The difference between Women & Men

As time goes on and we all grow older (some of us less gracefully than others) it has struck me how men and women change  their  dating behavior. I'm not being mean but its always been an unwritten rule that women think and men just do. But the tide is changing. Women have become more empowered as the years have gone on. The times are long gone where a woman with stay in an unhappy relationship because they were worried they couldn't survive- physically, mentally and financially. But now we are starting to realise we can change a light bulb and fend for ourselves and are finding the power to take back control of the Television remote !

So what does this mean in the world of dating? Well it seems to mean that women are more determined to get what they want and from who they want when they want it. All power to the female revolution ! Go girls ! Go out there and grab life by the balls so to speak. Don't get walked over by men and bow down to their every command. If you don't want to watch football on a Sunday as there is a film on or you want to go out for a romantic woodland walk- tell him. If you don't like the way he picks his nose- tell him. We have the confidence to know that if he wants to be with us he will be, and if he doesn't like what we say he's not worthy of your attention or love. That doesn't mean to say I'm suggesting we pick faults all the time, none of us are perfect we all have flaws in our nature and behaviour. 

As for the male species- how are they evolving? Well it seems they have discovered a new function and part of their anatomy- the under used brain ! Men seem to have developed the power of thought ! They can think for themselves now and are spending far too much time thinking ahead and analyzing their feelings. 

Whoa !!! Hold up there ! Men are not supposed to think with their brains- they tend to lead with their lower body region! Women for years have wired their actions into this belief. If a woman wanted a man to do anything- they used their bodies power of persuasion to get what they want. Now it appears we have to start acting differently. Women can spend ages analysing a single text message- 'what does this mean,what are they trying to say' and now we have to try and think two steps ahead of a man (lets face it we are always one step ahead anyway!). The most common sentence I have started to hear is "I've been thinking" and from the mouth of a man that's a pretty scary concept!

So whats my advise? Well I plan to try and out wit these thinkers, and use my woman's intuition to be ahead of the game, to see the sentence before its even formed in their brains. To engage their thought process along another avenue to stop them thinking. To walk away if the pauses between sentences become too long. 

And my advise for men out there:

Stop thinking- just do !

   

School boy error

I've mentioned the pit falls of photos on profiles before. Unfortunately as its the first part of your on line dating profile anyone takes notice of (closely followed by where you live, age and job title !) you have to make sure you sell yourself well.
My current profile photo is a bit risque, not rude but just attention grabbing. So far it hasn't changed the amount or type of attention I get in a negative way so that's all good. If you got it flaunt it is always a good motto to have !
So as a seasoned pro dater I stumbled across a school boy error made by someone on their profile photos.
I happened to see he had viewed my profile so I returned the favour:

Local lad- tick
Easy on the eye - tick
Age range-tick 
Drives -tick









So what did he do wrong I hear you ask. Well a couple of his photos he had snatched off of his Facebook page, and off someone else's page. How do I know this? Well because at the bottom of the photo was the name of the page owner. His name and in the other one a girls name.
So as a good detective I searched him out on Facebook. On his semi public profile this photo shows up. Nothing wrong with that. On the ladies profile is the other photo in one of her albums. So wheres the problem?
Well for a guy who claims to be single his Cover picture on Facebook is of him and this lady cuddled together ! From a quick scope of his page it appears she lives/works away in another part of the country and he's travelling back and forth to see her .

So Dr Watson we can deduce that whilst the cats away the mouse will play !
When I mentioned this to someone today he said "Yeah well I did something similar when I was in my early twenties " That's the point- in your early twenties we all do things along these lines. But in your late thirties early forties (I hate to admit I am now in that category !) surely we have found our morals and shouldn't be hurting people.

Who am I to judge? As to be fair I suppose I was snooping onto his private facebook page. So long as he doesn't contact me its no skin off my nose . Just feel sorry for the females involved.

How long have you been on the shelf ?

The other day in conversation someone bought up the fact that four years on from the break up of their marriage they couldn't believe they weren't settled down again .
"Try 14 Years " I replied with, semi jokingly.

Until I sat back and thought about it.
Seriously my marriage broke up 14 Years ago. In the last 14 Years what on earth has happened to me in affairs of the heart? Actually that should read what on earth hasn't happened to me !?
I've been there done that on most things (do not read that statement as an admission to being a loose woman so to speak !) I have found myself dating, living with partners,being cheated on,dating, breaking up, dating, lied to, dating again, etc etc. And still I'm not in a long term committed relationship.
Jesus have I got slightly depressed with that thought ! (Thank you to the person who mentioned it- I will punch you next time I see you!)

I had never really looked back on my life that way. I have always been in every situation and relationship and hoped that "this is my fairy tale ending" (finally). But for whatever reason it is yet to happen.
Maybe I am on that road to that ending, maybe this blog is the path I have to travel . The bonus of writing is I can look back and laugh or weep as the case may be, as to how I have come so far. How I have evolved, discovered myself and what I want in life.
And yes after 14 years I do want to settle down. I haven't given up hope of that happy ending. I want to be with someone who loves me But I don't want a boring life. I want to wake up and go on mini adventures, days out, sit and laugh with my other half, and grow old disgracefully. Most of all I want someone who is next to me every step of the journey. Some one who in the words of Katie Perry "I will love unconditionally." Some one whose soul matches mine and whose eyes I can stare into and feel loved and wanted.
Not much for a kookie little girl like me to ask for surely ?

Well that serves me right !

There was I gushing about how great my life was, how I had met a great man and things were looking up !

Well guess what ?! I'm single again !

What happened ? To be honest I'm not entirely sure and i wont go in to massive detail about it as I have promised to stay friends. Lets just say it didn't work out, his decision not mine.

So here I am, in the week before my 40th birthday, and I'm single again !

But like all good Tiggers I will come back bouncing higher than before. Besides this is my 40th birthday year, gives me a valid excuse to behave like an idiot all year !

So here we go again on the dating carousel. Where it stops nobody knows. I am sure along the way I will meet some amazing ,mad, nutty , stupid, single minded idiots, but thats part of the fun !





Oh look, it didn't take long- already had one ask to take me down the marshes !

Gotta love online dating !

Absent for a good reason

First let me say a massive-

for being absent for soo long.  As you may have guessed I've met a good man and he is taking up most of my spare time. Due to previous "speaking too soon" moments, I decided not to write about anything for a while, just so  I was sure I wouldn't end up with egg on my face again.

But this time it looks like I may have struck a good one. After years of Fishing, I have found a good one I don't want to put back into the pond. We have spent the last 6 months getting to know one another and each others families etc. He has even put up with some horrendous behaviour from my once adorable teenage daughter who has become the teenager from hell in recent months. In the words of my mother -" shes only giving you the same abuse you gave me ". I have to disagree on this. I may have been a bit of a cow, but never to this level! One day I will write it all down and hopefully she will look back and think- "Oh my poor mum, what did I put her through."

I promise I will write some more about previous exploits (as I know it doesn't offend my man, he finds it all interesting and has the opinion that the past is the past.) I have discovered I have matured and I am no longer the worrying woman as I don't get jealous of him meeting up for coffee with other female friends. He alike doesn't mind me chatting to my male mates. We both trust each other and know we would be stupid to do anything to jeopardize what we have found with each other. He can also be thanked for calming me down and helping me realise that age old saying "Its not life threatening so don't panic"

I've made some new female friends too, from the most bizarre of situations. One was married to one of my previous dates (see ghosts from the past blog) and the other is my new boyfriends ex. I think it just goes to show sister hood is stronger than any male believes.  

Oh and that most women can see straight through a lying male !

Serious side to Bonnie.

Its been a while since my last blog. That's not to say life hasn't been interesting believe me ! But sometimes even this blogger wants to keep things private and not tell the world every detail of her life. But who knows maybe some time in the future I will share all with the world! I have to be careful as my parents read this !

"Will you ever come off the naughty step Bonnie ?"

Blogging about my dating life has certainly raised a smile on some peoples faces, and has helped me understand more about me, men and relationships. Its been fun looking back at some of the incidences and I am always conscious not to tarnish every man with the same brush. Because as you speak to more guys you realise some women out there are just as bad!

But then this blog can cause a few raised eyebrows. I don't tend to tell every guy I speak to that I write about my dating life. Some guys get scared off, but to be fair no one gets named (no law suits here!) and they only need to worry about being named and shamed so to speak if they do anything seriously out of line, or ridiculous! Although sometimes it worries me that ex boyfriends from my distant past will read this blog, recognise themselves and not be too happy about it being read by strangers ! Oh well ho hum - a woman scorned and all that!

But it is nice when I meet a new "match" to be able to come clean and let him appreciate my ramblings. Its great meeting someone with an open mind and who accepts that we all have a past, checkered or murky or squeaky vanilla clean.

 That's what makes us who we are now. We have all been molded, influenced and affected by even the smallest of details from life in general not just relationships. From parents to friends, we take on board everybody's actions and reactions to whats acceptable behaviour and what is not. I find myself ever aware now that as my daughter is approaching the age of 16 that life begins to change and pressures from peers can influence every decision she makes, good or bad. I hope that she feels able to talk to me about any issue or queries she has. I have always been open and honest with her and try not to preach too much on what is right and wrong in relationships. She has to find her own way and make her own mistakes to learn from. My own mothers statement of "shes only doing what you did at that age" will no doubt come back to haunt me !  I'm sure at some stage I will be repeating another one of my mums legendary comments to my own daughter "I'd rather know where you are then discover you been with a boy in a bush somewhere"
And yes I could have died with embarrassment when she said it !






Blimey that was deep for me ! So I shall leave you with a small tale I heard from a friend to lighten the mood and make you all smile:

A friend I know had a discussion with a boy she knew. He had met a new girl and things were rather serious. He mentioned she was a vegetarian and he was a bit put out by this. When asked why he replied "well she wont give me a blow job as she says no meat will ever pass into her mouth"

Another episode of "how not to chat to a woman on line!"

I swear I am not making this up. Yet again the male population has succeeded in being classed as having a one track mind thanks to this specimen!
This is how the short conversation went: I'm in red, he is green.

Hi how are you?

yea your sexy

thank you

hav u got sexy feet hun x

I hate my feet ! Is that your fetish?!

i like them do u paint them hun x

I paint my toe nails not my feet !

yea what colour hun x

strange boy!

well what colour hun x

so the first thing you ask me is do I have sexy feet? then you want to know what colour I paint my toe nails?! Well I change colours every week or so.

really do they look sexy

yes

mmmm i love to see them lol x

Well I'm afraid you wont! I'd rather someone meet me for me not my toes!

lol i would its just i like to taste them x

omg .your not kidding though are you?

yea lol

do u like foot massage

didn't you read, I don't like my feet

my computer aint working rite

i cant see pphoto

well I cant help you there

tell me what u look like hun x

you can see the photos

its playing up

well you will have to wait until it works again

can we talk explicitly

can i ask u things without u getting hump i mean

what are you planning on asking? I'm not talking dirty to you, or showing you photos of my toes or any other part of me

ok hav u got sex toys hun x

READ WHAT I WROTE!!!!!!

oh ok sorry x

i will not talk dirty to you

what size feet are u

why?

so i get a picture iof your toes

At this point I did honestly think he was going to say "I've got some shoes I want you to wear for me "

Creepy !

Okay maybe I should have just stopped responding after the question about my feet but I was interested to know how stupid this man child was going to be! Apart from the spelling errors did he really think a grown woman was going to appreciate having questions directed at her feet ?! And then to ignore the sentence " I'm not talking dirty to you" and to carry on is just plan idiotic ! 

The thing is I get drawn into the conversation and do my best to turn it round on them to make them look stupid, or to just return fire with similar sex object stereotypical questions for the fun of it. But its a waste of my time, as these guys pea sized brains are clearly in their tiny tidy whities !