of going on a date. They say women are the weaker sex but in my view either men are completely useless at dealing with a sniffle or its just the easiest lie to tell that pops into their heads. In fact given the poor specimens I have met Id say the latter!
Take this as a prime example, lets call him Anthony :
First date- goes very well, interest from both sides, body language looking good, smiles all round etc. Second date arranged for a few days later, instigated by male so I know I'm not being pushy.
The days in between constant stream of texts back and forth.
Day of the date- radio silence. So lunchtime after no reply from a morning text to Anthony, I send a text - "everything okay? still on for tonight?"
Two hours later "er sorry my sons not well and I'm just sorting him out. May have to re arrange tonight, Its not  a blow out I promise, when are you next free?"
I reply with "Tuesday, hope he gets better soon"
And then more radio silence.
The following morning I receive a text- "sorry didn't get home till 12.30"
Now alarm bells ring. Okay his son might have been poorly, but I know his son was only at Anthonys till 6pm, so where the hell has he been? (that sounds like me being a stalker- its not its just a genuine thought) I give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe his son is very poorly and ask "aw whats the matter was it serious?"
Reply " He was being sick "
My response "poor boy. Hope he gets better soon. Would you like to rearrange ?"
" Well the thing is I don't want to make any plans till hes better again"
What??? It's a sickness bug! He hasn't lost a limb or been diagnosed with a serious illness, or even been to hospital. Plus he doesn't live with him just visits at weekends!!
Holy moley I've heard them all now!
Lads just be honest with us women. We would rather know the truth and where we stand than be led a merry dance! Time is precious and rather than me waste my days thinking you are interested, tell me sooner rather than later.
In future if a guy says " Sorry I have a cold can we rearrange?" He will find himself on the end of Bonnies "No radio contact" 

I hate being ignored

I have come to the conclusion I can deal with rejection a dam sight better than being ignored. Years of internet dating has taught me not to take it personally when things don't work out. Usually its me saying "I'm sorry but its just not going to go anywhere", although I have been told the same.
But the one thing I can't cope with is being ignored. It leaves you wondering where you stand, and there's nothing I hate more than someone not being man enough to tell you what exactly is going on.
Maybe its just me, maybe I'm a stress head, a control freak, or maybe it is just because I like to know who is walking the same path as me, by my side. I'm pretty good at reading the signs, but some people blow hot and cold and it is just too confusing even for lil old me!
Its not that I even want to know someones every move, just the simple things (as I've mentioned before) like knowing when you can see each other next, what you fancy doing, or even if you are having a bad day. As isn't that the point of a relationship? You are in it together and share the fun times and the burdens of life? Ease the load on each others shoulders?
Maybe I try too hard in trying to please people and loose sight of the real me.  But then maybe I'm not. Maybe I have just come to realise some people are better at hiding things than others. Although now I think about it, when someone is shying away from showing me attention it tends to mean they have shut me out already. If that's the case then they don't deserve my attention. We only get one life, and sometimes as much as its the hardest thing to do, you just have to walk away from people you care about. If they cant smile on their own and see whats in front of them, then you have to save yourself heart ache and walk the path alone.

Stopping to smell the flowers

After a wonderful weekend, reality hits back by Tuesday. Its amazing how quickly we all get bogged down in the normality of work, food shopping, cooking, housework etc. I have come to the decision I need to slow down and stop to smell the flowers planted along my path.

I won't say too much about my weekend, I want it to stay as one of "our" special memories for now (plus I don't want to jinx things!). But I will say it was everything and more. We spent time just sitting and relaxing and enjoying the tranquility away from the normal rat race. It was idyllic, even the weather held off. I don't think I have smiled and laughed so much in ages. I can't thank him enough for whisking me away and spoiling me. Thank you (I know you are reading!)
But now its back to work and the usual hum drum days. I keep stopping and looking back at the weekend and giggling over a private joke or smiling at the memory of a certain moment. Its made me realise I am always in such a rush. I can be the most impatient person in the world. I have to slow down and enjoy each moment given to me. Life as we all know is far too short.
Relationships are always a rollercoaster. From the initial throes of giddiness and excitment, to the times spent apart pining for each other. The first steps can seem so tough, while you get to know each other and their traits. What they like, what winds them up, when its best to talk on the phone, or do they hate texting, pet peeves, when do you both decide to come off dating sites or announce your new relationship status. But its all a learning curve. I know I'm impatient, I can talk/text too much, I have a small paranoia streak and a normally well hidden small fear of rejection and loneliness. But on the plus side I'm always there for someone, I listen, I'm very caring, I giggle and I try not to take life too seriously. I always find myself worrying about how I come across. I need to just stop and remember that everyone is human. I'm not supposed to be a superstar or expected to be blessed with hidden powers that mean I never do any thing wrong. I am an individual - I'm unique- just like the white Peacock we saw, and I shouldn't be trying to blend in, I just need to be me. We all make mistakes and we all have a past. Its how you enjoy the present and each others company that matters.

 I do believe though that relationships get harder as we get older. Not only do we all have more things to juggle (Kids, sports, mates, work etc) but we also have past experiences we judge people and relationships on. When you're a young teenager in love life is relatively easy. As you get older we tend to get worried about being hurt (can I do this again? Am I too old etc), or is someone lying to us, hiding a secret family, a massive debt, or playing the field. You lay your heart on the line each time and pray that no one will break it.

 So from here on in I promise to take each day as it comes. I'm going to look forward to more good times because I know they will be coming. But I'm going to pay attention to the here and now.  Now is the time to learn about each other, the small things that matter and how to control my worry of rejection.

I'm taking my time to stop and smell the flowers!

Its the little things that matter

I'm definitely not materialistic, and it shows in the things that matter to me. To me I'd rather have a wonderful life with loved ones and simple things, than a big house, holidays and a empty heart.
I'm always interested in knowing the silliest things about dates- for instance- the first car they drove, or the first record they bought, favourite sweets as a child. I pay attention to what they talk about, what they love (from films, to football teams to music) and hope at the same time they pay attention to at least the odd word out of my mouth! Because of this I like to buy small gifts or do something that is personal to them. For instance, a guy I dated loved The Big Bang Theory (a comedy tv series about 4 geeks and a girl who lives across the hall) and we shared a joke one evening about ransom notes. So a few nights on I sat in my living room and cut out letters from a newspaper, arranged them into a quote from the programme, took a photo and sent it to him. He found it very funny and sweet.
In the same way years ago in Barcelona I saw some lovely Blue Roses in the market. They were so unusual and I made a comment to the then boyfriend about them. A few weeks later on Valentines day, flowers were delivered to my home and to my surprise and delight it was half a dozen Blue Roses. It meant so much more to me than any big romantic gesture could ever have done.
Its the small things that matter to me rather than the big ones. Silly things bug me, like for instance if a guy was to say " Oh I saw these really cool VW coasters that you would love. I was going to get them for you but I didn't" Erm kiss of death! I hate the words "I was going to" either do something or don't mention it! I remember an occasion where the man (if you could call him that) I was with rang me one morning. He lived about 45 minutes away from me and was wandering round his local market.

"Hi, I've just seen a great dress you would like to wear around the pool on Holiday- its only a tenner"
"Cool, can you get me one please?"
"well I don't know what colour you want" 
"Whats the options?"
"Blue, green, pink or what size to get you, look it might be best if you come down yourself and pick one" 
"so let me get this straight, you want me to drive 25 odd miles to come and look at a ten pound dress that you are standing next to?"


Honestly! Some men just do not understand how to earn brownie points! Its quite simple:
Listen to what your lady gets excited about (and I don't mean in the bedroom in this instance!)
If you see a little gift buy it for her
Do not say "I was going to but"- just don't say anything about it
Call her or text her out of the blue with those 3 little words. Just so she knows she is on your mind

See easy! Take me on a picnic to my favourite beauty spot, with my favorite foods will gain many many more brownie points than an expensive posh restaurant any day!

That nagging feeling

As a semi professional dater I tend to spot signs that something isn't right quite quickly. Sometimes though I am fooled into believing I'm wrong and just being paranoid. But I think my spidey powers are pretty good and unfortunately again they seemed to have sniffed a little white lie or two that someone has told me.
Now I'm all for Little white lies when need be (I work in customer services so its a part of my working day!) but when someone tells a few porkies it tends to mean you cant trust them or anything they say.
For instance- this one started off with a lie about his age (said 34 when he is in fact 38- but who knows maybe that's a lie too!) and I have my nagging doubts about his occupation, which he had until last week and then changed jobs. He claimed to be a fireman - but never worked nights and always had bank holidays off. Now hes a bus driver- but I have a feeling that's what he was all along. Not that there is anything wrong with being a bus driver- its a job at the end of the day and they are few and far between at the moment. But why lie? The truth comes out in the end . As I started to have my doubts I took to a search on Facebook - to which he claims not to have an account. Erm slight truth in that matter- he doesn't have one, he has two! One states hes single, one states hes in a relationship! He told me they split up in January, but more snooping reveals they were together in February when he posted an "I love you" comment on her page, and she is noted as ending the relationship only at the beginning of April.
Either way I'm starting to remember that we originally talked back in December - I remember him saying he wasn't going out for New Years Eve as he had been out the night before. So when ever they did split up he certainly wasn't single back then!
Moral of the story is dont tell little white lies that can easily be found out! I'm no detective or secret agent, or a stalker for that matter, but I unravelled the story pretty quickly!
In my eyes I think a liar is worse than a cheater. But then neither are top quality human beings! I'm no Miss Innocent and I've made some clangers in the past. But I'm far too old for game playing.
So if anyone asks yes I am single again, because I deserve respect and the truth. I'm not ashamed of being single, or hide the number of guys I have met (okay even I have lost count!). I'm me and eventually my time will come !

Loving yourself

Forgive me Blog followers for I have sinned. Its been nearly a month since my last blog and I know you are all waiting patiently for the next dating disaster to hit your screens! Sorry- its unforgivable I know, but to be fair I had a computer malfunction so for a week or so I had no way of composing this.
Well I'm back now with a new story. Although today isn't about a bad horrific date or a funny on line story. Its just about me and my opinion on a few things.
Although saying that there is a funny story that starting my whole rambling thoughts off. This weekend just gone I found myself at a family function- my youngest nephews Christening. A lovely family day where unlike at a wedding you dont feel that singled out for not being in a couple. During the afternoon my wonderful mother called me over to talk to some of my brothers old school buddies. She was telling them all about her daughters dating blog and my disasters. Not a bad start, until my mother uttered this fateful sentence (although I'm guessing she will deny saying this!)
"The problem  with Bonnie is that when men she meets find out shes a psycho it scares them off"
I kid you not! That was the actual word she used! I was gobsmacked! My mother calling me  a psycho! It took a few moments for me to realise that wasn't the word she meant to use and all was quickly corrected. Her mouth and brain weren't in sync with each other and she had insulted her daughter in error.
But it got me thinking- maybe I am just misunderstood. I honestly don't think 'Im hard work to get on with, I'm not a demanding princess, nor am I high maintenance (although I am prone to the odd mood swing or temper tantrum but as a female I  am allowed to have those!)I'm your typical girl next door type, who likes the countryside, nights out with friends, a good giggle and a nice hug. Okay I do have the odd trait thats a bit bolder than most, but thats what makes me Bonnie. Im unique. And so is everyone else.
And that is why I am happy. Im happy being Bonnie- single, dating, in a relationship or otherwise. I like how I am, I like me. A lot of people don't like themselves or haven't got around to finding out about themselves, which is why they arent happy in their relationships. How can you expect someone to love you when you don't love yourself. You have to know what you want in life to find the right person or people to travel the road with you. Don't get me wrong, Im still learning what I want from life, and I still will change or adapt to whatever happens to me. I have pointers I look for in a potential mate (only 3 mind- too many leads to failure), I know what interests me (simple things mainly) and what I dont like (rollercoasters that turn you upside down and baked beans - yuk!) but Im also open to new ideas or experiences. And somewhere out there is the man to share those things with me. Maybe I've just found him, maybe I haven't. Who knows, either way I won't let it get me down. I am after all a bouncing ball - I will always bounce back, maybe not so high each time, but always with a smile and a story to tell after each encounter. Talking of encounters I worked out how many men I have had dates with this year alone! wow! Next blog I promise to list them (or their alter egos to save their identities) and briefly explain why they werent my prince.

The secret Spy & old photos.

I might have mentioned this subject before - profile pictures. Now basically with on line dating (and also when you meet people out and about) the first thing you are interested in is how they look. You have to find them attractive. There is no point in striking up a conversation with someone who you don't like the look of, because those magic sparks wont fly when you kiss. Its more of a turn off than on!
Recently a guy sent me a message through a site asking to chat. I replied that I don't talk to people without Photos. May sound shallow but that's my rule and I'm sticking to it (well I should do!) He told me he worked for the Government and people he worked for told him that its so easy to become a victim of identity theft through dating sites, so he doesn't show his picture. I did find this a bit extreme, but he begged to send me a picture so I agreed. I gave him my email address (a back up one with no mention of my full name on!) and waited for the picture. As usual it turns out the real reason he didn't show himself on line was because he was blooming ugly! Sorry sounds harsh but its the truth!
I did my usual "I'm sorry but your not my type" and blocked him from viewing me anymore.
A week or so later I was on another dating site and out of nowhere pops this profile up- Its the secret Spy! But this time with a photo! I was so tempted to send him a message saying " Don't they take your identity from this site?" but that would have meant he then had my profile details- so I decided to leave well alone and block him on there too!
I promise myself never ever to talk to anyone without a picture ever again!
On the same type of subject, I always wonder how old some peoples profile pictures are. As I had my hair cut short 2 years ago I cant get away with any older pictures than that. But some people do seem to! I met a guy once who when I asked how old his photos were he replied oh only a few months old. Turns out via a snoop on Facebook these pictures were actually over 3 years old! Okay some people don't change that much but come on talk about false advertising! I also chatted to a guy in the last few weeks that each time I looked at his profile his age had changed! He went from being 36, to 32, to 28 in a matter of days! When questioned he replied it was so the older ladies wouldn't find him in a search! So if he was lying about his age what else was he lying about! Some people just cant help themselves!