Absent for a good reason

First let me say a massive-

for being absent for soo long.  As you may have guessed I've met a good man and he is taking up most of my spare time. Due to previous "speaking too soon" moments, I decided not to write about anything for a while, just so  I was sure I wouldn't end up with egg on my face again.

But this time it looks like I may have struck a good one. After years of Fishing, I have found a good one I don't want to put back into the pond. We have spent the last 6 months getting to know one another and each others families etc. He has even put up with some horrendous behaviour from my once adorable teenage daughter who has become the teenager from hell in recent months. In the words of my mother -" shes only giving you the same abuse you gave me ". I have to disagree on this. I may have been a bit of a cow, but never to this level! One day I will write it all down and hopefully she will look back and think- "Oh my poor mum, what did I put her through."

I promise I will write some more about previous exploits (as I know it doesn't offend my man, he finds it all interesting and has the opinion that the past is the past.) I have discovered I have matured and I am no longer the worrying woman as I don't get jealous of him meeting up for coffee with other female friends. He alike doesn't mind me chatting to my male mates. We both trust each other and know we would be stupid to do anything to jeopardize what we have found with each other. He can also be thanked for calming me down and helping me realise that age old saying "Its not life threatening so don't panic"

I've made some new female friends too, from the most bizarre of situations. One was married to one of my previous dates (see ghosts from the past blog) and the other is my new boyfriends ex. I think it just goes to show sister hood is stronger than any male believes.  

Oh and that most women can see straight through a lying male !

Serious side to Bonnie.

Its been a while since my last blog. That's not to say life hasn't been interesting believe me ! But sometimes even this blogger wants to keep things private and not tell the world every detail of her life. But who knows maybe some time in the future I will share all with the world! I have to be careful as my parents read this !

"Will you ever come off the naughty step Bonnie ?"

Blogging about my dating life has certainly raised a smile on some peoples faces, and has helped me understand more about me, men and relationships. Its been fun looking back at some of the incidences and I am always conscious not to tarnish every man with the same brush. Because as you speak to more guys you realise some women out there are just as bad!

But then this blog can cause a few raised eyebrows. I don't tend to tell every guy I speak to that I write about my dating life. Some guys get scared off, but to be fair no one gets named (no law suits here!) and they only need to worry about being named and shamed so to speak if they do anything seriously out of line, or ridiculous! Although sometimes it worries me that ex boyfriends from my distant past will read this blog, recognise themselves and not be too happy about it being read by strangers ! Oh well ho hum - a woman scorned and all that!

But it is nice when I meet a new "match" to be able to come clean and let him appreciate my ramblings. Its great meeting someone with an open mind and who accepts that we all have a past, checkered or murky or squeaky vanilla clean.

 That's what makes us who we are now. We have all been molded, influenced and affected by even the smallest of details from life in general not just relationships. From parents to friends, we take on board everybody's actions and reactions to whats acceptable behaviour and what is not. I find myself ever aware now that as my daughter is approaching the age of 16 that life begins to change and pressures from peers can influence every decision she makes, good or bad. I hope that she feels able to talk to me about any issue or queries she has. I have always been open and honest with her and try not to preach too much on what is right and wrong in relationships. She has to find her own way and make her own mistakes to learn from. My own mothers statement of "shes only doing what you did at that age" will no doubt come back to haunt me !  I'm sure at some stage I will be repeating another one of my mums legendary comments to my own daughter "I'd rather know where you are then discover you been with a boy in a bush somewhere"
And yes I could have died with embarrassment when she said it !






Blimey that was deep for me ! So I shall leave you with a small tale I heard from a friend to lighten the mood and make you all smile:

A friend I know had a discussion with a boy she knew. He had met a new girl and things were rather serious. He mentioned she was a vegetarian and he was a bit put out by this. When asked why he replied "well she wont give me a blow job as she says no meat will ever pass into her mouth"

Another episode of "how not to chat to a woman on line!"

I swear I am not making this up. Yet again the male population has succeeded in being classed as having a one track mind thanks to this specimen!
This is how the short conversation went: I'm in red, he is green.

Hi how are you?

yea your sexy

thank you

hav u got sexy feet hun x

I hate my feet ! Is that your fetish?!

i like them do u paint them hun x

I paint my toe nails not my feet !

yea what colour hun x

strange boy!

well what colour hun x

so the first thing you ask me is do I have sexy feet? then you want to know what colour I paint my toe nails?! Well I change colours every week or so.

really do they look sexy

yes

mmmm i love to see them lol x

Well I'm afraid you wont! I'd rather someone meet me for me not my toes!

lol i would its just i like to taste them x

omg .your not kidding though are you?

yea lol

do u like foot massage

didn't you read, I don't like my feet

my computer aint working rite

i cant see pphoto

well I cant help you there

tell me what u look like hun x

you can see the photos

its playing up

well you will have to wait until it works again

can we talk explicitly

can i ask u things without u getting hump i mean

what are you planning on asking? I'm not talking dirty to you, or showing you photos of my toes or any other part of me

ok hav u got sex toys hun x

READ WHAT I WROTE!!!!!!

oh ok sorry x

i will not talk dirty to you

what size feet are u

why?

so i get a picture iof your toes

At this point I did honestly think he was going to say "I've got some shoes I want you to wear for me "

Creepy !

Okay maybe I should have just stopped responding after the question about my feet but I was interested to know how stupid this man child was going to be! Apart from the spelling errors did he really think a grown woman was going to appreciate having questions directed at her feet ?! And then to ignore the sentence " I'm not talking dirty to you" and to carry on is just plan idiotic ! 

The thing is I get drawn into the conversation and do my best to turn it round on them to make them look stupid, or to just return fire with similar sex object stereotypical questions for the fun of it. But its a waste of my time, as these guys pea sized brains are clearly in their tiny tidy whities !

A text of two sides

Every story has two sides. So lets look at this following scenario from both points of view.

Boy and girl meet on line.
Both communicate pretty consistent and rapidly with each other.
Mobile numbers are exchanged and the texts continue at a pace.
First date arranged. Meal and drinks.Lovely time had by all . Texts continue and second date mutually agreed for two days later.
Second date again was another roaring success. All parties happy and smiling.
Third date set. Day of the date communication seems to slow down, but is accepted as both are working and its not possible to text constantly.At the last moment a work commitment pops up a few hours before hand on the part of the male and the date is cancelled. Accepted as unavoidable and they chat on the phone that night instead.

Third date is arranged for the next available slot after work and children weekend commitments.
Two days after the third date is initially canceled communication seems to dry up completely late afternoon.
Female starts to wonder
 Is history repeating itself, has this date lost interest?
Did I do something wrong?
Has he met some one else?
Or maybe hes ill?

Her emotions start to rule her head, she starts to wind her self up over it. And then does the inevitable text
"Is everything okay? Starting to get paranoid"

Response comes back from male
" Im with a client babe, will call you later"

Female feels stupid. Apologises.

Male texts a few hours later saying when he receives messages like that of paranoia it scares him.

Female tries to explain how female brain works but cant without sounding desperate and more paranoid so just says shes not normally like that (which is the truth, but as she actually likes this guy shes more alert for changes in behavior and doesn't want to get hurt although she wont tell him that, yet!)

And then female realises shes not completely at fault. Male should have just text saying he was busy all those hours before. A text only takes a few seconds. As far as female was concerned he had nothing to do after work and how was she to know he was with a client? Shes not a mind reader?!  But for her own good decides not to bring this to males attention.

So who is right ? who is wrong? Okay female may have over reacted, but male should engage brain, let female know and incident would never have happened.

I know who I blame- the inventor a mobile phones! And I bet that was a man!

Ghosts from the past

Every now and again a face from my past will pop up again. Some welcome, some not. Some have honest motives , others try to be clever and devious.
I am always happy to hear from people I have met or dated before.Well most of them anyway ! I am friends with a lot of guys I have met either from on line dating or from college, work, school, etc. Its good to catch up, share stories, a few drinks whatever.
But occasionally someone tries to creep back in with less than honest reason too. What makes these guys worse is the fact they blatantly lie about what the real reason is for them wanting to see me again.

Lets get this straight guys- "I am not stupid !! "

I may be forgiving, understanding and willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I am not here just for your urges ! I am not here to scratch an itch  for you so to speak.
For instance, one such guy , who I had on previous occasion (sorry occasions !) forgiven for disappearing without a trace got back in touch out of the blue. This is how the messages went:


still think about u baby! I had to tell u that x
Fancy a coffee n chat later?

. What you been up to?

Not much really had the kids for half term just on way back now
U up for a coffee then? X

I dont know. had a late night last night. I get the feeling you just want somewhere warm to go!

I have somewhere warm to go babe just an idea that's all can do it another time if u prefer? X

So where did you disappear to last time you ceased contact?

I've been over (insert name of his exs home town)

all that time??

Jan n feb 

Another go at it with the ex then?

No we just kept it as easy as we could for the kids x (the fact that most of his kids live with his first ex elsewhere seems to have escaped him!)

So you stopped all contact with me overnight no explanation?

I never meant it to turn out the way it did I just had to sort my head out and felt that was the only way x

Fair enough. You can explain it all when I see you

Are u feeling the need to slap me? X

Don't know if I want to slap you

Ok should I be worried then lol x

I'm not violent person. My problem is I'm too trusting and forgiving

Is 8ish ok to come over? Can I push it and have a shower at yrs? Maybe even a bed for the night;) or am I really pushing it now? X

Your not staying. Sorry but no.

Ok look maybe I shouldn't of contacted you again sorry Bon take care babe x

You are more Than welcome round  for a chat but after you dropped me like a tonne of bricks last time I'm not jumping into bed with you the first time I see you. Surely u can understand that?

(silence)

Or were you just after a bed?

(silence)

hello ?

(silence)

there was me thinking you actually wanted to see me !

What an idiot ! He was obviously at a loose end and wanted some action. The minute he realises he isn't getting anything apart from a coffee he disappears into the sunset again. Well good riddance to bad rubbish. 

Lonesome Cowboy can just jog on !

If guys were just honest then life would be so much easier. But then who wants boring anyway?? Give me a man with some mystery any day. 

Eggs is eggs

In the film Runaway Bride , Richard Gears character Ike asks all of Julia Roberts character Maggie ex fiances how she takes her eggs. Each one of them says a different variation. She always ate her eggs however the man she was with ate them. Eventually at the end of the movie she discovers for herself  how she actually likes to eat them.
 I believe each and every one of us are like that. We say we never change, but in reality we all make small changes to be similar to our partners . We are like chameleons who adapt to suit their surroundings. I know I do.

In my time I must have supported several different football teams, West Ham, Spurs, Arsenal, Leeds, Chelsea etc. I even started developing an interest in Motorbikes, which has stayed with me even after splitting with the boy who got me interested in them to start with.  I don't think it makes me a different person, I think it shows I like to pay an interest in to what gets my mans heart racing apart from me.  Its not a major change, its just adapting to suit the environment and broadening my interests to be able to hold a conversation about his favourite team, player, or even the much discussed and misunderstood by women "offside rule" ! Its not that I want to become that person, their female double, its more about learning how they tick.

I would never go so far as to change my views or opinions on important issues, and I would never change how I act or dress etc unless it was something I wanted to do. Every time I have been on a diet it has been for me and not because a man told me I would look better slimmer. You have to love yourself for others to love you. If you don't believe in yourself how can any man see your inner goddess.  At the same time I wouldn't try and change someone to like everything I like. Its good to have seperate interests and differing opinions sometimes.  I wouldn't expect a man to try and change my interests, but it always helps if he accepts me for what I am, even if that is a bit kookie at times.

Where am I leading with this? Maybe to admitting a change of heart. I have always been a firm believer that distance does have a negative impact on a relationship. I have always dismissed any one who lives too far away. But as I have got older I am starting to realise its the time you spend together that matters not how far apart you live. Every one has busy lives, especially if you have kids and a job to hold down. So in the first stages of dating or a relationship it isn't always possible to meet up in the week after work. So if someone lives a few hours drive away it shouldn't matter. As long as you keep the lines of communication open, and you trust them and yourselves things can work out.

 You just have to go with it. Make sure when you spend time together you make the most of that time. Don't get distracted by the little things in life, open your eyes to each others worlds and try to bring the two together. If things work out then the future will adapt to suit you.

Besides a change of scenery is always a good thing!

Birthday mutterings & the last Year in my Thirties

So Yesterday was my 39th Birthday. As I am a January baby I am quite used to the fact that because my birthday falls just before Pay day most people are pretty poor after the festive season. I don't ask for much from my friends, in fact I don't ask for anything. Except their company in celebrating my birthday. Unfortunately as we get older it becomes harder to drag them out for a drink, meal natter - anything!
This year was no exception. I sent a message out suggesting maybe a gathering around mine. The response wasn't great to be honest - usual reasons- lack of money, other plans, no babysitter. I wasn't best pleased!
 I found myself the week before my Birthday getting very emotional and down at the lack of a support network. I know we all have busy lives and other loved ones but I felt very very alone.I found myself in some sort of Bridget Jones moment when thinking about my birthday, singing in my head "All by myself " (Eric Carmen)

Now let me point out, after nearly 3 years being single I am quite used to not being in a relationship on special occasions - birthdays, weddings, Christmas etc. This Year it really didn't bother me that I was a singleton. I was not upset about not having breakfast in bed, or being whisked away for a lovely  romantic  meal,evening or weekend. Don't get me wrong I would love that, and believe me I will milk it when it happens!  I was more upset that I faced spending the evening on my own, without the company of my friends. What made it worse was this Year the day fell on a Saturday- perfect for a few drinks!

Luckily my lovely Daughter came to my rescue and she and my mother spent the evening with me having a Roast dinner (I know, on a Saturday what a rebel!) and watching Gremlins on DVD. 

So now begins the last year of my thirties. I suppose the last year I can possibly get away with not acting grown up! This Year is twelve months of changes for the better. I have already embarked on a Yoga obsession, Pilates is my next activity to take up. I feel now I'm older I can't jump around gracefully doing Zumba, Aerobics anymore. I need something more calming and something with less chance of broken bones or pulled muscles! The calorie counting is also heading the right way. By the summer I plan to be nearer the weight I should be ! That wet suit will look a dam sight better on me this Year when I'm body boarding than the last few years beached whale appearances!

I plan to celebrate my birthday next weekend now. An old flame is visiting the area and after 8 Years its about time we met up again. So we will be raising a glass or two (and probably merry hell!) as a belated birthday toast. 

Next time any of my friends asks why I am still single I may well have to remind them that because they never want to come out socialising with me, how am I supposed to meet a man! I know its an equality world out there but I'm not brave enough to hit the town on my own in the search for a man!

Going Dutch

In the words of the dating dictionary and in my eyes the meaning of "going dutch" on a date is:

In dating, when both parties pay for their own bills, thus effectively dispelling the double-standard where men are always expected to pay.

"If you meet an intelligent, attractive and friendly woman who likes going dutch then you should hang on to her for dear life."

Years of dating experience has lead me to always offer my fair share of the rounds of drinks, or to offer to pay towards the meal. One friend of mine and my dad argue I shouldn't do this. I'm a female and if a male of the species has asked me out then I shouldn't even offer to by a round of drinks or anything. Now as much as I wish this was the norm, its not generally like that. I meet loads of Guys who complain about "money grabbing women" who just expect everything to be paid for and want to be treated like a princess.

I'm not looking to be treated like a fairy tale creature. I am willing and want to pay my way. But in some situations I expect the man to pay. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I expected too much. Read the below situation I found myself in and let me know what your opinions are.

A new match on line showed some interest in my profile. We exchanged messages and then progressed to texts. As it was the Christmas/ New Year Season I didn't expect to meet him straight away as everyone is busy that time of Year. So after a few days he said he would like to meet up but was it okay to wait a few weeks as Christmas had been expensive and he wanted to wait till he got paid so he could take me out for something to eat. I agreed, as I understand some times funds do get tight. (funnily enough I had two guys around the same time who mentioned lack of funds- but the other one is another story ! I'm still yet to meet him!)

In the meantime I suggested we could meet for a quick coffee date one lunchtime. That way if we don't like each other its only the cost of a lunchtime drink that has been spent. He agreed this was a good idea and we met that following weekend. All went well and we ploughed on with our meal date for the following week after his payday. 

So the date night arrives. Due to the predicted snowy weather we met earlier than planned to make sure we weren't both out driving late at night. I had picked a nice restaurant, mid ground between us and not expensive. All was going well, although I did feel like I was being rushed by him to eat my food so we could both go home. Within an hour the food had been eaten , and one drink drunk each. So he then asks for the bill. This was placed on the table and he looked at me and said "well I wonder how much this will be?"  Then continued to look at me as if he was expecting me to say something. I waited, and he just looked at me as he opened the bill in the middle of the table between us. I started to feel awkward and said " so how do you want to do this ? Do you want to go halves ?" Now this is where he SHOULD have said "This is on me". But what he ACTUALLY said was " Yes that would be good" I was slightly annoyed so replied with the words "So you want to go Dutch?" and with a slightly disgruntled look on my face. His response "Yes" So I dug my purse out and he then said "Tell you what You pay a tenner I will cover the rest" The whole bill was £34 so he hadn't exactly had to fork out a fortune! Then he only wanted to leave 50 pence tip- I was embarrassed by this so added a few of my own pound coins towards the tip.

We left the restaurant, parted in the car park with a peck on the cheek and I was home before the time I was originally due to meet him!

So was I right to feel put out? He had asked me to wait to meet him so he could take me out for something to eat. Surely if a man invites you for dinner that should mean he doesn't expect you to pay? This is why I try to stick to coffee or drinks dates! It becomes far too expensive for me otherwise!  How would you have felt? Would you have expected him to pay? 

 

Positive mental attitude - with less of the mental!

So the New Year is upon us and I slowly head towards my last Year in my 30's.
Am I worried that I am Single?
Do I feel a victim of the dating world ?
Do I feel I should be acting like a grown up?

Simple answer -

Last Birthday I asked my eldest nephew that same question - Should Auntie Bonnie grow up? His answer -No! I should stay Silly! And I have to agree with him. Okay my life may not be run of the mill and I'm not in a steady long term relationship but does that matter? Hell no ! Only this morning an ex of mine made contact for the first time in nearly a Year and asked how life has been. After a short explanation he responded with "Nowts changed then!"  Thing is I don't care. I know somewhere out there is my lifes goal, my partner in crime. The path I am on may be winding but I don't let it get me down. My new found Yoga DVD is helping me get up and shrug off life's day to day dramas. I have always worn a smile on my face and maybe some people can not understand why. I am always true to myself and never lie (well occasionally a small white one during the working day !) . Whats the point?  Why waste all that energy on negativity. Okay the truth may hurt sometimes, but if someone doesn't like the truth they shouldn't ask for it.

So I hurtle along as always towards the weekend and a new first date. Simple one this time, a coffee lunchtime drink and if all goes well a dinner date next weekend. Keep it simple on a first date. That way no one gets stuck with a huge restaurant meal bill, or the cost of a new outfit to impress. Plus the less alcohol consumed the first date, the less your judgement or eyes deceive you. I'm sure we have all had the coyote ugly moment - as defined by the urban dictionary:

coyote ugly
	Waking up from a drunken stupor to find that your sexual partner of the previous night is not only ghastly, but is sleeping with his/her head resting on your arm. The only way to escape, without waking the beast, is to chew off your arm and flee.

That is something I wish to never repeat in my life time ( no mum and dad I'm not saying I have ever done it !  Your daughter is a good girl! )

Wish me luck !