Lessons about myself.

Its been about 2 Years since I started online dating (this time around!) and looking back I can say I have learnt plenty about mankind and myself. I've never claimed to be perfect, or whiter than white, I'm just your average girl looking for her Mr Right. I chose to meet people via the internet as my lifestyle and friend network means its probably the only way I can meet potential mates. Its not as if I'm in my twenties and can go out trawling the clubs and bars anymore. Well if I did I would look like Mrs Robinson searching for her graduate!
I have tried various sites, and even paid for one subscription, against my better judgement. I am of the belief that why should I line someones pockets with money because my sad specimen of a love life needs help. So I flatly refuse to pay another penny to a dating site. Besides, most of the so called matches I saw on my profile were either miles and miles away or I had previously spotted their pictures on the other free sites.

So what have I learnt about myself. Well I'm a bit of a dreamer- I still believe my prince will come and rescue me from my solitude. I am impatient- I want him to be here now, and when he does turn up I want it all to happen straight away! I get carried away with my dreams and just want to get to the happy ever after rather than living the long fairy tale with all the twists and turns. But I am also a realist- I realise I am not perfect, and I do not expect my prince to be so either. We all have our faults, our quirks (I probably have a fair few), and its all about accepting the minor dents in someone if the bigger picture is worth it.  I'm too forgiving- I always give people probably more chances than they should have. I treat every new person to enter my life as a clean slate and trust them from the start. Maybe I'm too trusting and should be a bit more careful with whom I let into my inner circle. I think too much, I read far too much into texts or conversations. I think this is just something all women do, and I have now got this under control. You can send yourself crazy wondering what someone is implying, in the end you just have to ask or forget about reading into things. I am happy in my own company, I don't need to be with someone 24/7, I enjoy my peace and quiet. I find peace tending to my small garden and reading. It may make me sound old but its a dam sight more enjoyable than watching the tele every night.
I am more at one with my intuition, my inner me. I listen more to those nagging feelings that before I would have ignored. I normally know when something is off kilter before I get told. I can be moody sometimes, but that is a woman's born right! We are allowed to be! Although it does take a lot to wind me up or annoy and upset me, so I am quite placid. But as anyone who knows me will tell you I do fire up when I'm pushed. I can be quite passionate about my beliefs and defending my honour.
Above all I have come to realise that I am me, and there is nothing wrong with me. If something doesn't work out the way I would like, it isn't because I am a bad person, or impossible to get along with. Its just that it wasn't meant to be. The friendship has run its course and fate or destiny have something bigger in mind for me. I try not to get down over lost chances, and always look for the next door to open. Looking back is something we all do. I look back at my past and places I have been, and remember them for opportunities to visit places rather than look back and remember the person I went there with.

I believe in me. And that's the only way I can keep my heart from breaking every time a relationship crashes and burns. If you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you ? I refuse to turn into a man hater with a stone cold black heart. My heart will always be open, as you never know who is waiting around the corner for your smile.