4 Dates 4 Guys

I normally have a simple approach to dating. Chat on line for a few days, week, trade phone numbers, text and then arrange a date.

Usually I do this one victim, sorry man, at a time. I do tend to chat to a few at once, but then when I meet one I like I then politely tell the other guys that I have met someone and think its only fair to just talk to them. The way I see it is that if they were that lucky guy they would be pleased to know he has my complete attention.
I decided a short while ago that maybe I was being too selective in this process and loosing out on the other interested parties. So I bravely decided to juggle 4 dates with 4 guys in 4 days.

Sounds easy- well not when you factor in the following:
1.Bonnie has a Goldfish brain-which could make for a few wrong names called, or details assigned to the wrong guy!
2. Two dates on one day.
3. Outfit changes and locations.

So first date, lets call him Mr A. We arrange to meet at a mutual convenient pub for a few drinks. I had already said I didn't want to eat as I always find this a nerve racking experience in front of a stranger. Plus if said stranger isn't what you expect you have to sit opposite them for longer than necessary  But at the last minute he asked if we could eat, and he offered to pay (with the added comment "Your turn to pay next time" which lost him a few brownie points).  The evening as a whole went smoothly, he turned up on time, dressed appropriately, was not rude, or too over bearing, but I left thinking there was something lacking between us. Maybe it was my fault, I don't always take a shine to men who are follically challenged- reminds me too much of my ex husband. I left myself to mull it over for a day or so.

Date 2- lets call him Mr B. Saturday evening drinks in a local pub. Date arranged and luckily he arrived early and realised the pub he meant wasn't the one he had said! So he informed me of his error and then waited for me at the bar. I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw and our evening went very well. We seemed to click and had a fair few things in common.Mr B was attentive, and I went home with the memory of a very enjoyable evening in my head.Considering it was his first date in a long time I thought he coped very well.

Date 3- Mr C. This date was organised for a Sunday lunchtime. Mr C lived nearer to me than Mr A or the future Mr D (who I was to meet later that evening). I arrived at the pub, spotted his work van and waited for him to get out. He produced a bunch of flowers for me (bonus points) but alas it seemed apparent that his photo on his profile was probably from about 5 or more Years previous, when he was a few stone lighter. Now I'm not one to judge on weight, so I continued to try and enjoy his company, but I found him very difficult to talk to and just couldn't connect with him. So after a couple of drinks we parted company. Unfortunately he was under the impression I liked him more than I did and I had to let him down about the possibility of meeting up again.

Date 4- Mr D. A Sunday evening drink in yet another pub. (Thank god I know a few pubs !). Arrived early and the pub car park was empty.Not a good sign. He arrived and unfolded himself from his car (tall tall for me !) and we went into the Pub. At the bar we were informed the pub closes at 9pm (It was 7.30) and to be honest I was releaved. We struggled to make conversation for an hour and nursed one drink. We then said our goodbyes and parted company.

So all the stresses of texting 4 Guys at the same time boiled down to just one good potential second date ! But it made for a fun few days of finding new locations for drinks and outfits to wear. If I had done those dates the normal way of one at a time I would have wasted a month meeting each one. So I suppose multi first dating has its bonuses !

Now where is my Mr B for our second date !

A one way meeting

A short story.......
So I had been communicating with a gentleman for a few days when I mentioned I was going to see a local band. He said he had seen them before and had noticed they were playing and thought he might go along too with his mates. So it seemed like a good opportunity to say Hi without it actually being a first date. Perfect. Easy. Simple. As he admitted he was quite shy I thought this random hello meeting would be a good way to break the ice.
So the night arrived, and I made a good effort to like good. Once inside the bar I became a bit nervous and made sure I had my back to the door so I wasn't watching EVERY man who walked in. It was tough though and I started to think it was a bad idea! I had seen a couple of pictures of him but in each one he looked completely different. So every guy who walked past was potentially him! I had arrived major early to have a gossip with my friends and so text him to find out what time he was planning on being there. He said around 10, so I settled into enjoying the band and a good night out.

Finally around 10.45 I received a text from him saying "Wow very sexy,nice legs". See, I had been thoughtful and sent him a picture of what I was wearing so he could spot me. I smiled and tried not to look around too much and just replied with "Thank you. So where are you?" His response "Not far from you. I'm shy and you are way out of my league"
On principle I was determined not to turn round and look too hard for him. I was slightly miffed that he didn't have the balls so to speak to stick his neck out and just say Hi. I was even more put out by the fact that from that moment on I knew he was watching me and I didn't know where he was. It was a bit off putting! I text him as we were about to leave and said "I'm off now and I cant believe you didn't say Hi." I must have walked passed him on my way out but I stuck to my guns and didn't look for him.

Talk about a wasted opportunity! It was like a one sided date! He could see me but I was blind to him ! Believe me I wont be suggesting that idea again!

A grown up goodbye

Sometimes things happen for a reason. And other times things don't happen for a reason. Its sad when all your initial hopes and dreams fall down around you, but its better to be honest with each other, wish each other well and move along.
The important thing when this happens is how you deal with it. Act like a grown up, no matter how much it upsets you, or winds you up or makes you feel depressed and a failure or rejected. There is nothing worse than a bad parting, no matter how short or long the length of time you have known each other. No one plans to let someone down, or dash their dreams. In short its just life and another twist in the road.
Two people who continue blindly with a relationship, even in its early stages, just to try and prove a point, or just because they don't want to be alone are just lying to each other and themselves. Eventually it will fall apart, and further down the line is always more emotional. Why lie about your beliefs or feelings ? It always comes out in the end. Be truthful to yourself and treat others as you wish to be treated.

Don't reduce yourself to trading insults or accusing others of leading you on. Be graceful in defeat and just reflect on it as a short detour to your final destination.
I have met a lot of nice guys over the last few years, but for whatever reason we have not continued onto a lasting romance. Each one is a new chapter in my life story, a short paragraph or a whole section. No one knows where we will end up as we all walk this life not knowing what or who is around the corner.

So here's a big thanks to all the nice guys I have met, and wish them well in their lives. They have all influenced me in some way or another and helped me find my true path.

Lessons about myself.

Its been about 2 Years since I started online dating (this time around!) and looking back I can say I have learnt plenty about mankind and myself. I've never claimed to be perfect, or whiter than white, I'm just your average girl looking for her Mr Right. I chose to meet people via the internet as my lifestyle and friend network means its probably the only way I can meet potential mates. Its not as if I'm in my twenties and can go out trawling the clubs and bars anymore. Well if I did I would look like Mrs Robinson searching for her graduate!
I have tried various sites, and even paid for one subscription, against my better judgement. I am of the belief that why should I line someones pockets with money because my sad specimen of a love life needs help. So I flatly refuse to pay another penny to a dating site. Besides, most of the so called matches I saw on my profile were either miles and miles away or I had previously spotted their pictures on the other free sites.

So what have I learnt about myself. Well I'm a bit of a dreamer- I still believe my prince will come and rescue me from my solitude. I am impatient- I want him to be here now, and when he does turn up I want it all to happen straight away! I get carried away with my dreams and just want to get to the happy ever after rather than living the long fairy tale with all the twists and turns. But I am also a realist- I realise I am not perfect, and I do not expect my prince to be so either. We all have our faults, our quirks (I probably have a fair few), and its all about accepting the minor dents in someone if the bigger picture is worth it.  I'm too forgiving- I always give people probably more chances than they should have. I treat every new person to enter my life as a clean slate and trust them from the start. Maybe I'm too trusting and should be a bit more careful with whom I let into my inner circle. I think too much, I read far too much into texts or conversations. I think this is just something all women do, and I have now got this under control. You can send yourself crazy wondering what someone is implying, in the end you just have to ask or forget about reading into things. I am happy in my own company, I don't need to be with someone 24/7, I enjoy my peace and quiet. I find peace tending to my small garden and reading. It may make me sound old but its a dam sight more enjoyable than watching the tele every night.
I am more at one with my intuition, my inner me. I listen more to those nagging feelings that before I would have ignored. I normally know when something is off kilter before I get told. I can be moody sometimes, but that is a woman's born right! We are allowed to be! Although it does take a lot to wind me up or annoy and upset me, so I am quite placid. But as anyone who knows me will tell you I do fire up when I'm pushed. I can be quite passionate about my beliefs and defending my honour.
Above all I have come to realise that I am me, and there is nothing wrong with me. If something doesn't work out the way I would like, it isn't because I am a bad person, or impossible to get along with. Its just that it wasn't meant to be. The friendship has run its course and fate or destiny have something bigger in mind for me. I try not to get down over lost chances, and always look for the next door to open. Looking back is something we all do. I look back at my past and places I have been, and remember them for opportunities to visit places rather than look back and remember the person I went there with.

I believe in me. And that's the only way I can keep my heart from breaking every time a relationship crashes and burns. If you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you ? I refuse to turn into a man hater with a stone cold black heart. My heart will always be open, as you never know who is waiting around the corner for your smile.

Children- present and potential.

Its funny how when looking through peoples online profiles that even at the tail end of my 30's there is a wide spectrum on the offspring front. By that I mean some guys hitting there 40's don't have any children (well none they admit to or know about) whilst others have 1 or 2 or a few more. Like it or not the subject of Children is always going to come up. If you are a parent you know how important they are in your life, and thus how big a deal it is to any potential relationship.
For starters its trying to juggle being with your kids and having a dating life or free time. We all feel bad going out and leaving them with a babysitter or home alone if they are old enough. But we realise we need to meet our potential mate without the influence or distraction of the mini you around. You can't get to know someone if either of you are distracted by the kids. A friend of mine had a first date with a guy who bought along his two children, both preschool age, and she had to duck the toys that were being hurled at her!

Secondly if one of you doesn't have kids it is somewhat difficult to explain why you cant just drop everything and go away on a romantic weekend break at the last minute. If you are anything like me I would love to be whisked away. But it takes planning- days or weeks of begging a grandparent (or ex) to have the kids for you, making sure the children don't see it as some sort of abandonment of them for your potential new love interest (believe me I've had that accusation thrown at me a few times- and not just by my daughter!) and getting over your own guilty feelings of putting yourself first for once.
Now factor in the potential of you both having children from previous relationships. This adds in another hurdle for date availability. As a rule most fathers have their kids weekends, or every other, most mothers have the kids during the week. So someone has to be the one to leave the kids at home. I have always tried to have date nights on my free nights as I hate leaving my daughter as she is growing up way way too fast (I heard the phrase love bite mentioned in conversation with a group of her mates- now I'm getting scared!) But when free time is limited sometimes you have to grab any chance you have. Otherwise my life becomes an endless cycle of up before 6am, walk dog, go to work, come home, cook,clean, help with homework, food shop, walk dog, catch an hour of t.v. or read then bed. And repeat . All work and no play definitely makes Bonnie a dull girl !!
But when do you introduce the kids and the match (or not match usually in my case)? Well the last imposter (I will call him that because he was no real man, just a spineless jerk who played the game and told me what I would want to hear) suggested an early meet as he was of the belief that if him and said teenager didn't get on then it would be a stumbling block in the potential relationship. I can see that as a valid option, as I have been in that position many years ago. When children are younger they do become possessive and see a new adult in their parents life as a threat to the love their parent has to give. That's when you have issues to deal with which can make or break even the strongest relationship. Luckily as my daughter has got older all she cares about is if her mother is available to ferry her around for her social life, which is way better than mine was as a teenager and better than mine is even now! I'm more of the thinking that you need to get to know each other first before you introduce the two sections of your life. You have to feel sure they wont run at the first temper tantrum thrown by either you or your child, and that all concerned can get on well.

At some point the question will be asked about future children. Do you both want more or is that just one sided. This part of the children issue is always where I pre-judge if I should even talk to a new mate. I would in my heart love another child, but I always said I wouldn't until I had my daughter more often (I have a split custody with her father). But as the years went on and I had my daughter more, I was never with the right guy (or even a guy) to even contemplate bringing another child into the world. Now unfortunately I have to deal with the fact its pretty much an impossibility for me to become a mother again. I have spent a number of years coming to terms with this fact, that unless I spend a whole heap of money, and time and heartbreak, I am not able to have any more children. But the hardest part is telling a suitor of this fact. When do you bring that up in the conversation? Too soon is too heavy, too far in is too late. Its a make or break question- "do you want more or any children?"  Because of this I have tended to avoid dating guys who do not already have kids. I don't want to tell them that if they stick with me they are unlikely to be a dad. Due to this I have narrowed down my potential matches. Maybe I'm cutting out a few love interests. I should really be brave and ask these guys before I meet them if children are a major factor in their future. So from now on I won't dismiss these guys, I will ask a few questions and see if they are man enough to take on a woman who has everything to give them except an heir to their kingdom.

Reasons

The saying goes

"Some People come into your life for a reason."

I have recently noticed I can work out how and why I have entered other peoples lives, but I'm buggered if I can see why so many idiots, sorry, men have come into my life and what lessons I need to learn from them.
On more than one occasion, I have helped a young man find himself again, or get over a bad break up, or made them smile, or shown them what life is all about. But what exactly have these guys given me in return apart from heartache and a bewildering view on the male race!
The new let down statement seems to be "Bonnie you are too good for me. You deserve better"
Now surely that's my decision to make? If I deem you not worthy then so be it. But that's not your decision to make, and it certainly seems a bigger cop out to the old faithful "Its not you, its me".
Dam right its not me! I am loving and giving, funny but slightly mad, and a joy to be around- most of the time.
I keep having to tell myself it isn't anything I have done that sends these guys off back to their ex wives/girlfriends. Its just that they don't have a big enough pair of balls to move on with their lives and do something different. Jump into the unknown future, enjoy life with someone new. No, these boys (they aren't men) would prefer a comfy pair of slippers, the woman who they moan about or are bored with etc rather than a new exciting challenge. They would rather an easy life with someone who they can walk over, as these women are desperate to have them back as opposed to be lonely.

I do deserve better. I deserve a man who will stand up to me when I'm being ratty, and for me when I need defending. I need a man who will go that extra mile and not sit back and expect life to fall in his lap along with his dinner. What I need is an equal.
While I'm searching for him I will make sure I don't get fooled again. I wont put up barriers, that's not me, I wear my heart on my sleeve as you never know my match may be round the next corner. After two years of dating I am happy with my own company, I'm not desperate for just any Tom Dick or Harry. Believe me I seem to have found a fair few Dicks in my time recently! But I will be ready for my match, when he appears, and we will walk off into the sunset together, slowly but surely.

Age is a problem

I hadnt planned on writing this as my next blog but a moment ago a guy just gave me all the proof I needed.

As much as most people love the idea of a toy boy the reality falls far too short. I get a fair amount of interest from young men in their twenties. Which yes can give the ego a bit of a boost. But the majority of these "men children" have no idea how to talk to a real woman. They think by talking dirty and telling you how much of a sex maniac they are it guarantees them a date. Okay there are a few women out there who are frustrated and would happily take these boys to bed. But my profile clearly states Im not interested in eating them alive ! The best way to show you an example of what I have to put up with is below. This is the actual transcript of what this 25 year old sent- from his initial contact :

Bigbeads87 says:

Hello xx

Your not 38 xx

bon

Hiya Im good hows you?

I am 38 I promise!

Bigbeads87 says:

Wow u look great I thought u was 28 tops. How r u anyway? X

bon

Im a tad bit older than you!lol! Im ok thanks. Home from work so thats always a bonus

Bigbeads87 says:

Monday over and done with lol. Age just a number. U been single long? Xx

bon

2 years! seems far too long to me

Bigbeads87 says:

snap. So met anyone of here before? X

bon

met one guy, from this site anyway. I usually use another one, but getting bored with that one.

How about you?

Bigbeads87 says:

What the other one? I only been on here a,few days.... Xx

bonbno74 says:

Yes the other Site.

is 25 young for u.....  x

bon:

maybe a tad too young, when I have a daughter who is 14!

Bigbeads87 says:

can we forget the ages..... X

bon:

we can for now. but it may come back to haunt you!

Bigbeads87 says:

What u mean? ....  x

bon:

well we can chat but somewher down the line I think it will play a part

Bigbeads87 says:

Well depends if u like to f**ked hard and deep  x

bon says:

and with that you just ruined any chance of getting the best f**k of your life so to speak!

Bigbeads87 says:

Really u didn't seemed to keen lol. What do u do for work? X

bon says:

look Im not looking for a f@@k buddy and feel pretty dam insulted that within 3 messages thats what you came out with. YOU just showed yourself up to be a young imature boy. Now I suggest you go find someone on your level, or learn how to speak to ladies properly

Bigbeads87 says:

Cheer up

Xx

bon:

Hun Im more than smiley.

Bigbeads87 says:

Good . Im bad 

bon:

believe me Im the queen at being bad- but I dont expect to be treated like a walking vagina

Bigbeads87 says:

Cool. So what do u hate doing? Xx

bon

Im sorry but I dont see the point of carrying this conversation on anymore

Bigbeads87 says:

well do u want to meet up? X

bon

with a man not a boy sorry

He just didn't get the hint did he?! After that he still carried on and gave me his number, told me his real name and told me to contact him if I wanted a good seeing to or any electrical work done!

Give me strength!