A Year in dating

Nearly a Year ago I started writing this blog about my dating life. Partly because I had so many stories I felt needed sharing to the world and writing a book was too daunting a task. But also as a means of me expressing my emotions and coming to terms with things. Its so easy to bottle feelings up that then overcome you. My wise father once told me to write things down. It may not solve the problem but it does help to release the emotion on to a piece of paper, or in this case the world wide web! Okay so some people can't understand my need to share my personal life to the World for all and sundry to read, but for me it works. In today's technology fueled world its the modern day equivalent to a diary!

This time of Year we tend to see lots of reviews about whats happened in the World over the last twelve months. Considering I haven't written about all my dates, the prospect of looking back is not done with a smile on my face! I consider myself to be quite a happy woman most days (excluding the hours I spend at work) but even I am struggling to raise a smile.
Okay, maybe I'm being  a bit hard on myself and all the Guys I have met. They haven't all been bad. The good ones know who they are as they are all reading this! Some how some of my past daters have evolved into a sort of support network around me. I find myself talking to them and asking their advise over the advise of friends. Maybe its because I feel they know me better than some friends, or maybe its because they are in the same boat. We all want to be happy with someone we love, who loves us back equally for all our faults. These great Guys know me and my faults.  They tell me when to man up, when to walk away, what to look out for, they pick me up when I am down and they laugh with me at my scrapes. And in turn I am there for them. Always ready to chat and lend an ear, like the equivalent of a long distance sharing of a bottle of wine  In my own way I love each one dearly. Otherwise I wouldn't still be in contact with them. It doesn't mean they are my fall back when I've been stood up, I do not look at them as my back up plan. They are decent guys who for whatever reason between us have just become good loyal friends. I honestly wish them luck in finding their life partners and wish them a full life of happiness.Although if they could set me up with my Mr Wonderful I will be eternally grateful!

So as I look back what can I say about 2012 ? Well there have been some winners and some losers. Some highs and some crashing lows. I don't regret anything I have done or written about. I have created some memories along the way, nice restaurants, days out, etc, and some of those memories will stay private to me till my dying day. In writing this blog some people think it gives them the right to mock me for my bad luck in love. I stand tall against those people who do not know the real me. Mock me all you like, to me it just means your own life is lacking in some adventure. Inside though I am probably hurting from your words so often said in jest, but that are actually very hurtful.

This time of Year is always hard for us Singletons. Christmas is all about family and loved ones. When that special person is missing from your life it can mean you feel very lonely. I find myself over emotional at the moment, and ready to burst in to tears at the slightest thing. Its like a bad case of Christmas PMT ! Some one need to rescue me with a years supply of chocolate, baileys and laughter before I let the wallowing in self pity take over. God help the next person who upsets me. Cover your ears for an almighty rant !

So now I just have to keep looking forward. Look over that Wintery horizon and make something happen in 2013. Its the last Year I will spend in my thirties so I need to compile a list of achievable goals. Places to see, things to do. I have tickets to a gig in February and I'm sure one of my guys will come with me if all else fails. A planned trip to see the Superbikes (motorbikes) with one is starting to be formed, so I already have some things to look forward to. I promise my blog will be with me all the way. 

Let the adventures begin !

Reasons

The saying goes

"Some People come into your life for a reason."

I have recently noticed I can work out how and why I have entered other peoples lives, but I'm buggered if I can see why so many idiots, sorry, men have come into my life and what lessons I need to learn from them.
On more than one occasion, I have helped a young man find himself again, or get over a bad break up, or made them smile, or shown them what life is all about. But what exactly have these guys given me in return apart from heartache and a bewildering view on the male race!
The new let down statement seems to be "Bonnie you are too good for me. You deserve better"
Now surely that's my decision to make? If I deem you not worthy then so be it. But that's not your decision to make, and it certainly seems a bigger cop out to the old faithful "Its not you, its me".
Dam right its not me! I am loving and giving, funny but slightly mad, and a joy to be around- most of the time.
I keep having to tell myself it isn't anything I have done that sends these guys off back to their ex wives/girlfriends. Its just that they don't have a big enough pair of balls to move on with their lives and do something different. Jump into the unknown future, enjoy life with someone new. No, these boys (they aren't men) would prefer a comfy pair of slippers, the woman who they moan about or are bored with etc rather than a new exciting challenge. They would rather an easy life with someone who they can walk over, as these women are desperate to have them back as opposed to be lonely.

I do deserve better. I deserve a man who will stand up to me when I'm being ratty, and for me when I need defending. I need a man who will go that extra mile and not sit back and expect life to fall in his lap along with his dinner. What I need is an equal.
While I'm searching for him I will make sure I don't get fooled again. I wont put up barriers, that's not me, I wear my heart on my sleeve as you never know my match may be round the next corner. After two years of dating I am happy with my own company, I'm not desperate for just any Tom Dick or Harry. Believe me I seem to have found a fair few Dicks in my time recently! But I will be ready for my match, when he appears, and we will walk off into the sunset together, slowly but surely.