The frequency of texting a new "mate/date" is always a difficult thing to judge. Do you go full throttle and text constantly or play it cool and text once or twice a day? I'm so impatient and a self confessed textaholic (my friend used to use my texting frequency to sell bolt on packages at the mobile shop she worked at!) that I have to restrain myself from texting too much to anyone. The last couple of days have shown me both sides of the argument. My dear male friend passed a comment that sometimes you find yourself coming across as needy in a game of table tennis texting. We have all done it- you get uber excited about a new potential lurve interest and start texting backwards and forwards without pausing for breath or thinking about the potential risk of RSI of the finger digits (I swear in years to come there will be a medical term called Text thumb from the over use of texting!). You spend every waking moment thinking of something Witty to say or a bizarre strange question to ask, then when you do eventually meet you have run out of steam! You find yourself staring at your phone waiting for it to flash with a new message. The problem with this method is also the fact that once you have met and if your lucky you start dating, the frequency of the texts will slow down naturally. That then starts a small paranoia moment of you thinking they have lost interest as they don't respond within 30 seconds. Woe betide any man who doesn't take his phone to the bathroom with him and not return a text straight away!
But then only texting once a day is the opposite end of the scale. If you find the only conversation is "Hi how are you?" and "I'm fine how are you?" then take my advise don't waste another text on that person! Also if you find its always you initiating the texts then again that tends to mean they aren't thinking of you as much as they should be. Don't get me wrong, we all lead busy lives but it only takes a few minutes to send a text, if that. So there is no excuse for not sending a text to someone who has taken the time to text you and shown an interest in you.
For instance if you meet up with someone and the date isn't a disaster, I believe its good manners to send a text afterwards to say "was really nice to meet you...." followed by either "be nice to see you again" or "I'm sorry but I can only see this being a friendship" . To not bother at all is just bad manners. But then why waste anymore time on someone who wont even be civil!
Funnily enough I just found something I wrote about a year ago on the same issue:
" I took the executive decision this morning to delete all the names from my mobile of the guys who haven't put enough effort into keeping in touch with me- the ones who showed potential but didn't follow through. I was proud of myself for being strong and having a sense of pride in not wasting anymore time on said men. So what happens tonight-one of them decides to send me a text! This was obviously in response to a text I had sent over 48 hours ago! Balls! Now do I bother to text back - and if so how do I work out which man it is? Or do I stick to my guns and ignore it. Bear in mind they obviously weren't interested enough to text me back within the day of me sending the text!
Decision made- sod it! The anonymous man just isn't worthy of my attention. You see we girls still like to have men chase us rather than the other way round. I know in this day and age of modern equality it shouldn't be like that. But lets face it, every girl deep down wants to see a man take charge. It stems back to reading too many fairy tales as children, we still want to be rescued from the clutches of lonely singledom by our knight in shining armour on his white charger."
So what is the answer? Buggered if I know! I now text when it seems right too, and if I start to get the feeling I'm only getting sporadic responses or a few texts not actually asking about me then I stop wasting my time. Sometimes you have to just give up and not take it personally. Its hard but at the end of the day do you really want to waste any more time on someone who just isn't into you?
Bon I must be right off the mark.. I was thinking once or twice a day was boiling the bunny to a new partner! Whatever happened to the anticipation of waiting a couple of days to meet up x x x
ReplyDeleteI agree its nice the anticipation building- maybe I,ve got it wrong ! I know too much is off putting- once, twice or three times a day is probably about right. But no response to a direct question after 2 days- thats too long!
ReplyDeleteI think there are varying ideas of what texting level constitutes interest in a potential relationship after a date, but you can tell, (if you're truly honest with yourself) whether the other persons interested (depending on their text frequency) or on the other hand, i think we know if we're possibly in love with the idea of love by texting someone irregularly because our heart is simply not in it. Being a true gent, i do possess the testicles to text in a genuine manner and not out of a romantic ideal.:) JS
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