New Years Eve and all that Jazz

So the end of the year is upon us again. I am having a severe attack of not being able to remember what I did this time last year! I have lost track as to when I met certain people and what the hell I have actually done in my life over the last Year and a half! Holy crap. Im 38 in a few weeks time and still seem to lurch from one disaster to the next! The biggest thing to happen this year was the move into mine and Georgias own little rented place. I have certainly come to realise a few things about myself now and find Im a lot happier when I am in my own Company than I used to be. I enjoy the peace and quiet more, instead of being full of pity for being single. I also know what I want in a relationship. Im now not ready to settle for second best or to be with someone rather than being single. Im not expecting Prince Charming to whisk me off my feet and to tick all the boxes required, just someone who makes me smile without it being an effort, someone who keeps my attention and accepts my kookie ways.
So I shall be spending New Years Eve at home with my lovely Daughter. She is the one that will always come first,no matter how much running around I have to do for her! Shes growing up fast and I intend to make 2012 a year of special moments and trips for me and her (cheap ones hopefully!).
As for my love life who knows! Maybe 2012 will bring some happy moments - I can only hope !

I won't be a back up plan

About a week ago I found myself in the position where someone else was making a decision on my love life. I poured my heart out in a blog, about how I'd fallen for this guy, head over heels, and he had told me he had feelings for someone else and had to make the decision on who to stick with. After writing the blog about how  I couldn't walk away, he rang me within the hour to tell me he had been stupid to contemplate anyone else- it was me he loved. Within a week it has happened again. This time a married friend of his text to say her husband was moving out. So he informs me he needs some time again to think. I try pointing out how he is throwing something away for a fantasy, because at this stage she hasn't said she wants to start something with him, he is just hoping. In the end I started to loose my rag and forced the issue and he informed me he didn't want to see me again.
I was devastated. Part of me still is. Confused as to how someone can declare their love for you and tell their family about this new girlfriend (me ) and how wonderful she is, and then within 3 days bring it all crashing down. But the more I discuss it the more I come to realise its his loss. He is being stupid and will at some point wake up to that fact. If and when he does, I plan to have my head straight so I can see him and the situation for what it is. I wont be someones back up plan. I don't want to be standing in the wings ready to drop everything for him or anybody. Truth is if he saw how wonderful I was to start with he wouldn't have even contemplated these other women. You may believe the grass is greener on the other side or want your cake and eat it, but it rarely works. In his case my belief is that if he had liked her that much in the past when her marriage was failing, the fact that she was still married wouldn't have mattered.
So now I'm starting again. My barriers are raised slightly again so as to make sure I don't get taken for a fool so easily again. If he comes crawling back I honestly don't know how I would react at this point. I know I wont be deleting this post though!
New motto ' once written never deleted '

Here we go!

Well I keep saying I have enough stories to write a book so I thought Id take the plunge and start a blog and see how it goes.
I'm a 37 year old divorced Essex Girl. Down to earth not a plastic fantastic you see on the tele. I'm a mum to one daughter who is 13 and live with her and our little Pomeranian Foxy in rural Essex.  I left her dad in 2000 and have had a few relationships since then but find myself back on the dating scene again. Having to resort to Internet dating sites to find men is a nightmare and a massive mine field- one wrong step and you could become tomorrows front page news and not in a good way. I have met a variety of guys, some lovely, some weird, some not honest and some with so much baggage you need a freight train to carry it all!
So I decided to start writing my findings on here of all the fun and dramas I have had whilst trying to find a suitable mate.
I use a few sites - all of which free. I refuse to line someone elses pockets with money for my misfortune in love! You do tend to find the same guys on every site though. Im getting better at avoiding the sharks, the guys looking for a quickie and on they go. Im no prude but that doesnt interest me any more. I want to find someone who wants to spend time with me, accept me and my quirks, text me to say they are thinking of me and to build new memories with.
Not a lot to ask surely!