Its the little things that matter

I'm definitely not materialistic, and it shows in the things that matter to me. To me I'd rather have a wonderful life with loved ones and simple things, than a big house, holidays and a empty heart.
I'm always interested in knowing the silliest things about dates- for instance- the first car they drove, or the first record they bought, favourite sweets as a child. I pay attention to what they talk about, what they love (from films, to football teams to music) and hope at the same time they pay attention to at least the odd word out of my mouth! Because of this I like to buy small gifts or do something that is personal to them. For instance, a guy I dated loved The Big Bang Theory (a comedy tv series about 4 geeks and a girl who lives across the hall) and we shared a joke one evening about ransom notes. So a few nights on I sat in my living room and cut out letters from a newspaper, arranged them into a quote from the programme, took a photo and sent it to him. He found it very funny and sweet.
In the same way years ago in Barcelona I saw some lovely Blue Roses in the market. They were so unusual and I made a comment to the then boyfriend about them. A few weeks later on Valentines day, flowers were delivered to my home and to my surprise and delight it was half a dozen Blue Roses. It meant so much more to me than any big romantic gesture could ever have done.
Its the small things that matter to me rather than the big ones. Silly things bug me, like for instance if a guy was to say " Oh I saw these really cool VW coasters that you would love. I was going to get them for you but I didn't" Erm kiss of death! I hate the words "I was going to" either do something or don't mention it! I remember an occasion where the man (if you could call him that) I was with rang me one morning. He lived about 45 minutes away from me and was wandering round his local market.

"Hi, I've just seen a great dress you would like to wear around the pool on Holiday- its only a tenner"
"Cool, can you get me one please?"
"well I don't know what colour you want" 
"Whats the options?"
"Blue, green, pink or what size to get you, look it might be best if you come down yourself and pick one" 
"so let me get this straight, you want me to drive 25 odd miles to come and look at a ten pound dress that you are standing next to?"


Honestly! Some men just do not understand how to earn brownie points! Its quite simple:
Listen to what your lady gets excited about (and I don't mean in the bedroom in this instance!)
If you see a little gift buy it for her
Do not say "I was going to but"- just don't say anything about it
Call her or text her out of the blue with those 3 little words. Just so she knows she is on your mind

See easy! Take me on a picnic to my favourite beauty spot, with my favorite foods will gain many many more brownie points than an expensive posh restaurant any day!

That nagging feeling

As a semi professional dater I tend to spot signs that something isn't right quite quickly. Sometimes though I am fooled into believing I'm wrong and just being paranoid. But I think my spidey powers are pretty good and unfortunately again they seemed to have sniffed a little white lie or two that someone has told me.
Now I'm all for Little white lies when need be (I work in customer services so its a part of my working day!) but when someone tells a few porkies it tends to mean you cant trust them or anything they say.
For instance- this one started off with a lie about his age (said 34 when he is in fact 38- but who knows maybe that's a lie too!) and I have my nagging doubts about his occupation, which he had until last week and then changed jobs. He claimed to be a fireman - but never worked nights and always had bank holidays off. Now hes a bus driver- but I have a feeling that's what he was all along. Not that there is anything wrong with being a bus driver- its a job at the end of the day and they are few and far between at the moment. But why lie? The truth comes out in the end . As I started to have my doubts I took to a search on Facebook - to which he claims not to have an account. Erm slight truth in that matter- he doesn't have one, he has two! One states hes single, one states hes in a relationship! He told me they split up in January, but more snooping reveals they were together in February when he posted an "I love you" comment on her page, and she is noted as ending the relationship only at the beginning of April.
Either way I'm starting to remember that we originally talked back in December - I remember him saying he wasn't going out for New Years Eve as he had been out the night before. So when ever they did split up he certainly wasn't single back then!
Moral of the story is dont tell little white lies that can easily be found out! I'm no detective or secret agent, or a stalker for that matter, but I unravelled the story pretty quickly!
In my eyes I think a liar is worse than a cheater. But then neither are top quality human beings! I'm no Miss Innocent and I've made some clangers in the past. But I'm far too old for game playing.
So if anyone asks yes I am single again, because I deserve respect and the truth. I'm not ashamed of being single, or hide the number of guys I have met (okay even I have lost count!). I'm me and eventually my time will come !

Loving yourself

Forgive me Blog followers for I have sinned. Its been nearly a month since my last blog and I know you are all waiting patiently for the next dating disaster to hit your screens! Sorry- its unforgivable I know, but to be fair I had a computer malfunction so for a week or so I had no way of composing this.
Well I'm back now with a new story. Although today isn't about a bad horrific date or a funny on line story. Its just about me and my opinion on a few things.
Although saying that there is a funny story that starting my whole rambling thoughts off. This weekend just gone I found myself at a family function- my youngest nephews Christening. A lovely family day where unlike at a wedding you dont feel that singled out for not being in a couple. During the afternoon my wonderful mother called me over to talk to some of my brothers old school buddies. She was telling them all about her daughters dating blog and my disasters. Not a bad start, until my mother uttered this fateful sentence (although I'm guessing she will deny saying this!)
"The problem  with Bonnie is that when men she meets find out shes a psycho it scares them off"
I kid you not! That was the actual word she used! I was gobsmacked! My mother calling me  a psycho! It took a few moments for me to realise that wasn't the word she meant to use and all was quickly corrected. Her mouth and brain weren't in sync with each other and she had insulted her daughter in error.
But it got me thinking- maybe I am just misunderstood. I honestly don't think 'Im hard work to get on with, I'm not a demanding princess, nor am I high maintenance (although I am prone to the odd mood swing or temper tantrum but as a female I  am allowed to have those!)I'm your typical girl next door type, who likes the countryside, nights out with friends, a good giggle and a nice hug. Okay I do have the odd trait thats a bit bolder than most, but thats what makes me Bonnie. Im unique. And so is everyone else.
And that is why I am happy. Im happy being Bonnie- single, dating, in a relationship or otherwise. I like how I am, I like me. A lot of people don't like themselves or haven't got around to finding out about themselves, which is why they arent happy in their relationships. How can you expect someone to love you when you don't love yourself. You have to know what you want in life to find the right person or people to travel the road with you. Don't get me wrong, Im still learning what I want from life, and I still will change or adapt to whatever happens to me. I have pointers I look for in a potential mate (only 3 mind- too many leads to failure), I know what interests me (simple things mainly) and what I dont like (rollercoasters that turn you upside down and baked beans - yuk!) but Im also open to new ideas or experiences. And somewhere out there is the man to share those things with me. Maybe I've just found him, maybe I haven't. Who knows, either way I won't let it get me down. I am after all a bouncing ball - I will always bounce back, maybe not so high each time, but always with a smile and a story to tell after each encounter. Talking of encounters I worked out how many men I have had dates with this year alone! wow! Next blog I promise to list them (or their alter egos to save their identities) and briefly explain why they werent my prince.

The secret Spy & old photos.

I might have mentioned this subject before - profile pictures. Now basically with on line dating (and also when you meet people out and about) the first thing you are interested in is how they look. You have to find them attractive. There is no point in striking up a conversation with someone who you don't like the look of, because those magic sparks wont fly when you kiss. Its more of a turn off than on!
Recently a guy sent me a message through a site asking to chat. I replied that I don't talk to people without Photos. May sound shallow but that's my rule and I'm sticking to it (well I should do!) He told me he worked for the Government and people he worked for told him that its so easy to become a victim of identity theft through dating sites, so he doesn't show his picture. I did find this a bit extreme, but he begged to send me a picture so I agreed. I gave him my email address (a back up one with no mention of my full name on!) and waited for the picture. As usual it turns out the real reason he didn't show himself on line was because he was blooming ugly! Sorry sounds harsh but its the truth!
I did my usual "I'm sorry but your not my type" and blocked him from viewing me anymore.
A week or so later I was on another dating site and out of nowhere pops this profile up- Its the secret Spy! But this time with a photo! I was so tempted to send him a message saying " Don't they take your identity from this site?" but that would have meant he then had my profile details- so I decided to leave well alone and block him on there too!
I promise myself never ever to talk to anyone without a picture ever again!
On the same type of subject, I always wonder how old some peoples profile pictures are. As I had my hair cut short 2 years ago I cant get away with any older pictures than that. But some people do seem to! I met a guy once who when I asked how old his photos were he replied oh only a few months old. Turns out via a snoop on Facebook these pictures were actually over 3 years old! Okay some people don't change that much but come on talk about false advertising! I also chatted to a guy in the last few weeks that each time I looked at his profile his age had changed! He went from being 36, to 32, to 28 in a matter of days! When questioned he replied it was so the older ladies wouldn't find him in a search! So if he was lying about his age what else was he lying about! Some people just cant help themselves!

There is a reason for them being an Ex

I had planned to write a full and frank blog last week when two exs got back in touch. But after sleeping on it a few days (the idea not on them!) I decided why waste all my time and effort on people that clearly aren't worth a second thought. There is a reason that things didn't work out with either of them (both completely different reasons) and I should always remember to not look back with regret or thoughts of "what if".
To be honest one of these guys I'm glad he seems to have finally moved on in his life. We parted 2 years ago, but that hasn't stopped him from trying it on again, asking me to meet him at various points over the last few years. I have met up with him in the past, but only as friends as that makes it easier. Had a chat few drinks and parted company. Last week I found out he is to become a dad again. It turns out he has been seeing this girl for the last 18 months on and off. I honestly hope it works out for him and I wish them the biggest luck in the world. I'm not bitter, to me it just goes to show how fickle some blokes are. Looks to me like every time it want going right for them he would come sniffing back round me. I'm glad I stuck to my guns.
As for the other one, well it happens to be the one who broke my heart at Christmas. He got back in touch after noticing we were no longer friends on Facebook. To be honest I was shocked it took him a month to notice- bearing in mind the profession he is in! If he isn't that observant I don't think the streets are safe at night! I had deleted his number but worked out who it was. He said he missed me and wanted to be friends. He had met someone else but it only lasted two weeks. Then suddenly the messages changed and he got very flirty dirty. We agreed to meet up for coffee (as friends ) and see how we got on. I told him I didn't know if I wanted to punch him for what he did to me or if I could just be friends with him. He said he didn't want a relationship with anyone, he preferred being single.
So what happens- 3 days later and 2 days before we are meeting for coffee he texts and says 'Ive meet someone new, I thought it was best I told you'. Honestly! I told him a few home truths and wished him luck! I also took the liberty to cancel our coffee - because as far as I was concerned we were meeting as friends, but going on past experience he was bound to cancel anyway! I give that 3 weeks before hes bored and single again. I get the feeling he likes the first few weeks with someone new, and then when you find your feet with each other he gets itchy feet and runs away!
Both of these guys are well and truly out of my life for good now. I have plenty of male friends and don't need to be used as a spare part or back up when they are bored. But it just goes to show leopards don't change their spots. People from your love relationship past should stay just there- in the past. Look back on some great memories but for gods sake dont let them into your future!

Dont waste my time!

So yet again I find myself being led a merry dance! This time from a guy who is on a paid for dating site. I thought at least if you're spending money on looking, then you are actually willing to chat and actually meet up! But no! The curse of Bonnie strikes again!
This one seemed very keen to start with, table tennis texting, wanted to meet up, didn't want to wait to long and wanted to meet up over the weekend. Friday and Saturday he bbm's constantly. Sunday- not a dicky bird except mid morning- "sorry manic day be free later. " So I back off. And hear nowt!
Jesus lads ! If you really aren't ready for commitment of meeting someone, or you already have a girlfriend and you are just playing the field, stop being so full on! I can even guess he is telling his mates " Oh she came on too strong to me, she was a bunny boiler". Er No ! I played the game at the speed you were! Then you vanished !
IDIOT!!!! (Him not me!)
I'm not a bad person, I have a sense of humour, not pig ugly, not rude or nasty, so why is it so hard to find someone to lurve me?
And while I'm at it as much as I know writing this blog means the whole world can see whats happened/happening in my life I don't take kindly to being ripped to pieces for my bad luck ! Especially by people close to me.
So friends- think before you mock the single people. You never know even though you are happy now nothings guaranteed forever.

Long distance Loving

Years ago in my first attempt at Internet dating I got chatting to a Guy who lived over 3 hours drive away from me. I'd had a long distance relationship previously but that was slightly different as he came from my local area and happened to be away at Uni "up North". So I knew he would be home weekends etc. So when I first chatted to this northern lad I was honest and said its too far to travel. I had a job and a daughter to work round so long weekends away would involve a military style operation. He told me he was a long distance driver so didn't see it as being a major problem. We did eventually hook up- half way between our homes in Peterborough ( still an hour and half away from home) and met up on a fair few occasions when both our work schedules and child free evenings allowed. ( I will admit I wasn't the most sensible person the first time I met him. If I heard anyone else say they were driving that far to meet a stranger at a hotel Id call them crazy and did they realise they could end up front page bad news ! But I was lucky and I did tell at least 2 people where I was going, gave all his details to them and checked in with them every few hours.)

But as with all these things the reality hits and you realise its impossible to pop round to see them for a coffee, or have a cosy impromptu night in with a dvd as you have to always plan ahead.
So now I have a rule- the distance has to be less than 45 minutes apart- although I'm thinking nearer half an hour is better. Not only do I have a teenage daughter to plan my social life around, I also have the dog (although she is supposed to be my daughters responsibility!). The logistics of a date become a nightmare if someone lives further away from me than work (a 45 minute drive) and I sometimes find myself staying over at my mums house with her dog sitting just to save myself some petrol from not having to drive all the way home again. In fact in the last week I did just that. Met a lovely guy for a drink but after a few days thinking about it we both admitted its too far to travel. You end up spending your life in your car driving back and forwards and it takes the spark and enjoyment out of dating.
Don't get me wrong, long distance can work. But you have to be trusting of each other and both prepared to put the miles in (and spend more money on petrol than on your night out!). The biggest issue for me with the distance is that I live somewhat out in the sticks! So the first 15 minutes of my 45 minute radius is full of empty fields or the cold sea!  I'm kind of pushing myself out of the market and cutting down my potential search area!
But then if I met the right guy he wouldn't mind the drive to see me, with the prospect of lovely country walks together and watching the boats from the pub garden. Its just judging it right I guess.