a few recent interactions

Sorry for once again being absent. I've had a few things to deal with the last few months personally .But I'm back and decided on  a new take on the blog this year. Last few posts have been pretty reflective, but I want to get back to the craziness that is internet dating.  So I plan to update you weekly with a few of the mad things that people have said or claimed to be whilst chatting. Still without a new laptop (fairy godmother is in hiding , I keep asking for new shoes !) So I'm afraid no pictures. Besides ,I'm sure I would get into trouble for posting some of the photos I've been sent , or unmasking the naughty men who are cheating on their wives !
So here's a few gems from the last few weeks.


Diary entry 19th January:
So this week I've been asked to drive to Dunnow to meet a naked drunk guy who wanted me to get stoned with him ('its okay I'm an honest guy and will take you out for a meal next time ').
I've walked to the pub for a date with my dress tucked up under my short jacket and flashed my knickers to the whole world. Once there and on the date the guy kept saying he wanted more than one drink and asked if he could stay. I said no, he then held my hand and then when he dropped me off at the end of the road , had a snog and asked again to stay. Again no was the answer. The following day he tells me there was no spark . Funny that , I'm sure you would of found it if I'd said you could stay ! Stupid thing is his twin brother tried the same trick about 4 years ago !
Then we had the waterski instructor who is also a fireman who has been doing up a barn conversion, but all his photos of him aren't in the same type of surroundings as the 'professional ' looking ones of the barn interior. Seemed too good to be true.
Oh and lastly the young lads who I am old enough to be their mother and the comment that I look like a tonka toy you can't brake ! Not sure if the spelling mistake was intended but either way I'm still not sure if it was an insult or a compliment!



Diary 2nd February
This weeks gems include a guy who likes showing off on face time , and even when I told him no, still sends me a picture of him in and out of his tidy whities.  Then we have the astronaut who can't decide If he lives in Colchester or Ipswich, who only wants friends, but wants to meet up without trading numbers , in a pub and wants to smooch in the car and feel my curves afterwards !
And finally the one who wanted to meet for a drink. The policeman. Who as soon as he had my number he stopped messaging. I'm sure my numbers not on the most wanted list ! Oh and as a policeman he didn't know where my village was, even though it's just across a small creak to him !

Diary 11th February.

This week I have apparently been chatted up by one of the best looking guys who has ever ridden a moto gp bike. Mr playboy himself Randy de Puniet. Now ladies you need to Google him if you don't know who he is. He is gorgeous!  He is apparently now a fireman in London who is also a semi pro football player who only last week snapped his leg playing football ! I'm yet to find the source of the fake leg break picture !
Then we have the guy who says he's single , but both his and his fiancees Facebook profiles show,otherwise ( the secrets are uncovered when you trade mobile numbers that sync to your Facebook messenger ) . And finally the friend of a friend who is on tinder , but I know is married !

Oh the tales people tell !

School boy error

I've mentioned the pit falls of photos on profiles before. Unfortunately as its the first part of your on line dating profile anyone takes notice of (closely followed by where you live, age and job title !) you have to make sure you sell yourself well.
My current profile photo is a bit risque, not rude but just attention grabbing. So far it hasn't changed the amount or type of attention I get in a negative way so that's all good. If you got it flaunt it is always a good motto to have !
So as a seasoned pro dater I stumbled across a school boy error made by someone on their profile photos.
I happened to see he had viewed my profile so I returned the favour:

Local lad- tick
Easy on the eye - tick
Age range-tick 
Drives -tick









So what did he do wrong I hear you ask. Well a couple of his photos he had snatched off of his Facebook page, and off someone else's page. How do I know this? Well because at the bottom of the photo was the name of the page owner. His name and in the other one a girls name.
So as a good detective I searched him out on Facebook. On his semi public profile this photo shows up. Nothing wrong with that. On the ladies profile is the other photo in one of her albums. So wheres the problem?
Well for a guy who claims to be single his Cover picture on Facebook is of him and this lady cuddled together ! From a quick scope of his page it appears she lives/works away in another part of the country and he's travelling back and forth to see her .

So Dr Watson we can deduce that whilst the cats away the mouse will play !
When I mentioned this to someone today he said "Yeah well I did something similar when I was in my early twenties " That's the point- in your early twenties we all do things along these lines. But in your late thirties early forties (I hate to admit I am now in that category !) surely we have found our morals and shouldn't be hurting people.

Who am I to judge? As to be fair I suppose I was snooping onto his private facebook page. So long as he doesn't contact me its no skin off my nose . Just feel sorry for the females involved.

The Signal Man who was economical with the truth

What can I say- we have all lied to some degree in our dating lives. But some lies do come back to haunt you. I don't think I have ever said anything that wasn't too far from the truth, but a few Years back I met a guy who was so wrapped up in his lies he confused it with reality. To begin with as normal we sent messages back and forward, a few texts and then he said one afternoon " I'm off work today, when you finish work how about we meet and take my dog out for a walk?". Innocent enough I thought so I agreed. We met up and I thought he seemed very similar to his profile pics, mannerisms etc. We chatted as we walked and got on quite well. The topic of housing came up and he said he had split from the ex and he lived in the house they both had a mortgage on. He was buying her out and she had moved away. Far enough. No issues there.
The date went well and we arranged to meet again, this time for a drink. I was aware he worked shifts so I was used to his erratic calls/ texts at various times of the day, and of the unavoidable lack of communication when he was at work. Second date went well and he suggested how he would like to take me to London for a meal etc sometime soon in the future.
That weekend I had no contact what so ever from him. I started to get a bit suspicious, a little niggling doubt in the back of my mind. Six am Monday morning I receive a picture message from him- not exactly what you want to open our eyes too first thing in the morning! So, I decided to dig a bit deeper and ask why he hadn't been in contact for a few days. He said the ex had come down to stay in the house. I was a bit shocked, he replied that they still had the joint mortgage and he couldn't afford to buy her out so occasionally she came down at the weekend. Oh separate bedrooms of course!
Now a big warning sign came up over my head! This guy was hiding something or someone. A few days later he suggested I popped round to watch a DVD. This gave me an opportunity to look round the house. Well it only took for him to open the Door for me to see that she- the apparent ex- was doing more than popping back at weekends. Her clothes, shoes, make up etc were laying everywhere! In the hall, on the internal door, the dining room table, the kitchen, the stairs! Even the bathroom- when I excused myself to use the facilities, was full of toiletries ! I sat through the DVD and made my excuses and left.
By know I know whats going on- she was working away and at home at weekends- they were still together. I wasn't interested in being with a cheat, so I backed off and planned my revenge.
That weekend I went out with friends to the town that he lived in. As the night wore on I started sending drunken texts to him (fully aware as to what I was doing) just saying I was out in town, blah blah blah and how I wanted to see him. As it turned late I phoned him- knowing he wouldn't answer as his girlfriend/wife was obviously with him. Five minutes later I sent a  text "left the bar , in a cab on my way to yours "
Within seconds he text back- " what- you cant - shes home this weekend its not fair on the ex"
I replied " I'm just rounding the corner - I need some money to pay the cab driver"
You could feel the panic down the phone as he replied "don't knock on the door"
Oh god I was in hysterics and so where my mates. What an idiot.
Thing is he didn't leave it there- he text me first thing Monday morning. I had deleted his number by then but it was him . He asked if I had calmed down from my strop that I was in over the weekend and would I like to see him later !
The bare faced cheek of the man! Honestly, a lesser innocent girl may have fallen for it- but I smelt a rat early on luckily.
Sad thing is his profile is still on the dating site. I hope to god no one gets taken in by this Signal man