New Year New Horizons ?

Its been a while avid readers! Sorry for my delay in writing a new blog, although on the plus side that normally means my dating life is running smoothly! 

Well it was, but then here I am back again ! This time nothing dramatic, just a friendship that is best left as a friendship. 

So 2016 what will you have in store for me ? Probably much of the same as the previous Years! Already I have encountered the usual suspects. Guys who blow really hot and want to meet up, then vanish without a trace. Or the one that goes "Sorry babe got a few family dramas going on, I'm going to have to cancel out date" This "family drama" then makes them incapable of texting ever again. Seriously just be honest! Its easier all round and everyone knows where they stand. This line always leads me to think I must be superhuman. I have stress coming at me from all angles- Work, parents, and daughter of nearly 18 Years old who appears not to learn from her mothers mistakes (or listen to her advise !)  Yes I admit some days I just want to go home curl up in a ball and tell the world to do one whilst I cry my heart out. But that doesn't render me incapable of still going on dates or even replying to messages! I am woman hear me roar! 

So what gem of a story can I tell you today? What have we not heard before?

How about the one where I spotted an ex on Tinder . Nothing wrong with that except he is "supposedly" happy and settled with new kids since 2013 ! Out of fun I clicked yes and so had he !

Or the one where I received a message from a guy who's initial picture looked promising. Until you flicked to the second one which showed a her ! Turned out "they" were looking for a lady to start a relationship with together ! I politely replied to his message with a "I believe I have stumbled into something I don't want to be a part of thanks "

Or the one where when asked why he only had one badly taken out of focus photo on his profile he replied with "have you ever tried to take a photo of yourself?" Er Yes ! That's what reverse cameras & timers on smart phones are for! Or failing that if you are shockingly bad with technology why not ask a friend ! 

Or the guy who has as his only profile pic a naked shot of the rear of him . Or the guy who has taken a photo in his kitchen, using a full length mirror  which shows him sitting on a chair in just his pants and socks !!  Seriously !! 

Please excuse me whilst I curl up into a ball and hide ! 

Saying Goodbye

Every time I meet a new man I always go in hoping he will be the final first date.  I always hope things will work out. I pray to every god known to man (because with my track record one god will never have enough power to change my luck) that this will be the start of something wonderful. So when I meet someone I get on with its a great start. You start looking forward, wishing hoping etc. Things move on and you continue to date each other. But then you start to notice that something just isn't right. That final piece of the jigsaw, the spark, isn't there. Try as you might you can't work out what it is that is wrong. If you get asked you can't put it into words.
These times are the worst. Two people had high hopes. Now someone has to whip the blanket out from under the other person and hurt them. I hate this more than anything. The thing is no one has done anything particularly wrong. You both like each others company, you laugh, joke, feel comfortable with each other. But deep down there is that nagging feeling. I know at that point if I continue dating this guy I will be miserable. In turn I will make his life miserable. I have to call time. I hate myself at this point.
Its easier to end it with someone for a definite reason. Be it they snore, they are rude, tight with their time or money, self centred, lazy or whatever. But to end it for what is at the end of the day just a "feeling" is heart breaking.  I probably come across as being a right heartless cow at this point to the other person. Its just I know the more time they spend with me stops them being able to meet the person they truly can be happy with.
Saying goodbye is tough. Moving on is tougher. In this day and age its so easy to check up on past loves, to put yourself through the emotional wind turbine when you see they are happy with someone else. You know in your heart that you couldn't make them happy, its still a feeling of being somehow broken. "Is it me that's damaged/in the wrong/too demanding?" flies through your head. You kick yourself for snooping in on them. But it doesn't stop you repeating the action again !

For various reasons I have this Year had to say "Goodbye" to a few people. In fact I doubt they will be the last ones I have to let go. So I have decided to be strong. I am going to wipe them from my phone, block them on Facebook and stop myself from looking back. Some people will remain in my life as friends. Others have become a noose around my neck. All those empty promises they made must be forgotten about. Stored in a box somewhere to allow me to move on. There have been times I wish I could name and shame a few people and shout from the roof tops "Oi you Mr (insert name). You are an arse. You hurt my feelings badly. Repeatedly. I was stupid to give you another chance. Now do one" But as much as I really want to, it doesn't achieve anything.

I have realised in writing this blog for the last few years it has helped me deal with things. These experiences become a story, not always with a happy ending mind you. But it makes it easier to deal with emotionally. Its not that I don' t take all this hurt seriously. I don't play with peoples emotions intentionally to write a story. It is just that it makes it easier to look back and end the chapter. Helps me leave the baggage at the last station rather than carry it with me to my next destination.