2017 in retrospect, the rough before the smooth.

Apologies for my absence again. I took a few months off from dating as it started to hit my confidence levels quite hard. Off the back of a toxic relationship and some health issues, dating was one drama I could do without. Looking back on my last blog in February I cant believe that was only this Year. I'd completely forgotten about a couple of those !

Since then what has happened- probably too many non progressing dates to be honest. I had a previous gentleman get back in touch, apologise for his disappearance overnight - we had met a couple of times and got on well, for him to then vanish. I told him I understood life gets in the way. I don't hold grudges. So we chatted again, and he vanished again ! Never mind. These things happen.
I also attempted a long distance relationship- the work of the armed forces kept him out the country literally a week after we met, then family holiday commitments both sides interfered with meeting up. We did get to go away for a weekend trip to a wedding, but once again the friendship zone hit, and we parted ways. Again I don't hold grudges. I want someone to be totally into me, to have the time in their life for me, to message me even just to say hi, and to include me in future events they have planned. And if its not right on one side then there is no point in holding on and wasting someones time. Both these guys I wish all the best in their lives, and I know they do with me too.

So I found myself on line again. And instantly regretted it. I caught the attention of a man who decided to try a different tact when chatting to me.
So this was how it started -

Turns out I had innocently forgotten to change my body shape on my profile. Now the options available are limited- literally -6 options-  rather not say, thin, athletic, average,few extra pounds , big & tall/BBW.  So I must have selected athletic when I'd originally set my profile up. Okay since then I may have added a few pounds , but I don't think its a massive misdemeanor as I'm still active .

But this guy took offence. He continued 

Seriously where does this guy get off ? ! I know I shouldn't have done but I bit, and I had to reply....

Ok , so I may have lied in that one - should read a curvy uk size 12. But on what planet does anyone have the right to insult someone like that? I took it to heart, and I admit I cried. After Years of dating and meeting people I have never felt so low as I did at that point. I like my curves- ok I have a few I would rather I didn't have- but don't we all! As we get older its not so easy to stay skinny as you did in your 20s.  . This photo is me just a few months ago.  A photographer friend of mine has even used my curves for an exhibition hes doing. I wish I could share the photos but they are under wraps for now. But I'm really pleased with his photos and that helped build my confidence back up. 

This man obviously has had some bad experiences and decided he would just verbally attack someone.  Thing is he was no oil painting himself. He looked like he had an obsession with sun beds, or an unhealthy addiction to laying in the sun. But his attitude was shocking. Its worrying to think he may be a father, and thinks its acceptable to show his son how to degrade women. 

But I put the upsetting incident behind me & didn't let it put me off. Guess what..........

I've finally found a good man !!!

I might even share our story some time with you ! 

I'm back !

Yes folks I'm back ! Sorry for the long delay in service. Its for two reasons. One, I started to feel like I was using this more to self analyse my life rather than it being about actual dates , and two, I did for a while start seeing someone. And as we know I then start to think its leading somewhere and then boom it falls out of the sky and I'm firmly back on the ground again rather than being on cloud nine. !
 Not that I'm sad and lonely or depressed about being single or hearing the Queen song going round in my head "another one bites the dust". To be honest I think I have had a lucky escape. Either I am far too analytical of people and their actions or this guy really did show his true colours underneath the peacock feathers.
As usual everything started very well. Dates out, giggles laughs , open communication lines. All the right noises being heard and smiles appearing. Then over time cracks started to appear in his stories. I never judge people by their financial situation. As long as you are holding your on who cares if you live in a castle or a bedsit. I rent my home so I never judge others on their living arrangements.  But this guy seemed to think he was above everyone else. Scoffed at people who in his words "had nothing- do you know they don't even own any property ". This guy in the beginning said he owned two properties, both that were being sold so he could have a fresh start. But within a short amount of time his empire suddenly crumbled. One house was given back to the bank as he claimed he would not have any profit due to it being his second property and having to pay capital gains tax. Then the second property was being repossessed by the bank. Even when he said he had sold the property he claimed the bank were taking him to court to repossess. Now I know these things can happen, but you have to be behind in your payments to get to this point. So maybe instead of taking me to view brand new cars and custom made bicycles he was looking at buying, he should of been concentrating on his predicament. One minute his mum was lending him the money for a new car (because a used Ford focus is a complete come down from driving a convertible Audi don't you know), the next shes had a car crash and cant lend him the money to clear the arrears as she needs a new car (isn't that what car insurance is for?)   I wont even start on the expensive motorbikes he claimed he owned and rode regularly with his dad (never in the three months I knew him) , or the problems he had with his tenants ( including not drying up their washing up and just leaving it on the draining board. I'm going to have to have another word with them.) or his obsessive need to write reviews on every place we went to in a very critical manner.
Suddenly in the midst of this drama he backs off and stops contact. He deletes his Facebook profile (fed up of seeing everyone else happy apparently.) and eventually claims he needed time out. So when we eventually talk I explain the two biggest pet hates of mine. Being cut off and being lied to. Does he listen ? NO ! No further contact for three more days until he says hes sold the flat again, and at no point asks how I am (even though I was awaiting some hospital results myself- that's another story- didn't even offer to go to my previous appointment with me !). Then nothing more. I gave up caring at that point. It suddenly became clear he was a self centered egotistical condescending idiot. How dare he comment on my parenting skills when he doesn't even see his own child, or complain I don't own sharp enough kitchen knives (ex chef apparently)

Blimey - I have just realised I have only just touched the surface with his stories ! Maybe they were all true. But at the end of the day I don't need or want to be judged by someone constantly who appears to claim god like status above us mere mortals.   So its back to the drawing board. begin the search again, although I'm starting to loose the will to live over it all ! More new clothes to buy for new dates, the highs and lows of spending time texting and then meeting up for it to not go anywhere. All the strange people and requests you get sent, the knack of trying to sell yourself without coming across as boring, the fear of the question "what do you do in your spare time" when you realise the answer is nothing ! I don't have interesting hobbies- I don't sky dive, or go urban climbing, or ride a motorbike, or even go to the gym! My life consists of work, dog walking, teenage daughter moanings, housework, reading and sofa surfing! What a catch I am !
Never fear though, at least I have you guys along for the ride to keep me company !

Footnote- need to buy a new laptop !mine is older than me and won't load any pictures to the blog sorry!

New Year New Horizons ?

Its been a while avid readers! Sorry for my delay in writing a new blog, although on the plus side that normally means my dating life is running smoothly! 

Well it was, but then here I am back again ! This time nothing dramatic, just a friendship that is best left as a friendship. 

So 2016 what will you have in store for me ? Probably much of the same as the previous Years! Already I have encountered the usual suspects. Guys who blow really hot and want to meet up, then vanish without a trace. Or the one that goes "Sorry babe got a few family dramas going on, I'm going to have to cancel out date" This "family drama" then makes them incapable of texting ever again. Seriously just be honest! Its easier all round and everyone knows where they stand. This line always leads me to think I must be superhuman. I have stress coming at me from all angles- Work, parents, and daughter of nearly 18 Years old who appears not to learn from her mothers mistakes (or listen to her advise !)  Yes I admit some days I just want to go home curl up in a ball and tell the world to do one whilst I cry my heart out. But that doesn't render me incapable of still going on dates or even replying to messages! I am woman hear me roar! 

So what gem of a story can I tell you today? What have we not heard before?

How about the one where I spotted an ex on Tinder . Nothing wrong with that except he is "supposedly" happy and settled with new kids since 2013 ! Out of fun I clicked yes and so had he !

Or the one where I received a message from a guy who's initial picture looked promising. Until you flicked to the second one which showed a her ! Turned out "they" were looking for a lady to start a relationship with together ! I politely replied to his message with a "I believe I have stumbled into something I don't want to be a part of thanks "

Or the one where when asked why he only had one badly taken out of focus photo on his profile he replied with "have you ever tried to take a photo of yourself?" Er Yes ! That's what reverse cameras & timers on smart phones are for! Or failing that if you are shockingly bad with technology why not ask a friend ! 

Or the guy who has as his only profile pic a naked shot of the rear of him . Or the guy who has taken a photo in his kitchen, using a full length mirror  which shows him sitting on a chair in just his pants and socks !!  Seriously !! 

Please excuse me whilst I curl up into a ball and hide ! 

Saying Goodbye

Every time I meet a new man I always go in hoping he will be the final first date.  I always hope things will work out. I pray to every god known to man (because with my track record one god will never have enough power to change my luck) that this will be the start of something wonderful. So when I meet someone I get on with its a great start. You start looking forward, wishing hoping etc. Things move on and you continue to date each other. But then you start to notice that something just isn't right. That final piece of the jigsaw, the spark, isn't there. Try as you might you can't work out what it is that is wrong. If you get asked you can't put it into words.
These times are the worst. Two people had high hopes. Now someone has to whip the blanket out from under the other person and hurt them. I hate this more than anything. The thing is no one has done anything particularly wrong. You both like each others company, you laugh, joke, feel comfortable with each other. But deep down there is that nagging feeling. I know at that point if I continue dating this guy I will be miserable. In turn I will make his life miserable. I have to call time. I hate myself at this point.
Its easier to end it with someone for a definite reason. Be it they snore, they are rude, tight with their time or money, self centred, lazy or whatever. But to end it for what is at the end of the day just a "feeling" is heart breaking.  I probably come across as being a right heartless cow at this point to the other person. Its just I know the more time they spend with me stops them being able to meet the person they truly can be happy with.
Saying goodbye is tough. Moving on is tougher. In this day and age its so easy to check up on past loves, to put yourself through the emotional wind turbine when you see they are happy with someone else. You know in your heart that you couldn't make them happy, its still a feeling of being somehow broken. "Is it me that's damaged/in the wrong/too demanding?" flies through your head. You kick yourself for snooping in on them. But it doesn't stop you repeating the action again !

For various reasons I have this Year had to say "Goodbye" to a few people. In fact I doubt they will be the last ones I have to let go. So I have decided to be strong. I am going to wipe them from my phone, block them on Facebook and stop myself from looking back. Some people will remain in my life as friends. Others have become a noose around my neck. All those empty promises they made must be forgotten about. Stored in a box somewhere to allow me to move on. There have been times I wish I could name and shame a few people and shout from the roof tops "Oi you Mr (insert name). You are an arse. You hurt my feelings badly. Repeatedly. I was stupid to give you another chance. Now do one" But as much as I really want to, it doesn't achieve anything.

I have realised in writing this blog for the last few years it has helped me deal with things. These experiences become a story, not always with a happy ending mind you. But it makes it easier to deal with emotionally. Its not that I don' t take all this hurt seriously. I don't play with peoples emotions intentionally to write a story. It is just that it makes it easier to look back and end the chapter. Helps me leave the baggage at the last station rather than carry it with me to my next destination.

Runners and riders in this weeks dating grand national

So I find myself throwing myself back on the mercy of the dating sites. I have always used the same two main sites, dabbled around on a few others, but stick to these as they are free and generally well known. Some of the same faces are still there, but then so am I ! So as usual it starts with a mixed bunch - one random first message from one guy just said
" can i bite you"

Oh he had me swooning off my feet! Jerk ! At least show some effort and make the i a capital I, and the use of a question mark would be good !


My heart sank at the memory of how many lazy,rude blokes there are out there. But I rallied on and made some progress. I shall list this weeks contenders and a few that have fallen at the first post already. As my daughter claims I must have dated a guy from every letter of the alphabet (and a few repetitions of the same name!), I shall refer to them by initials!

S. He started off okay, but was on shaky ground with his previous form- only recently left the wife, currently living with parents. But he seemed to have stamina to keep up with the pack. Lost a few places with his suggestion of a first date on a Saturday night (every where is noisy and busy). Last heard of heading into town to meet his mates 3 days ago. Appears to have fallen at a fence and been put down.

R. Couldn't tell much by looking at him, his head guard(baseball cap) covered most of his face or pictures were too dark. Seemed okay over the first hurdles and then hit the water obstacle and drowned. He appears to have a phobia of anything non alcoholic/noisy when asked what do you do on nights out. His response was " I go see mates in Kent and usually end up getting wasted, though I'm not really a drinker. I'm an old skool raver so prefer good nights out.......( blah blah raves this,raves that),.. raindance ... I'm organising a night to Brighton head kandi then go to a proper club for an all nighter"   This bloke is 44 Years old. To me he sounds like he is trying to be a proper geezer ! Not my cup of tea at all.

P. Slow off the starting blocks with a day or so between first few messages. Then discover his main job is as a wedding dj so is pretty busy most weekends doing that. Lost a few places on the race course due to this. He is a dedicated dad with his kids living with him Monday to Friday. This could lead to problems in arranging time on the dating track and may become lame. Outsiders chance at the moment.

J. Recent addition to the dating national. Had listed he wasn't in for the long race, more a sprint short burst with high activity peaks and no commitment in between. Odds completely against this runner.

M. Had previous form a year or so ago. Saw his form back then and looked like it had potential. Two good runs out and then disappeared from the scene. Reemerged back on the circuit and promised a good sturdy race this time. Even stated he would attend a meet tonight, but has not been seen by his jockey since noon today. A doctors note will be required for him to re join the pack

G. Great starter. Instant wow factor. Appeared to get along with the jockey very quickly. Showed excellent potential in training on Thursday and Friday. Continual updates on his whereabouts, paid a lot of attention. Did admit he had other friend commitments over the weekend and asked to have a first real date on Wednesday. He nearly went off course when he flashed too much of his stallion in a video message, but appeared to have had a case of nervous excitement, so was let off with a warning. But appears to have gone off track. Not appeared for training or checked in since Saturday early evening before he went on a cross country course. If appearance is made tomorrow is likely to be pushed to the back of the pack. A serious investor such as myself should not be kept waiting for days on end. He should be chasing me.

So there we have it. Not a great bunch to start with, maybe more of a donkey
derby than a grand national ! Think I need to get some better carrots ! 

A case of not going out, not out out, but at all !

At my age I fully appreciate the fact that I am too old to be clubbing every weekend, or staying up to watch the sun come up, or getting drunk every Friday and Saturday night. BUT I still want to go out. You know, a nice meal, cinema, pub or bars even (so long as I don't feel like I am old enough to be every one else in there's mum ) or even just a walk in the countryside. But it appears the male species of the same age don't share this view.

 The last few guys I have met/dated (after a long chat with my dad we decided my last real love was 10 years ago, everything since then has been close friendship/ companionship, so they don't warrant being called real relationships, just dating) seem to all have the same lack luster approach to even venturing outside the house. They are all very quick to "get their feet under the kitchen table " and keep their arses on mine/their sofas. The whole going out seems to have stopped after the first (few if I'm lucky) dates. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sitting in watching a dvd,drinking a bottle of wine, etc. But I don't want to being doing that every night, or every weekend for the rest of my days. Especially not at a time when you should be going out having fun and enjoying each others company. One guy I recently met even thought it was acceptable to inform me that his youngest two children had come over and his 18 Year old daughter was also popping over, after I arrived at his flat (a 40 minute drive from mine). And this was only our third meeting ! To make matters worse after giving him another chance to redeem himself, the next time I drove down his mate was there ! Not exactly conducive to a romantic evening, especially when after his mate left his 18 Year old turned up again !

I don't expect to be going out every time I'm on a date, but I expect some sort of effort. To just turn up at my house, sit on my sofa, and play on your phone all night searching for Ebay bargains is not a good date. Its a piss take ! Or to be more interested in finding out if your ex is dating someone else than actually speaking to me is also not acceptable. Its also a bit hypocritical, when you had been seeing me for at least a month and a half and didn't think you should tell her about me! ( Don't worry at that point I had already come to my senses and finished it with him in my head. I just had to tell him !)

I don't think I'm being demanding. I think I just have some life left in me. As much as I want to settle down long term, I also want to have some fun enjoyable times. If I have to date and continue my search a lot longer to find a like minded man I will do. If that means I am classed as a serial dater then so what. At the end of the day I want to be happy. I can quite easily sit on my sofa with my dog if I want to stay home. Believe me she is probably more fun and better company than a lot of men I have had the misfortune of dating !

Missing- A key to the closet

I meant to write this blog months ago when it was fresh in my head, but I had a moral dilemma over it. As much as I have always said no matter how embarrassing the story is I will always write about it. I never mention names so no one can be embarrassed, but this one was really tough. I felt like I was crossing a line. But like everything it has a reason for happening, and in this case I think it serves as a privacy warning to us all. So I will start from the beginning, its only a short story, highly embarrassing all round, but might will make you chuckle- and me blush!

Once upon a time I received a message from a guy online. Lets call him Bob.  I checked out his profile- pictures a little bit grainy, no massive description, but nothing that should raise alarm bells or my excellent spidey powers.  So we started chatting- nothing deep and meaningful just the usual.  He didn't have any children, was not a massive football fan or beer drinking drunk, so when he suggested meeting for coffee on a Sunday lunchtime I thought what the hell I have nothing else planned. So we traded numbers.

That evening I was sofa surfing with my daughter and her boyfriend, watching the tele and just chilling out.  As a seasoned multi-tasker I started scrolling through my contacts on my phones  Facebook messenger.

Here's a tip for anyone who didn't know- the messenger syncs your phone contacts and adds to the list anyone on your phone to the messenger app if they have Facebook. They don't have to be on your friends list, but you can still see their public profile.

So suddenly up pops a name I don't recognise- for privacy sake lets say it said Shirley Temple. So obviously I take a look. I scroll through a few pictures, and can't seem to work out how I would know this person. So I decided to take a closer look at the pictures. It suddenly dawned on me that this woman, was or had been at some stage a man ! At this point my brain started working overtime. I started to scroll back across at the profile pics of Sundays coffee date and compare them to Shirley.
At this point my face was showing signs of confusion. So much so that my daughters boyfriend looked at me and asked if I was okay. I needed a second opinion, so I showed them the photos. They agreed with me that Shirley had to be him- the features matched up. I sat there in shock. Now I'm no prude, but to come across something like this was a bit mind blowing ! So I sent "Bob" a message. I explained I had been scrolling through my contacts and Shirley had popped up. It appeared to be connected to his phone number- how weird.   It took Bob an hour to reply.- actually just checked my phone- correction 2 and a half hours to reply. He said
 "That's strange. I did lend my phone to a friend the other week. They must have added my number to messenger and made a fake profile. Ill have to find out what they have done"
my reply- blunt I know but I was in shock
"Can't be that. This profile page has been running for a fair few years by the looks of it"
Another half hour wait and Bob texts back
"The only thing I can do is be honest and truthful. Yes I do cross dress. Yes I was going to tell you.  Shirley is my alter ego. Never realised that it matches up names and numbers on Facebook messenger.  I try to keep it a secret as family, friends and work don't know. If you feel that now u cant meet me I totally understand. Sorry again for telling a white lie."

At this point I kind of felt sorry for him.Poor bloke , some random woman has stumbled across his big secret.  I told him that as much as I admired his now honesty I didn't think I could handle it. He tried to persuade me that he now only dresses from time to time and he would try to make sure it didn't impact on my life. Thing is in my head I knew if I meet him I wouldn't be able to look at him without wondering or worst still giggling ! Plus how could it not impact on my life- he would have more lovely dresses than me and probably more shoes !


Once I got over the shock I called a very open minded male friend. Told him the story and showed him the pictures. His response -" He looks far better as a woman"  I hate to admit but I started to laugh ! It all suddenly seemed so funny. I have no issues with how anyone chooses to dress, or live or make themselves happy, just I wouldn't like to stumble across anyone's secret like that. It felt like I was invading their privacy.  The moral of this story is that everyone needs to keep a check on what they put out there on line. I am used to coming across peoples profiles of guys who are actually in relationships or have other names in real life to their screen dating profile, but a whole closet of secrets should be kept well hidden.

The strange are not just restricted to on line dating

So for the second time this Year I got set up with a friend of a friend.
Surely that means this Guy is normal ? (to be fair the first "date my mate" was normal and a great guy and we still communicate now - it just wasn't meant to be )
Surely as a friend of a trusted friend nothing could go wrong ? No skeletons in closets, no current emotional baggage as the friend should have filtered all that out before suggesting a meet.

Well reserve judgement !  Even friends of friends can have issues !
We chatted via texts and then agreed to meet up. All went well both times we met. He admitted he hadn't been looking for anyone in particular but when the mutual friend had suggested meeting me he thought why not ? He could be missing out on someone special (his words not mine !)
So what could go wrong ? Apparently something so simple as a text message was the catalyst for a melt down ! And I bet you all want to know what the text was that he sent ? Well this time it was me !! I am the bad one . The inappropriate texter.  The one that crossed the line.
Shame on me !!
Thing is I bet you can never guess what I wrote ? Something soo bad that he felt like telling me everything that was wrong with the way I behaved.
Ready for it . Here you go .....

" Hiya. Hope you having a good week. Weather here a bit pants but we are having a few day trips out so still enjoyable "

That sentence is apparently the worst text I could have sent. Want to know why? Here you go :

A few days previous he had text to say it was difficult to text as he was helping out an ex for a few days with babysitting duties.(not his child, not a long term relationship) He was staying there (alarm bell !!) and would be home again at the weekend. He suggested I text on the Saturday saying "Boo"

I sent the fated text on the Thursday afternoon. Now according to him that means I am totally incapable of following orders. That it meant he couldn't relax for fear of the phone going off.
My response "Oh sorry I didn't realise I had to act as if you were married "!!!!!
Seriously how on earth do I meet them ! A text as innocent as that to someone who is helping an ex out whilst she is working ( sent during work hours when my brain figured she wouldn't be around) then meant I wasn't trustworthy or worth the energy.

Help us all- the loony daters are escaping from the internet and flooding the real world !!

Spring Horn

There seems to be a broken record playing on the dating sites at the moment. Its the same old classic , titled
"Let me show you your body parts " by horny male.

Heard of it ? I'm fed up to the back teeth of it ! It seems most males are currently only interested in what you are wearing, what they aren't wearing and what they could do to any female who shows them the remotest of interest.
Is it because the weather has got warmer? Is it like the mood swings us females get? Similar to the lunar "lunatic" cycle ? where all the Werewolves and nutters come out on a full moon?
I shall term this phenomenon as "spring  horn"




It begins with trading usual innocent messages, then they suggest chatting via KIK or some other instant message method. Then they decide the best way to impress you is to show you there manhood. As I have mentioned before, its not the prettiest male anatomy part and apart from at a strip show I don't think most normal women place any preference or interest to size. But these men seem to think it has special powers that will make you talk dirty to them and drop all your clothes on the floor to come see them in all their full glory!

Lads - if you want a woman like that look elsewhere ! I am not interested in how long it is measured up against your computer keyboard (Seriously I hope that man was using his own personal keyboard and not a shared work one! Or at the very least had some cleaning wipes to hand !) Maybe the world is missing the old Phone boxes. Its where you could find the business cards for women happy to take your cash to see your manhood.

Stone cold sober- or not

I admit chatting to someone for the first time can be nerve wracking. Its a selling game, you have to sell yourself, all your good points and cover over the cracks. Meeting in person can be an exciting nervous feeling- if you are at all interested in some one. I have found myself with butterflies in my stomach, or an attack of the giggles or frozen smile on more than one occasion. Those I class as good dates.

As we all know first impressions count. In truth with internet dating you only message someone if you find them attractive, and secondly if they seem genuinely to have something interesting to say.  Sometimes after a few messages or days the chat vanishes and we loose interest or move on to someone else. I never take this personally. Its just run its natural course of events. I'm sure I have done that to a few guys too.  The spark has to be there, and if the match burns out you cant re light it (bit like ex's really- maybe I should start thinking that simply when it comes to them !) There are also some massive easy do and don'ts when actually chatting to someone for the first time. Basics we all should know.
1.Use proper English and spell
2. Pay attention. - so you don't ask the same thing over and over again
3. Be up beat and happy- don't talk about ex's or how tough life is for you at the moment.
4. Don't communicate when drunk or under the influence of drugs.

Let me tell you an example of the last one:
Started chatting to a guy who looked pleasing to the eye. He had messaged me first so I thought Id see what he had to say. We exchanged a few simple joking light hearted messages on the dating site and then said I seemed fun and down to earth could he call me . Well I was bored at home so I gave him my number.
He called straight away. He seemed a bit nervous and kept laughing in middle of sentences. He didn't seem to have much of any substance to say and kept saying "yeah girl, yeah girl". The topic changed to the fact I had just had my bag stolen from my car and how when it was found all that was missing was £20. My phone, ipod, credit cards etc were all still there. I said I had a feeling I knew who did it and that she probably used my money to feed her weed habit. He replied "yeah babes well I have to admit I had a joint before I called you"

Don't get me wrong, that's up to him if he wants to do that.I certainly don't. But I suddenly realised that was why he was laughing and not making sense. He was saying things like "we been chatting for hours " when it had only been 10 minutes. Believe me it was the hardest longest ten minutes of my life!  He said he was nervous and never knows what to say or do around a woman. I politely told him having a smoke before making the first call was probably not a good idea.  I made my excuses and said goodbye.


I'm actually glad to say he hasn't been in contact since !

Serious side to Bonnie.

Its been a while since my last blog. That's not to say life hasn't been interesting believe me ! But sometimes even this blogger wants to keep things private and not tell the world every detail of her life. But who knows maybe some time in the future I will share all with the world! I have to be careful as my parents read this !

"Will you ever come off the naughty step Bonnie ?"

Blogging about my dating life has certainly raised a smile on some peoples faces, and has helped me understand more about me, men and relationships. Its been fun looking back at some of the incidences and I am always conscious not to tarnish every man with the same brush. Because as you speak to more guys you realise some women out there are just as bad!

But then this blog can cause a few raised eyebrows. I don't tend to tell every guy I speak to that I write about my dating life. Some guys get scared off, but to be fair no one gets named (no law suits here!) and they only need to worry about being named and shamed so to speak if they do anything seriously out of line, or ridiculous! Although sometimes it worries me that ex boyfriends from my distant past will read this blog, recognise themselves and not be too happy about it being read by strangers ! Oh well ho hum - a woman scorned and all that!

But it is nice when I meet a new "match" to be able to come clean and let him appreciate my ramblings. Its great meeting someone with an open mind and who accepts that we all have a past, checkered or murky or squeaky vanilla clean.

 That's what makes us who we are now. We have all been molded, influenced and affected by even the smallest of details from life in general not just relationships. From parents to friends, we take on board everybody's actions and reactions to whats acceptable behaviour and what is not. I find myself ever aware now that as my daughter is approaching the age of 16 that life begins to change and pressures from peers can influence every decision she makes, good or bad. I hope that she feels able to talk to me about any issue or queries she has. I have always been open and honest with her and try not to preach too much on what is right and wrong in relationships. She has to find her own way and make her own mistakes to learn from. My own mothers statement of "shes only doing what you did at that age" will no doubt come back to haunt me !  I'm sure at some stage I will be repeating another one of my mums legendary comments to my own daughter "I'd rather know where you are then discover you been with a boy in a bush somewhere"
And yes I could have died with embarrassment when she said it !






Blimey that was deep for me ! So I shall leave you with a small tale I heard from a friend to lighten the mood and make you all smile:

A friend I know had a discussion with a boy she knew. He had met a new girl and things were rather serious. He mentioned she was a vegetarian and he was a bit put out by this. When asked why he replied "well she wont give me a blow job as she says no meat will ever pass into her mouth"

A text of two sides

Every story has two sides. So lets look at this following scenario from both points of view.

Boy and girl meet on line.
Both communicate pretty consistent and rapidly with each other.
Mobile numbers are exchanged and the texts continue at a pace.
First date arranged. Meal and drinks.Lovely time had by all . Texts continue and second date mutually agreed for two days later.
Second date again was another roaring success. All parties happy and smiling.
Third date set. Day of the date communication seems to slow down, but is accepted as both are working and its not possible to text constantly.At the last moment a work commitment pops up a few hours before hand on the part of the male and the date is cancelled. Accepted as unavoidable and they chat on the phone that night instead.

Third date is arranged for the next available slot after work and children weekend commitments.
Two days after the third date is initially canceled communication seems to dry up completely late afternoon.
Female starts to wonder
 Is history repeating itself, has this date lost interest?
Did I do something wrong?
Has he met some one else?
Or maybe hes ill?

Her emotions start to rule her head, she starts to wind her self up over it. And then does the inevitable text
"Is everything okay? Starting to get paranoid"

Response comes back from male
" Im with a client babe, will call you later"

Female feels stupid. Apologises.

Male texts a few hours later saying when he receives messages like that of paranoia it scares him.

Female tries to explain how female brain works but cant without sounding desperate and more paranoid so just says shes not normally like that (which is the truth, but as she actually likes this guy shes more alert for changes in behavior and doesn't want to get hurt although she wont tell him that, yet!)

And then female realises shes not completely at fault. Male should have just text saying he was busy all those hours before. A text only takes a few seconds. As far as female was concerned he had nothing to do after work and how was she to know he was with a client? Shes not a mind reader?!  But for her own good decides not to bring this to males attention.

So who is right ? who is wrong? Okay female may have over reacted, but male should engage brain, let female know and incident would never have happened.

I know who I blame- the inventor a mobile phones! And I bet that was a man!

Ghosts from the past

Every now and again a face from my past will pop up again. Some welcome, some not. Some have honest motives , others try to be clever and devious.
I am always happy to hear from people I have met or dated before.Well most of them anyway ! I am friends with a lot of guys I have met either from on line dating or from college, work, school, etc. Its good to catch up, share stories, a few drinks whatever.
But occasionally someone tries to creep back in with less than honest reason too. What makes these guys worse is the fact they blatantly lie about what the real reason is for them wanting to see me again.

Lets get this straight guys- "I am not stupid !! "

I may be forgiving, understanding and willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I am not here just for your urges ! I am not here to scratch an itch  for you so to speak.
For instance, one such guy , who I had on previous occasion (sorry occasions !) forgiven for disappearing without a trace got back in touch out of the blue. This is how the messages went:


still think about u baby! I had to tell u that x
Fancy a coffee n chat later?

. What you been up to?

Not much really had the kids for half term just on way back now
U up for a coffee then? X

I dont know. had a late night last night. I get the feeling you just want somewhere warm to go!

I have somewhere warm to go babe just an idea that's all can do it another time if u prefer? X

So where did you disappear to last time you ceased contact?

I've been over (insert name of his exs home town)

all that time??

Jan n feb 

Another go at it with the ex then?

No we just kept it as easy as we could for the kids x (the fact that most of his kids live with his first ex elsewhere seems to have escaped him!)

So you stopped all contact with me overnight no explanation?

I never meant it to turn out the way it did I just had to sort my head out and felt that was the only way x

Fair enough. You can explain it all when I see you

Are u feeling the need to slap me? X

Don't know if I want to slap you

Ok should I be worried then lol x

I'm not violent person. My problem is I'm too trusting and forgiving

Is 8ish ok to come over? Can I push it and have a shower at yrs? Maybe even a bed for the night;) or am I really pushing it now? X

Your not staying. Sorry but no.

Ok look maybe I shouldn't of contacted you again sorry Bon take care babe x

You are more Than welcome round  for a chat but after you dropped me like a tonne of bricks last time I'm not jumping into bed with you the first time I see you. Surely u can understand that?

(silence)

Or were you just after a bed?

(silence)

hello ?

(silence)

there was me thinking you actually wanted to see me !

What an idiot ! He was obviously at a loose end and wanted some action. The minute he realises he isn't getting anything apart from a coffee he disappears into the sunset again. Well good riddance to bad rubbish. 

Lonesome Cowboy can just jog on !

If guys were just honest then life would be so much easier. But then who wants boring anyway?? Give me a man with some mystery any day. 

A one way meeting

A short story.......
So I had been communicating with a gentleman for a few days when I mentioned I was going to see a local band. He said he had seen them before and had noticed they were playing and thought he might go along too with his mates. So it seemed like a good opportunity to say Hi without it actually being a first date. Perfect. Easy. Simple. As he admitted he was quite shy I thought this random hello meeting would be a good way to break the ice.
So the night arrived, and I made a good effort to like good. Once inside the bar I became a bit nervous and made sure I had my back to the door so I wasn't watching EVERY man who walked in. It was tough though and I started to think it was a bad idea! I had seen a couple of pictures of him but in each one he looked completely different. So every guy who walked past was potentially him! I had arrived major early to have a gossip with my friends and so text him to find out what time he was planning on being there. He said around 10, so I settled into enjoying the band and a good night out.

Finally around 10.45 I received a text from him saying "Wow very sexy,nice legs". See, I had been thoughtful and sent him a picture of what I was wearing so he could spot me. I smiled and tried not to look around too much and just replied with "Thank you. So where are you?" His response "Not far from you. I'm shy and you are way out of my league"
On principle I was determined not to turn round and look too hard for him. I was slightly miffed that he didn't have the balls so to speak to stick his neck out and just say Hi. I was even more put out by the fact that from that moment on I knew he was watching me and I didn't know where he was. It was a bit off putting! I text him as we were about to leave and said "I'm off now and I cant believe you didn't say Hi." I must have walked passed him on my way out but I stuck to my guns and didn't look for him.

Talk about a wasted opportunity! It was like a one sided date! He could see me but I was blind to him ! Believe me I wont be suggesting that idea again!

A grown up goodbye

Sometimes things happen for a reason. And other times things don't happen for a reason. Its sad when all your initial hopes and dreams fall down around you, but its better to be honest with each other, wish each other well and move along.
The important thing when this happens is how you deal with it. Act like a grown up, no matter how much it upsets you, or winds you up or makes you feel depressed and a failure or rejected. There is nothing worse than a bad parting, no matter how short or long the length of time you have known each other. No one plans to let someone down, or dash their dreams. In short its just life and another twist in the road.
Two people who continue blindly with a relationship, even in its early stages, just to try and prove a point, or just because they don't want to be alone are just lying to each other and themselves. Eventually it will fall apart, and further down the line is always more emotional. Why lie about your beliefs or feelings ? It always comes out in the end. Be truthful to yourself and treat others as you wish to be treated.

Don't reduce yourself to trading insults or accusing others of leading you on. Be graceful in defeat and just reflect on it as a short detour to your final destination.
I have met a lot of nice guys over the last few years, but for whatever reason we have not continued onto a lasting romance. Each one is a new chapter in my life story, a short paragraph or a whole section. No one knows where we will end up as we all walk this life not knowing what or who is around the corner.

So here's a big thanks to all the nice guys I have met, and wish them well in their lives. They have all influenced me in some way or another and helped me find my true path.