2017 in retrospect, the rough before the smooth.

Apologies for my absence again. I took a few months off from dating as it started to hit my confidence levels quite hard. Off the back of a toxic relationship and some health issues, dating was one drama I could do without. Looking back on my last blog in February I cant believe that was only this Year. I'd completely forgotten about a couple of those !

Since then what has happened- probably too many non progressing dates to be honest. I had a previous gentleman get back in touch, apologise for his disappearance overnight - we had met a couple of times and got on well, for him to then vanish. I told him I understood life gets in the way. I don't hold grudges. So we chatted again, and he vanished again ! Never mind. These things happen.
I also attempted a long distance relationship- the work of the armed forces kept him out the country literally a week after we met, then family holiday commitments both sides interfered with meeting up. We did get to go away for a weekend trip to a wedding, but once again the friendship zone hit, and we parted ways. Again I don't hold grudges. I want someone to be totally into me, to have the time in their life for me, to message me even just to say hi, and to include me in future events they have planned. And if its not right on one side then there is no point in holding on and wasting someones time. Both these guys I wish all the best in their lives, and I know they do with me too.

So I found myself on line again. And instantly regretted it. I caught the attention of a man who decided to try a different tact when chatting to me.
So this was how it started -

Turns out I had innocently forgotten to change my body shape on my profile. Now the options available are limited- literally -6 options-  rather not say, thin, athletic, average,few extra pounds , big & tall/BBW.  So I must have selected athletic when I'd originally set my profile up. Okay since then I may have added a few pounds , but I don't think its a massive misdemeanor as I'm still active .

But this guy took offence. He continued 

Seriously where does this guy get off ? ! I know I shouldn't have done but I bit, and I had to reply....

Ok , so I may have lied in that one - should read a curvy uk size 12. But on what planet does anyone have the right to insult someone like that? I took it to heart, and I admit I cried. After Years of dating and meeting people I have never felt so low as I did at that point. I like my curves- ok I have a few I would rather I didn't have- but don't we all! As we get older its not so easy to stay skinny as you did in your 20s.  . This photo is me just a few months ago.  A photographer friend of mine has even used my curves for an exhibition hes doing. I wish I could share the photos but they are under wraps for now. But I'm really pleased with his photos and that helped build my confidence back up. 

This man obviously has had some bad experiences and decided he would just verbally attack someone.  Thing is he was no oil painting himself. He looked like he had an obsession with sun beds, or an unhealthy addiction to laying in the sun. But his attitude was shocking. Its worrying to think he may be a father, and thinks its acceptable to show his son how to degrade women. 

But I put the upsetting incident behind me & didn't let it put me off. Guess what..........

I've finally found a good man !!!

I might even share our story some time with you ! 

a few recent interactions

Sorry for once again being absent. I've had a few things to deal with the last few months personally .But I'm back and decided on  a new take on the blog this year. Last few posts have been pretty reflective, but I want to get back to the craziness that is internet dating.  So I plan to update you weekly with a few of the mad things that people have said or claimed to be whilst chatting. Still without a new laptop (fairy godmother is in hiding , I keep asking for new shoes !) So I'm afraid no pictures. Besides ,I'm sure I would get into trouble for posting some of the photos I've been sent , or unmasking the naughty men who are cheating on their wives !
So here's a few gems from the last few weeks.


Diary entry 19th January:
So this week I've been asked to drive to Dunnow to meet a naked drunk guy who wanted me to get stoned with him ('its okay I'm an honest guy and will take you out for a meal next time ').
I've walked to the pub for a date with my dress tucked up under my short jacket and flashed my knickers to the whole world. Once there and on the date the guy kept saying he wanted more than one drink and asked if he could stay. I said no, he then held my hand and then when he dropped me off at the end of the road , had a snog and asked again to stay. Again no was the answer. The following day he tells me there was no spark . Funny that , I'm sure you would of found it if I'd said you could stay ! Stupid thing is his twin brother tried the same trick about 4 years ago !
Then we had the waterski instructor who is also a fireman who has been doing up a barn conversion, but all his photos of him aren't in the same type of surroundings as the 'professional ' looking ones of the barn interior. Seemed too good to be true.
Oh and lastly the young lads who I am old enough to be their mother and the comment that I look like a tonka toy you can't brake ! Not sure if the spelling mistake was intended but either way I'm still not sure if it was an insult or a compliment!



Diary 2nd February
This weeks gems include a guy who likes showing off on face time , and even when I told him no, still sends me a picture of him in and out of his tidy whities.  Then we have the astronaut who can't decide If he lives in Colchester or Ipswich, who only wants friends, but wants to meet up without trading numbers , in a pub and wants to smooch in the car and feel my curves afterwards !
And finally the one who wanted to meet for a drink. The policeman. Who as soon as he had my number he stopped messaging. I'm sure my numbers not on the most wanted list ! Oh and as a policeman he didn't know where my village was, even though it's just across a small creak to him !

Diary 11th February.

This week I have apparently been chatted up by one of the best looking guys who has ever ridden a moto gp bike. Mr playboy himself Randy de Puniet. Now ladies you need to Google him if you don't know who he is. He is gorgeous!  He is apparently now a fireman in London who is also a semi pro football player who only last week snapped his leg playing football ! I'm yet to find the source of the fake leg break picture !
Then we have the guy who says he's single , but both his and his fiancees Facebook profiles show,otherwise ( the secrets are uncovered when you trade mobile numbers that sync to your Facebook messenger ) . And finally the friend of a friend who is on tinder , but I know is married !

Oh the tales people tell !

A case of not going out, not out out, but at all !

At my age I fully appreciate the fact that I am too old to be clubbing every weekend, or staying up to watch the sun come up, or getting drunk every Friday and Saturday night. BUT I still want to go out. You know, a nice meal, cinema, pub or bars even (so long as I don't feel like I am old enough to be every one else in there's mum ) or even just a walk in the countryside. But it appears the male species of the same age don't share this view.

 The last few guys I have met/dated (after a long chat with my dad we decided my last real love was 10 years ago, everything since then has been close friendship/ companionship, so they don't warrant being called real relationships, just dating) seem to all have the same lack luster approach to even venturing outside the house. They are all very quick to "get their feet under the kitchen table " and keep their arses on mine/their sofas. The whole going out seems to have stopped after the first (few if I'm lucky) dates. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sitting in watching a dvd,drinking a bottle of wine, etc. But I don't want to being doing that every night, or every weekend for the rest of my days. Especially not at a time when you should be going out having fun and enjoying each others company. One guy I recently met even thought it was acceptable to inform me that his youngest two children had come over and his 18 Year old daughter was also popping over, after I arrived at his flat (a 40 minute drive from mine). And this was only our third meeting ! To make matters worse after giving him another chance to redeem himself, the next time I drove down his mate was there ! Not exactly conducive to a romantic evening, especially when after his mate left his 18 Year old turned up again !

I don't expect to be going out every time I'm on a date, but I expect some sort of effort. To just turn up at my house, sit on my sofa, and play on your phone all night searching for Ebay bargains is not a good date. Its a piss take ! Or to be more interested in finding out if your ex is dating someone else than actually speaking to me is also not acceptable. Its also a bit hypocritical, when you had been seeing me for at least a month and a half and didn't think you should tell her about me! ( Don't worry at that point I had already come to my senses and finished it with him in my head. I just had to tell him !)

I don't think I'm being demanding. I think I just have some life left in me. As much as I want to settle down long term, I also want to have some fun enjoyable times. If I have to date and continue my search a lot longer to find a like minded man I will do. If that means I am classed as a serial dater then so what. At the end of the day I want to be happy. I can quite easily sit on my sofa with my dog if I want to stay home. Believe me she is probably more fun and better company than a lot of men I have had the misfortune of dating !

Missing- A key to the closet

I meant to write this blog months ago when it was fresh in my head, but I had a moral dilemma over it. As much as I have always said no matter how embarrassing the story is I will always write about it. I never mention names so no one can be embarrassed, but this one was really tough. I felt like I was crossing a line. But like everything it has a reason for happening, and in this case I think it serves as a privacy warning to us all. So I will start from the beginning, its only a short story, highly embarrassing all round, but might will make you chuckle- and me blush!

Once upon a time I received a message from a guy online. Lets call him Bob.  I checked out his profile- pictures a little bit grainy, no massive description, but nothing that should raise alarm bells or my excellent spidey powers.  So we started chatting- nothing deep and meaningful just the usual.  He didn't have any children, was not a massive football fan or beer drinking drunk, so when he suggested meeting for coffee on a Sunday lunchtime I thought what the hell I have nothing else planned. So we traded numbers.

That evening I was sofa surfing with my daughter and her boyfriend, watching the tele and just chilling out.  As a seasoned multi-tasker I started scrolling through my contacts on my phones  Facebook messenger.

Here's a tip for anyone who didn't know- the messenger syncs your phone contacts and adds to the list anyone on your phone to the messenger app if they have Facebook. They don't have to be on your friends list, but you can still see their public profile.

So suddenly up pops a name I don't recognise- for privacy sake lets say it said Shirley Temple. So obviously I take a look. I scroll through a few pictures, and can't seem to work out how I would know this person. So I decided to take a closer look at the pictures. It suddenly dawned on me that this woman, was or had been at some stage a man ! At this point my brain started working overtime. I started to scroll back across at the profile pics of Sundays coffee date and compare them to Shirley.
At this point my face was showing signs of confusion. So much so that my daughters boyfriend looked at me and asked if I was okay. I needed a second opinion, so I showed them the photos. They agreed with me that Shirley had to be him- the features matched up. I sat there in shock. Now I'm no prude, but to come across something like this was a bit mind blowing ! So I sent "Bob" a message. I explained I had been scrolling through my contacts and Shirley had popped up. It appeared to be connected to his phone number- how weird.   It took Bob an hour to reply.- actually just checked my phone- correction 2 and a half hours to reply. He said
 "That's strange. I did lend my phone to a friend the other week. They must have added my number to messenger and made a fake profile. Ill have to find out what they have done"
my reply- blunt I know but I was in shock
"Can't be that. This profile page has been running for a fair few years by the looks of it"
Another half hour wait and Bob texts back
"The only thing I can do is be honest and truthful. Yes I do cross dress. Yes I was going to tell you.  Shirley is my alter ego. Never realised that it matches up names and numbers on Facebook messenger.  I try to keep it a secret as family, friends and work don't know. If you feel that now u cant meet me I totally understand. Sorry again for telling a white lie."

At this point I kind of felt sorry for him.Poor bloke , some random woman has stumbled across his big secret.  I told him that as much as I admired his now honesty I didn't think I could handle it. He tried to persuade me that he now only dresses from time to time and he would try to make sure it didn't impact on my life. Thing is in my head I knew if I meet him I wouldn't be able to look at him without wondering or worst still giggling ! Plus how could it not impact on my life- he would have more lovely dresses than me and probably more shoes !


Once I got over the shock I called a very open minded male friend. Told him the story and showed him the pictures. His response -" He looks far better as a woman"  I hate to admit but I started to laugh ! It all suddenly seemed so funny. I have no issues with how anyone chooses to dress, or live or make themselves happy, just I wouldn't like to stumble across anyone's secret like that. It felt like I was invading their privacy.  The moral of this story is that everyone needs to keep a check on what they put out there on line. I am used to coming across peoples profiles of guys who are actually in relationships or have other names in real life to their screen dating profile, but a whole closet of secrets should be kept well hidden.

Tinker, Tailor, Soilder, Sailor ........

Rich Man, Poor man, Beggar man, Thief.

Yep, I can say I have pretty much met all of the above and many more !
I started to wonder if a persons employment does affect their behaviour, do they have a common thread that runs through them ? Should I be looking more for a profession than a person as such? Have I been chasing the wrong guy due to their work code or has it been just bad luck ? So I thought I would run back through a few. Okay I haven't meet a professional Tinker, or a tailor actually, but lets start with a few common ones......

Policeman- supposed to be morally upstanding, dependable, trustworthy, the up-stander for whats right and wrong in society. Erm, not from what I have experienced ! Id always heard never trust a policeman, they always have eyes everywhere and probably if not a wife, another girl elsewhere ! I have met at least three coppers. All nice guys on the surface- but none of them good at letting the past go, or another woman pass them by ! They believe themselves to be superior to anyone else. Not what I'm looking for thank you!

Firemen- have met/dated two, and I can honestly say in my opinion worse than Policemen! Both had their own warped sense of reality, or what was morally right from wrong. Its not actually the case they cant keep their hose pipe in their trousers. In these cases it was what went on in their heads that was the problem.Either morally wrong thoughts or lies and truth distortions.  I wont go in to details but let say I only want to see a fireman in an emergency in future !

Builders /plumbers/roofers- normally perceived as strapping big lads. The few I have dated haven't always been that type of build, and also against stereotype were not the type of guys to wolf whistle at anyone ! They were full of practical ideas for improvements- not to me to property/objects. But actually getting them to do the work was another matter! One was very money obsessed/ status lead and would happily work 7 days a week for some extra money. But obviously that was his money to be spent on him not for us to enjoy. After a few too many boys days/weekends/holidays and with me being told we couldn't go out as he had to save and replace the money he had spent on those trips I had enough! These guys are very laid back, everything can wait- always time for another cup of tea types. One trait I will give them as a bonus.

Drivers- bus/lorry/delivery. Sudden realisation as I wrote that sentence that these guys all seem to be shy, reserved and quiet in public. But with alcohol and on a one to one basis they become animals ! Maybe its the time they spend driving alone all day, but they seem to crave a womans body over her mind. Very physical human beings (I'm not complaining) but also hard to read and to actually find the man hidden below. I have known one for years and I still can't suss him out. I thought he was a womaniser, but the longer I have known him the more I think I was well off the scent. Unless he is the mastermind at lying !

Office workers/estate agents/sales reps. Although I have included Office workers I actually not sure if I can remember one ! Better cross them off my list

Estate Agents/Sales reps. Bizarrely enough they may love the sound of their own voice but they do tend to have a problem with listening to anyone else's. Their communication skills are pretty bad, and the intrusion of
a too quick text reply can send them into a melt down. They may be able to sell houses or paper etc but with matters of the heart they seemed to get flustered and tie themselves up in knots. Likeable guys as a rule, but tend to say what they think you want to hear and then turn it all around and accuse you of wanting more than them.

Ooo just remembered I did date an office worker- although he worked shifts but sat behind a desk  that was  what threw me off ! Now he was a very troubled man. Didn't know what he wanted. Maybe that's the shift worker pattern coming into its own. Firemen, police, warehouse men all shift workers who seem confused child like people who probably all should of had a more dominant mother in their lives !


At the root of it all though lays ones connecting factor. Me ! Maybe it is me after all ! Maybe they all lied when they uttered the words- "Its not you"

Oh god time for some more self analysis !

The strange are not just restricted to on line dating

So for the second time this Year I got set up with a friend of a friend.
Surely that means this Guy is normal ? (to be fair the first "date my mate" was normal and a great guy and we still communicate now - it just wasn't meant to be )
Surely as a friend of a trusted friend nothing could go wrong ? No skeletons in closets, no current emotional baggage as the friend should have filtered all that out before suggesting a meet.

Well reserve judgement !  Even friends of friends can have issues !
We chatted via texts and then agreed to meet up. All went well both times we met. He admitted he hadn't been looking for anyone in particular but when the mutual friend had suggested meeting me he thought why not ? He could be missing out on someone special (his words not mine !)
So what could go wrong ? Apparently something so simple as a text message was the catalyst for a melt down ! And I bet you all want to know what the text was that he sent ? Well this time it was me !! I am the bad one . The inappropriate texter.  The one that crossed the line.
Shame on me !!
Thing is I bet you can never guess what I wrote ? Something soo bad that he felt like telling me everything that was wrong with the way I behaved.
Ready for it . Here you go .....

" Hiya. Hope you having a good week. Weather here a bit pants but we are having a few day trips out so still enjoyable "

That sentence is apparently the worst text I could have sent. Want to know why? Here you go :

A few days previous he had text to say it was difficult to text as he was helping out an ex for a few days with babysitting duties.(not his child, not a long term relationship) He was staying there (alarm bell !!) and would be home again at the weekend. He suggested I text on the Saturday saying "Boo"

I sent the fated text on the Thursday afternoon. Now according to him that means I am totally incapable of following orders. That it meant he couldn't relax for fear of the phone going off.
My response "Oh sorry I didn't realise I had to act as if you were married "!!!!!
Seriously how on earth do I meet them ! A text as innocent as that to someone who is helping an ex out whilst she is working ( sent during work hours when my brain figured she wouldn't be around) then meant I wasn't trustworthy or worth the energy.

Help us all- the loony daters are escaping from the internet and flooding the real world !!

Love, Lust and friendship

I am currently in the midst of a house move (hopefully) and whilst clearing out the cupboards I have had time to reflect on the last three years of living in my home. This is the first house myself and my daughter have lived in without the presence of a permanent  male. We have had our ups and downs but we have managed with most things - even general DIY! But as much as I have embraced my own company in between the dating and short lived relationships, I know I am still looking for my match.

I have decided to start dealing with people the same way I deal with my household and personal items. At home, instead of hanging on to items that haven't seen the light of day for 6-12 months, I am ruthless and I put these items out. But with people I tend to cling on in the hope they might actually fulfill there potential purpose. This includes friends as well as potential suitors. Sometimes I am strict in my ways, for instance if a guy I am talking to starts sending me unwanted rude photos, I block them. If a guy doesn't text on a regular basis and seem keen, or they cease communication I delete their numbers after a week.

The problem comes with guys I have dated, liked and lost. I always let them come back into my life, with their empty promises of
 "Oh Bonnie I'm sorry , I have no excuse for not being in touch"
or my personal favourite:
"I'm so stupid I have a stunning woman whom I'm crazy about and I cant get it right . I'm a twit"

I'll tell you who is the stupid one- me !! For not blocking your sorry arse out my life the last time you pulled that line on me! Seriously, whats wrong with my brain sometimes. I go soft and mushy and develop selective memory. Well no more. from now on the old saying :

is what I will love by. I will waste no more time on people who didn't live up to the mark the first time around. Life is too short for me to be wasting any more time on these idiots who after all are only after an ego boost. When it comes to actually proving they " love you" they seem to be lacking. Actions speak louder than words.

I have also come to realise maybe they way we approach dating is all wrong. Not so much in how you find a potential mate, but in how you move forward. So many times we fall for someone on looks or the date itself, as opposed to the important thing- the person they are inside. Anyone can buy nice clothes, take you to fancy restaurants, wine & dine you and shower you with goods. But would you still be interested when he or she is lazing around in their shorts and t-shirt at the weekend ? Could they keep your attention by talking about their day ? Do you even notice the little things in them? Their eye colour, the way they make a joke to ease the seriousness of a subject? How they like you to stroke their back or run your fingers up their arm to comfort them?
Maybe the best way is actually to be friends first. To learn about each other, what makes them tick. As opposed to how someone tries to impress you. Love is like a marathon, its not a short sprint. Burn out too quickly and once the glitter has gone, there is nothing left. Start at a steady relaxed pace, both being yourselves, and you find out if you really can make each other happy or if it is just a lustful need you want satisfied. An itch you need scratching. From now on I will be looking underneath the sugar coasting for the man I can curl up next to in my joggers and not be judged for it.
If he accepts me in my dungeree shorts- hes a true keeper!

The difference between Women & Men

As time goes on and we all grow older (some of us less gracefully than others) it has struck me how men and women change  their  dating behavior. I'm not being mean but its always been an unwritten rule that women think and men just do. But the tide is changing. Women have become more empowered as the years have gone on. The times are long gone where a woman with stay in an unhappy relationship because they were worried they couldn't survive- physically, mentally and financially. But now we are starting to realise we can change a light bulb and fend for ourselves and are finding the power to take back control of the Television remote !

So what does this mean in the world of dating? Well it seems to mean that women are more determined to get what they want and from who they want when they want it. All power to the female revolution ! Go girls ! Go out there and grab life by the balls so to speak. Don't get walked over by men and bow down to their every command. If you don't want to watch football on a Sunday as there is a film on or you want to go out for a romantic woodland walk- tell him. If you don't like the way he picks his nose- tell him. We have the confidence to know that if he wants to be with us he will be, and if he doesn't like what we say he's not worthy of your attention or love. That doesn't mean to say I'm suggesting we pick faults all the time, none of us are perfect we all have flaws in our nature and behaviour. 

As for the male species- how are they evolving? Well it seems they have discovered a new function and part of their anatomy- the under used brain ! Men seem to have developed the power of thought ! They can think for themselves now and are spending far too much time thinking ahead and analyzing their feelings. 

Whoa !!! Hold up there ! Men are not supposed to think with their brains- they tend to lead with their lower body region! Women for years have wired their actions into this belief. If a woman wanted a man to do anything- they used their bodies power of persuasion to get what they want. Now it appears we have to start acting differently. Women can spend ages analysing a single text message- 'what does this mean,what are they trying to say' and now we have to try and think two steps ahead of a man (lets face it we are always one step ahead anyway!). The most common sentence I have started to hear is "I've been thinking" and from the mouth of a man that's a pretty scary concept!

So whats my advise? Well I plan to try and out wit these thinkers, and use my woman's intuition to be ahead of the game, to see the sentence before its even formed in their brains. To engage their thought process along another avenue to stop them thinking. To walk away if the pauses between sentences become too long. 

And my advise for men out there:

Stop thinking- just do !

   

School boy error

I've mentioned the pit falls of photos on profiles before. Unfortunately as its the first part of your on line dating profile anyone takes notice of (closely followed by where you live, age and job title !) you have to make sure you sell yourself well.
My current profile photo is a bit risque, not rude but just attention grabbing. So far it hasn't changed the amount or type of attention I get in a negative way so that's all good. If you got it flaunt it is always a good motto to have !
So as a seasoned pro dater I stumbled across a school boy error made by someone on their profile photos.
I happened to see he had viewed my profile so I returned the favour:

Local lad- tick
Easy on the eye - tick
Age range-tick 
Drives -tick









So what did he do wrong I hear you ask. Well a couple of his photos he had snatched off of his Facebook page, and off someone else's page. How do I know this? Well because at the bottom of the photo was the name of the page owner. His name and in the other one a girls name.
So as a good detective I searched him out on Facebook. On his semi public profile this photo shows up. Nothing wrong with that. On the ladies profile is the other photo in one of her albums. So wheres the problem?
Well for a guy who claims to be single his Cover picture on Facebook is of him and this lady cuddled together ! From a quick scope of his page it appears she lives/works away in another part of the country and he's travelling back and forth to see her .

So Dr Watson we can deduce that whilst the cats away the mouse will play !
When I mentioned this to someone today he said "Yeah well I did something similar when I was in my early twenties " That's the point- in your early twenties we all do things along these lines. But in your late thirties early forties (I hate to admit I am now in that category !) surely we have found our morals and shouldn't be hurting people.

Who am I to judge? As to be fair I suppose I was snooping onto his private facebook page. So long as he doesn't contact me its no skin off my nose . Just feel sorry for the females involved.

How long have you been on the shelf ?

The other day in conversation someone bought up the fact that four years on from the break up of their marriage they couldn't believe they weren't settled down again .
"Try 14 Years " I replied with, semi jokingly.

Until I sat back and thought about it.
Seriously my marriage broke up 14 Years ago. In the last 14 Years what on earth has happened to me in affairs of the heart? Actually that should read what on earth hasn't happened to me !?
I've been there done that on most things (do not read that statement as an admission to being a loose woman so to speak !) I have found myself dating, living with partners,being cheated on,dating, breaking up, dating, lied to, dating again, etc etc. And still I'm not in a long term committed relationship.
Jesus have I got slightly depressed with that thought ! (Thank you to the person who mentioned it- I will punch you next time I see you!)

I had never really looked back on my life that way. I have always been in every situation and relationship and hoped that "this is my fairy tale ending" (finally). But for whatever reason it is yet to happen.
Maybe I am on that road to that ending, maybe this blog is the path I have to travel . The bonus of writing is I can look back and laugh or weep as the case may be, as to how I have come so far. How I have evolved, discovered myself and what I want in life.
And yes after 14 years I do want to settle down. I haven't given up hope of that happy ending. I want to be with someone who loves me But I don't want a boring life. I want to wake up and go on mini adventures, days out, sit and laugh with my other half, and grow old disgracefully. Most of all I want someone who is next to me every step of the journey. Some one who in the words of Katie Perry "I will love unconditionally." Some one whose soul matches mine and whose eyes I can stare into and feel loved and wanted.
Not much for a kookie little girl like me to ask for surely ?

Well that serves me right !

There was I gushing about how great my life was, how I had met a great man and things were looking up !

Well guess what ?! I'm single again !

What happened ? To be honest I'm not entirely sure and i wont go in to massive detail about it as I have promised to stay friends. Lets just say it didn't work out, his decision not mine.

So here I am, in the week before my 40th birthday, and I'm single again !

But like all good Tiggers I will come back bouncing higher than before. Besides this is my 40th birthday year, gives me a valid excuse to behave like an idiot all year !

So here we go again on the dating carousel. Where it stops nobody knows. I am sure along the way I will meet some amazing ,mad, nutty , stupid, single minded idiots, but thats part of the fun !





Oh look, it didn't take long- already had one ask to take me down the marshes !

Gotta love online dating !

Serious side to Bonnie.

Its been a while since my last blog. That's not to say life hasn't been interesting believe me ! But sometimes even this blogger wants to keep things private and not tell the world every detail of her life. But who knows maybe some time in the future I will share all with the world! I have to be careful as my parents read this !

"Will you ever come off the naughty step Bonnie ?"

Blogging about my dating life has certainly raised a smile on some peoples faces, and has helped me understand more about me, men and relationships. Its been fun looking back at some of the incidences and I am always conscious not to tarnish every man with the same brush. Because as you speak to more guys you realise some women out there are just as bad!

But then this blog can cause a few raised eyebrows. I don't tend to tell every guy I speak to that I write about my dating life. Some guys get scared off, but to be fair no one gets named (no law suits here!) and they only need to worry about being named and shamed so to speak if they do anything seriously out of line, or ridiculous! Although sometimes it worries me that ex boyfriends from my distant past will read this blog, recognise themselves and not be too happy about it being read by strangers ! Oh well ho hum - a woman scorned and all that!

But it is nice when I meet a new "match" to be able to come clean and let him appreciate my ramblings. Its great meeting someone with an open mind and who accepts that we all have a past, checkered or murky or squeaky vanilla clean.

 That's what makes us who we are now. We have all been molded, influenced and affected by even the smallest of details from life in general not just relationships. From parents to friends, we take on board everybody's actions and reactions to whats acceptable behaviour and what is not. I find myself ever aware now that as my daughter is approaching the age of 16 that life begins to change and pressures from peers can influence every decision she makes, good or bad. I hope that she feels able to talk to me about any issue or queries she has. I have always been open and honest with her and try not to preach too much on what is right and wrong in relationships. She has to find her own way and make her own mistakes to learn from. My own mothers statement of "shes only doing what you did at that age" will no doubt come back to haunt me !  I'm sure at some stage I will be repeating another one of my mums legendary comments to my own daughter "I'd rather know where you are then discover you been with a boy in a bush somewhere"
And yes I could have died with embarrassment when she said it !






Blimey that was deep for me ! So I shall leave you with a small tale I heard from a friend to lighten the mood and make you all smile:

A friend I know had a discussion with a boy she knew. He had met a new girl and things were rather serious. He mentioned she was a vegetarian and he was a bit put out by this. When asked why he replied "well she wont give me a blow job as she says no meat will ever pass into her mouth"

Another episode of "how not to chat to a woman on line!"

I swear I am not making this up. Yet again the male population has succeeded in being classed as having a one track mind thanks to this specimen!
This is how the short conversation went: I'm in red, he is green.

Hi how are you?

yea your sexy

thank you

hav u got sexy feet hun x

I hate my feet ! Is that your fetish?!

i like them do u paint them hun x

I paint my toe nails not my feet !

yea what colour hun x

strange boy!

well what colour hun x

so the first thing you ask me is do I have sexy feet? then you want to know what colour I paint my toe nails?! Well I change colours every week or so.

really do they look sexy

yes

mmmm i love to see them lol x

Well I'm afraid you wont! I'd rather someone meet me for me not my toes!

lol i would its just i like to taste them x

omg .your not kidding though are you?

yea lol

do u like foot massage

didn't you read, I don't like my feet

my computer aint working rite

i cant see pphoto

well I cant help you there

tell me what u look like hun x

you can see the photos

its playing up

well you will have to wait until it works again

can we talk explicitly

can i ask u things without u getting hump i mean

what are you planning on asking? I'm not talking dirty to you, or showing you photos of my toes or any other part of me

ok hav u got sex toys hun x

READ WHAT I WROTE!!!!!!

oh ok sorry x

i will not talk dirty to you

what size feet are u

why?

so i get a picture iof your toes

At this point I did honestly think he was going to say "I've got some shoes I want you to wear for me "

Creepy !

Okay maybe I should have just stopped responding after the question about my feet but I was interested to know how stupid this man child was going to be! Apart from the spelling errors did he really think a grown woman was going to appreciate having questions directed at her feet ?! And then to ignore the sentence " I'm not talking dirty to you" and to carry on is just plan idiotic ! 

The thing is I get drawn into the conversation and do my best to turn it round on them to make them look stupid, or to just return fire with similar sex object stereotypical questions for the fun of it. But its a waste of my time, as these guys pea sized brains are clearly in their tiny tidy whities !

A text of two sides

Every story has two sides. So lets look at this following scenario from both points of view.

Boy and girl meet on line.
Both communicate pretty consistent and rapidly with each other.
Mobile numbers are exchanged and the texts continue at a pace.
First date arranged. Meal and drinks.Lovely time had by all . Texts continue and second date mutually agreed for two days later.
Second date again was another roaring success. All parties happy and smiling.
Third date set. Day of the date communication seems to slow down, but is accepted as both are working and its not possible to text constantly.At the last moment a work commitment pops up a few hours before hand on the part of the male and the date is cancelled. Accepted as unavoidable and they chat on the phone that night instead.

Third date is arranged for the next available slot after work and children weekend commitments.
Two days after the third date is initially canceled communication seems to dry up completely late afternoon.
Female starts to wonder
 Is history repeating itself, has this date lost interest?
Did I do something wrong?
Has he met some one else?
Or maybe hes ill?

Her emotions start to rule her head, she starts to wind her self up over it. And then does the inevitable text
"Is everything okay? Starting to get paranoid"

Response comes back from male
" Im with a client babe, will call you later"

Female feels stupid. Apologises.

Male texts a few hours later saying when he receives messages like that of paranoia it scares him.

Female tries to explain how female brain works but cant without sounding desperate and more paranoid so just says shes not normally like that (which is the truth, but as she actually likes this guy shes more alert for changes in behavior and doesn't want to get hurt although she wont tell him that, yet!)

And then female realises shes not completely at fault. Male should have just text saying he was busy all those hours before. A text only takes a few seconds. As far as female was concerned he had nothing to do after work and how was she to know he was with a client? Shes not a mind reader?!  But for her own good decides not to bring this to males attention.

So who is right ? who is wrong? Okay female may have over reacted, but male should engage brain, let female know and incident would never have happened.

I know who I blame- the inventor a mobile phones! And I bet that was a man!

Ghosts from the past

Every now and again a face from my past will pop up again. Some welcome, some not. Some have honest motives , others try to be clever and devious.
I am always happy to hear from people I have met or dated before.Well most of them anyway ! I am friends with a lot of guys I have met either from on line dating or from college, work, school, etc. Its good to catch up, share stories, a few drinks whatever.
But occasionally someone tries to creep back in with less than honest reason too. What makes these guys worse is the fact they blatantly lie about what the real reason is for them wanting to see me again.

Lets get this straight guys- "I am not stupid !! "

I may be forgiving, understanding and willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I am not here just for your urges ! I am not here to scratch an itch  for you so to speak.
For instance, one such guy , who I had on previous occasion (sorry occasions !) forgiven for disappearing without a trace got back in touch out of the blue. This is how the messages went:


still think about u baby! I had to tell u that x
Fancy a coffee n chat later?

. What you been up to?

Not much really had the kids for half term just on way back now
U up for a coffee then? X

I dont know. had a late night last night. I get the feeling you just want somewhere warm to go!

I have somewhere warm to go babe just an idea that's all can do it another time if u prefer? X

So where did you disappear to last time you ceased contact?

I've been over (insert name of his exs home town)

all that time??

Jan n feb 

Another go at it with the ex then?

No we just kept it as easy as we could for the kids x (the fact that most of his kids live with his first ex elsewhere seems to have escaped him!)

So you stopped all contact with me overnight no explanation?

I never meant it to turn out the way it did I just had to sort my head out and felt that was the only way x

Fair enough. You can explain it all when I see you

Are u feeling the need to slap me? X

Don't know if I want to slap you

Ok should I be worried then lol x

I'm not violent person. My problem is I'm too trusting and forgiving

Is 8ish ok to come over? Can I push it and have a shower at yrs? Maybe even a bed for the night;) or am I really pushing it now? X

Your not staying. Sorry but no.

Ok look maybe I shouldn't of contacted you again sorry Bon take care babe x

You are more Than welcome round  for a chat but after you dropped me like a tonne of bricks last time I'm not jumping into bed with you the first time I see you. Surely u can understand that?

(silence)

Or were you just after a bed?

(silence)

hello ?

(silence)

there was me thinking you actually wanted to see me !

What an idiot ! He was obviously at a loose end and wanted some action. The minute he realises he isn't getting anything apart from a coffee he disappears into the sunset again. Well good riddance to bad rubbish. 

Lonesome Cowboy can just jog on !

If guys were just honest then life would be so much easier. But then who wants boring anyway?? Give me a man with some mystery any day. 

Birthday mutterings & the last Year in my Thirties

So Yesterday was my 39th Birthday. As I am a January baby I am quite used to the fact that because my birthday falls just before Pay day most people are pretty poor after the festive season. I don't ask for much from my friends, in fact I don't ask for anything. Except their company in celebrating my birthday. Unfortunately as we get older it becomes harder to drag them out for a drink, meal natter - anything!
This year was no exception. I sent a message out suggesting maybe a gathering around mine. The response wasn't great to be honest - usual reasons- lack of money, other plans, no babysitter. I wasn't best pleased!
 I found myself the week before my Birthday getting very emotional and down at the lack of a support network. I know we all have busy lives and other loved ones but I felt very very alone.I found myself in some sort of Bridget Jones moment when thinking about my birthday, singing in my head "All by myself " (Eric Carmen)

Now let me point out, after nearly 3 years being single I am quite used to not being in a relationship on special occasions - birthdays, weddings, Christmas etc. This Year it really didn't bother me that I was a singleton. I was not upset about not having breakfast in bed, or being whisked away for a lovely  romantic  meal,evening or weekend. Don't get me wrong I would love that, and believe me I will milk it when it happens!  I was more upset that I faced spending the evening on my own, without the company of my friends. What made it worse was this Year the day fell on a Saturday- perfect for a few drinks!

Luckily my lovely Daughter came to my rescue and she and my mother spent the evening with me having a Roast dinner (I know, on a Saturday what a rebel!) and watching Gremlins on DVD. 

So now begins the last year of my thirties. I suppose the last year I can possibly get away with not acting grown up! This Year is twelve months of changes for the better. I have already embarked on a Yoga obsession, Pilates is my next activity to take up. I feel now I'm older I can't jump around gracefully doing Zumba, Aerobics anymore. I need something more calming and something with less chance of broken bones or pulled muscles! The calorie counting is also heading the right way. By the summer I plan to be nearer the weight I should be ! That wet suit will look a dam sight better on me this Year when I'm body boarding than the last few years beached whale appearances!

I plan to celebrate my birthday next weekend now. An old flame is visiting the area and after 8 Years its about time we met up again. So we will be raising a glass or two (and probably merry hell!) as a belated birthday toast. 

Next time any of my friends asks why I am still single I may well have to remind them that because they never want to come out socialising with me, how am I supposed to meet a man! I know its an equality world out there but I'm not brave enough to hit the town on my own in the search for a man!

Going Dutch

In the words of the dating dictionary and in my eyes the meaning of "going dutch" on a date is:

In dating, when both parties pay for their own bills, thus effectively dispelling the double-standard where men are always expected to pay.

"If you meet an intelligent, attractive and friendly woman who likes going dutch then you should hang on to her for dear life."

Years of dating experience has lead me to always offer my fair share of the rounds of drinks, or to offer to pay towards the meal. One friend of mine and my dad argue I shouldn't do this. I'm a female and if a male of the species has asked me out then I shouldn't even offer to by a round of drinks or anything. Now as much as I wish this was the norm, its not generally like that. I meet loads of Guys who complain about "money grabbing women" who just expect everything to be paid for and want to be treated like a princess.

I'm not looking to be treated like a fairy tale creature. I am willing and want to pay my way. But in some situations I expect the man to pay. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I expected too much. Read the below situation I found myself in and let me know what your opinions are.

A new match on line showed some interest in my profile. We exchanged messages and then progressed to texts. As it was the Christmas/ New Year Season I didn't expect to meet him straight away as everyone is busy that time of Year. So after a few days he said he would like to meet up but was it okay to wait a few weeks as Christmas had been expensive and he wanted to wait till he got paid so he could take me out for something to eat. I agreed, as I understand some times funds do get tight. (funnily enough I had two guys around the same time who mentioned lack of funds- but the other one is another story ! I'm still yet to meet him!)

In the meantime I suggested we could meet for a quick coffee date one lunchtime. That way if we don't like each other its only the cost of a lunchtime drink that has been spent. He agreed this was a good idea and we met that following weekend. All went well and we ploughed on with our meal date for the following week after his payday. 

So the date night arrives. Due to the predicted snowy weather we met earlier than planned to make sure we weren't both out driving late at night. I had picked a nice restaurant, mid ground between us and not expensive. All was going well, although I did feel like I was being rushed by him to eat my food so we could both go home. Within an hour the food had been eaten , and one drink drunk each. So he then asks for the bill. This was placed on the table and he looked at me and said "well I wonder how much this will be?"  Then continued to look at me as if he was expecting me to say something. I waited, and he just looked at me as he opened the bill in the middle of the table between us. I started to feel awkward and said " so how do you want to do this ? Do you want to go halves ?" Now this is where he SHOULD have said "This is on me". But what he ACTUALLY said was " Yes that would be good" I was slightly annoyed so replied with the words "So you want to go Dutch?" and with a slightly disgruntled look on my face. His response "Yes" So I dug my purse out and he then said "Tell you what You pay a tenner I will cover the rest" The whole bill was £34 so he hadn't exactly had to fork out a fortune! Then he only wanted to leave 50 pence tip- I was embarrassed by this so added a few of my own pound coins towards the tip.

We left the restaurant, parted in the car park with a peck on the cheek and I was home before the time I was originally due to meet him!

So was I right to feel put out? He had asked me to wait to meet him so he could take me out for something to eat. Surely if a man invites you for dinner that should mean he doesn't expect you to pay? This is why I try to stick to coffee or drinks dates! It becomes far too expensive for me otherwise!  How would you have felt? Would you have expected him to pay?