2017 in retrospect, the rough before the smooth.

Apologies for my absence again. I took a few months off from dating as it started to hit my confidence levels quite hard. Off the back of a toxic relationship and some health issues, dating was one drama I could do without. Looking back on my last blog in February I cant believe that was only this Year. I'd completely forgotten about a couple of those !

Since then what has happened- probably too many non progressing dates to be honest. I had a previous gentleman get back in touch, apologise for his disappearance overnight - we had met a couple of times and got on well, for him to then vanish. I told him I understood life gets in the way. I don't hold grudges. So we chatted again, and he vanished again ! Never mind. These things happen.
I also attempted a long distance relationship- the work of the armed forces kept him out the country literally a week after we met, then family holiday commitments both sides interfered with meeting up. We did get to go away for a weekend trip to a wedding, but once again the friendship zone hit, and we parted ways. Again I don't hold grudges. I want someone to be totally into me, to have the time in their life for me, to message me even just to say hi, and to include me in future events they have planned. And if its not right on one side then there is no point in holding on and wasting someones time. Both these guys I wish all the best in their lives, and I know they do with me too.

So I found myself on line again. And instantly regretted it. I caught the attention of a man who decided to try a different tact when chatting to me.
So this was how it started -

Turns out I had innocently forgotten to change my body shape on my profile. Now the options available are limited- literally -6 options-  rather not say, thin, athletic, average,few extra pounds , big & tall/BBW.  So I must have selected athletic when I'd originally set my profile up. Okay since then I may have added a few pounds , but I don't think its a massive misdemeanor as I'm still active .

But this guy took offence. He continued 

Seriously where does this guy get off ? ! I know I shouldn't have done but I bit, and I had to reply....

Ok , so I may have lied in that one - should read a curvy uk size 12. But on what planet does anyone have the right to insult someone like that? I took it to heart, and I admit I cried. After Years of dating and meeting people I have never felt so low as I did at that point. I like my curves- ok I have a few I would rather I didn't have- but don't we all! As we get older its not so easy to stay skinny as you did in your 20s.  . This photo is me just a few months ago.  A photographer friend of mine has even used my curves for an exhibition hes doing. I wish I could share the photos but they are under wraps for now. But I'm really pleased with his photos and that helped build my confidence back up. 

This man obviously has had some bad experiences and decided he would just verbally attack someone.  Thing is he was no oil painting himself. He looked like he had an obsession with sun beds, or an unhealthy addiction to laying in the sun. But his attitude was shocking. Its worrying to think he may be a father, and thinks its acceptable to show his son how to degrade women. 

But I put the upsetting incident behind me & didn't let it put me off. Guess what..........

I've finally found a good man !!!

I might even share our story some time with you ! 

Serious side to Bonnie.

Its been a while since my last blog. That's not to say life hasn't been interesting believe me ! But sometimes even this blogger wants to keep things private and not tell the world every detail of her life. But who knows maybe some time in the future I will share all with the world! I have to be careful as my parents read this !

"Will you ever come off the naughty step Bonnie ?"

Blogging about my dating life has certainly raised a smile on some peoples faces, and has helped me understand more about me, men and relationships. Its been fun looking back at some of the incidences and I am always conscious not to tarnish every man with the same brush. Because as you speak to more guys you realise some women out there are just as bad!

But then this blog can cause a few raised eyebrows. I don't tend to tell every guy I speak to that I write about my dating life. Some guys get scared off, but to be fair no one gets named (no law suits here!) and they only need to worry about being named and shamed so to speak if they do anything seriously out of line, or ridiculous! Although sometimes it worries me that ex boyfriends from my distant past will read this blog, recognise themselves and not be too happy about it being read by strangers ! Oh well ho hum - a woman scorned and all that!

But it is nice when I meet a new "match" to be able to come clean and let him appreciate my ramblings. Its great meeting someone with an open mind and who accepts that we all have a past, checkered or murky or squeaky vanilla clean.

 That's what makes us who we are now. We have all been molded, influenced and affected by even the smallest of details from life in general not just relationships. From parents to friends, we take on board everybody's actions and reactions to whats acceptable behaviour and what is not. I find myself ever aware now that as my daughter is approaching the age of 16 that life begins to change and pressures from peers can influence every decision she makes, good or bad. I hope that she feels able to talk to me about any issue or queries she has. I have always been open and honest with her and try not to preach too much on what is right and wrong in relationships. She has to find her own way and make her own mistakes to learn from. My own mothers statement of "shes only doing what you did at that age" will no doubt come back to haunt me !  I'm sure at some stage I will be repeating another one of my mums legendary comments to my own daughter "I'd rather know where you are then discover you been with a boy in a bush somewhere"
And yes I could have died with embarrassment when she said it !






Blimey that was deep for me ! So I shall leave you with a small tale I heard from a friend to lighten the mood and make you all smile:

A friend I know had a discussion with a boy she knew. He had met a new girl and things were rather serious. He mentioned she was a vegetarian and he was a bit put out by this. When asked why he replied "well she wont give me a blow job as she says no meat will ever pass into her mouth"

A grown up goodbye

Sometimes things happen for a reason. And other times things don't happen for a reason. Its sad when all your initial hopes and dreams fall down around you, but its better to be honest with each other, wish each other well and move along.
The important thing when this happens is how you deal with it. Act like a grown up, no matter how much it upsets you, or winds you up or makes you feel depressed and a failure or rejected. There is nothing worse than a bad parting, no matter how short or long the length of time you have known each other. No one plans to let someone down, or dash their dreams. In short its just life and another twist in the road.
Two people who continue blindly with a relationship, even in its early stages, just to try and prove a point, or just because they don't want to be alone are just lying to each other and themselves. Eventually it will fall apart, and further down the line is always more emotional. Why lie about your beliefs or feelings ? It always comes out in the end. Be truthful to yourself and treat others as you wish to be treated.

Don't reduce yourself to trading insults or accusing others of leading you on. Be graceful in defeat and just reflect on it as a short detour to your final destination.
I have met a lot of nice guys over the last few years, but for whatever reason we have not continued onto a lasting romance. Each one is a new chapter in my life story, a short paragraph or a whole section. No one knows where we will end up as we all walk this life not knowing what or who is around the corner.

So here's a big thanks to all the nice guys I have met, and wish them well in their lives. They have all influenced me in some way or another and helped me find my true path.

Reasons

The saying goes

"Some People come into your life for a reason."

I have recently noticed I can work out how and why I have entered other peoples lives, but I'm buggered if I can see why so many idiots, sorry, men have come into my life and what lessons I need to learn from them.
On more than one occasion, I have helped a young man find himself again, or get over a bad break up, or made them smile, or shown them what life is all about. But what exactly have these guys given me in return apart from heartache and a bewildering view on the male race!
The new let down statement seems to be "Bonnie you are too good for me. You deserve better"
Now surely that's my decision to make? If I deem you not worthy then so be it. But that's not your decision to make, and it certainly seems a bigger cop out to the old faithful "Its not you, its me".
Dam right its not me! I am loving and giving, funny but slightly mad, and a joy to be around- most of the time.
I keep having to tell myself it isn't anything I have done that sends these guys off back to their ex wives/girlfriends. Its just that they don't have a big enough pair of balls to move on with their lives and do something different. Jump into the unknown future, enjoy life with someone new. No, these boys (they aren't men) would prefer a comfy pair of slippers, the woman who they moan about or are bored with etc rather than a new exciting challenge. They would rather an easy life with someone who they can walk over, as these women are desperate to have them back as opposed to be lonely.

I do deserve better. I deserve a man who will stand up to me when I'm being ratty, and for me when I need defending. I need a man who will go that extra mile and not sit back and expect life to fall in his lap along with his dinner. What I need is an equal.
While I'm searching for him I will make sure I don't get fooled again. I wont put up barriers, that's not me, I wear my heart on my sleeve as you never know my match may be round the next corner. After two years of dating I am happy with my own company, I'm not desperate for just any Tom Dick or Harry. Believe me I seem to have found a fair few Dicks in my time recently! But I will be ready for my match, when he appears, and we will walk off into the sunset together, slowly but surely.