Its funny how when looking through peoples online profiles that even at the tail end of my 30's there is a wide spectrum on the offspring front. By that I mean some guys hitting there 40's don't have any children (well none they admit to or know about) whilst others have 1 or 2 or a few more. Like it or not the subject of Children is always going to come up. If you are a parent you know how important they are in your life, and thus how big a deal it is to any potential relationship.
For starters its trying to juggle being with your kids and having a dating life or free time. We all feel bad going out and leaving them with a babysitter or home alone if they are old enough. But we realise we need to meet our potential mate without the influence or distraction of the mini you around. You can't get to know someone if either of you are distracted by the kids. A friend of mine had a first date with a guy who bought along his two children, both preschool age, and she had to duck the toys that were being hurled at her!
Secondly if one of you doesn't have kids it is somewhat difficult to explain why you cant just drop everything and go away on a romantic weekend break at the last minute. If you are anything like me I would love to be whisked away. But it takes planning- days or weeks of begging a grandparent (or ex) to have the kids for you, making sure the children don't see it as some sort of abandonment of them for your potential new love interest (believe me I've had that accusation thrown at me a few times- and not just by my daughter!) and getting over your own guilty feelings of putting yourself first for once.
Now factor in the potential of you both having children from previous relationships. This adds in another hurdle for date availability. As a rule most fathers have their kids weekends, or every other, most mothers have the kids during the week. So someone has to be the one to leave the kids at home. I have always tried to have date nights on my free nights as I hate leaving my daughter as she is growing up way way too fast (I heard the phrase love bite mentioned in conversation with a group of her mates- now I'm getting scared!) But when free time is limited sometimes you have to grab any chance you have. Otherwise my life becomes an endless cycle of up before 6am, walk dog, go to work, come home, cook,clean, help with homework, food shop, walk dog, catch an hour of t.v. or read then bed. And repeat . All work and no play definitely makes Bonnie a dull girl !!
But when do you introduce the kids and the match (or not match usually in my case)? Well the last imposter (I will call him that because he was no real man, just a spineless jerk who played the game and told me what I would want to hear) suggested an early meet as he was of the belief that if him and said teenager didn't get on then it would be a stumbling block in the potential relationship. I can see that as a valid option, as I have been in that position many years ago. When children are younger they do become possessive and see a new adult in their parents life as a threat to the love their parent has to give. That's when you have issues to deal with which can make or break even the strongest relationship. Luckily as my daughter has got older all she cares about is if her mother is available to ferry her around for her social life, which is way better than mine was as a teenager and better than mine is even now! I'm more of the thinking that you need to get to know each other first before you introduce the two sections of your life. You have to feel sure they wont run at the first temper tantrum thrown by either you or your child, and that all concerned can get on well.
At some point the question will be asked about future children. Do you both want more or is that just one sided. This part of the children issue is always where I pre-judge if I should even talk to a new mate. I would in my heart love another child, but I always said I wouldn't until I had my daughter more often (I have a split custody with her father). But as the years went on and I had my daughter more, I was never with the right guy (or even a guy) to even contemplate bringing another child into the world. Now unfortunately I have to deal with the fact its pretty much an impossibility for me to become a mother again. I have spent a number of years coming to terms with this fact, that unless I spend a whole heap of money, and time and heartbreak, I am not able to have any more children. But the hardest part is telling a suitor of this fact. When do you bring that up in the conversation? Too soon is too heavy, too far in is too late. Its a make or break question- "do you want more or any children?" Because of this I have tended to avoid dating guys who do not already have kids. I don't want to tell them that if they stick with me they are unlikely to be a dad. Due to this I have narrowed down my potential matches. Maybe I'm cutting out a few love interests. I should really be brave and ask these guys before I meet them if children are a major factor in their future. So from now on I won't dismiss these guys, I will ask a few questions and see if they are man enough to take on a woman who has everything to give them except an heir to their kingdom.
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