Birthday mutterings & the last Year in my Thirties

So Yesterday was my 39th Birthday. As I am a January baby I am quite used to the fact that because my birthday falls just before Pay day most people are pretty poor after the festive season. I don't ask for much from my friends, in fact I don't ask for anything. Except their company in celebrating my birthday. Unfortunately as we get older it becomes harder to drag them out for a drink, meal natter - anything!
This year was no exception. I sent a message out suggesting maybe a gathering around mine. The response wasn't great to be honest - usual reasons- lack of money, other plans, no babysitter. I wasn't best pleased!
 I found myself the week before my Birthday getting very emotional and down at the lack of a support network. I know we all have busy lives and other loved ones but I felt very very alone.I found myself in some sort of Bridget Jones moment when thinking about my birthday, singing in my head "All by myself " (Eric Carmen)

Now let me point out, after nearly 3 years being single I am quite used to not being in a relationship on special occasions - birthdays, weddings, Christmas etc. This Year it really didn't bother me that I was a singleton. I was not upset about not having breakfast in bed, or being whisked away for a lovely  romantic  meal,evening or weekend. Don't get me wrong I would love that, and believe me I will milk it when it happens!  I was more upset that I faced spending the evening on my own, without the company of my friends. What made it worse was this Year the day fell on a Saturday- perfect for a few drinks!

Luckily my lovely Daughter came to my rescue and she and my mother spent the evening with me having a Roast dinner (I know, on a Saturday what a rebel!) and watching Gremlins on DVD. 

So now begins the last year of my thirties. I suppose the last year I can possibly get away with not acting grown up! This Year is twelve months of changes for the better. I have already embarked on a Yoga obsession, Pilates is my next activity to take up. I feel now I'm older I can't jump around gracefully doing Zumba, Aerobics anymore. I need something more calming and something with less chance of broken bones or pulled muscles! The calorie counting is also heading the right way. By the summer I plan to be nearer the weight I should be ! That wet suit will look a dam sight better on me this Year when I'm body boarding than the last few years beached whale appearances!

I plan to celebrate my birthday next weekend now. An old flame is visiting the area and after 8 Years its about time we met up again. So we will be raising a glass or two (and probably merry hell!) as a belated birthday toast. 

Next time any of my friends asks why I am still single I may well have to remind them that because they never want to come out socialising with me, how am I supposed to meet a man! I know its an equality world out there but I'm not brave enough to hit the town on my own in the search for a man!

Going Dutch

In the words of the dating dictionary and in my eyes the meaning of "going dutch" on a date is:

In dating, when both parties pay for their own bills, thus effectively dispelling the double-standard where men are always expected to pay.

"If you meet an intelligent, attractive and friendly woman who likes going dutch then you should hang on to her for dear life."

Years of dating experience has lead me to always offer my fair share of the rounds of drinks, or to offer to pay towards the meal. One friend of mine and my dad argue I shouldn't do this. I'm a female and if a male of the species has asked me out then I shouldn't even offer to by a round of drinks or anything. Now as much as I wish this was the norm, its not generally like that. I meet loads of Guys who complain about "money grabbing women" who just expect everything to be paid for and want to be treated like a princess.

I'm not looking to be treated like a fairy tale creature. I am willing and want to pay my way. But in some situations I expect the man to pay. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I expected too much. Read the below situation I found myself in and let me know what your opinions are.

A new match on line showed some interest in my profile. We exchanged messages and then progressed to texts. As it was the Christmas/ New Year Season I didn't expect to meet him straight away as everyone is busy that time of Year. So after a few days he said he would like to meet up but was it okay to wait a few weeks as Christmas had been expensive and he wanted to wait till he got paid so he could take me out for something to eat. I agreed, as I understand some times funds do get tight. (funnily enough I had two guys around the same time who mentioned lack of funds- but the other one is another story ! I'm still yet to meet him!)

In the meantime I suggested we could meet for a quick coffee date one lunchtime. That way if we don't like each other its only the cost of a lunchtime drink that has been spent. He agreed this was a good idea and we met that following weekend. All went well and we ploughed on with our meal date for the following week after his payday. 

So the date night arrives. Due to the predicted snowy weather we met earlier than planned to make sure we weren't both out driving late at night. I had picked a nice restaurant, mid ground between us and not expensive. All was going well, although I did feel like I was being rushed by him to eat my food so we could both go home. Within an hour the food had been eaten , and one drink drunk each. So he then asks for the bill. This was placed on the table and he looked at me and said "well I wonder how much this will be?"  Then continued to look at me as if he was expecting me to say something. I waited, and he just looked at me as he opened the bill in the middle of the table between us. I started to feel awkward and said " so how do you want to do this ? Do you want to go halves ?" Now this is where he SHOULD have said "This is on me". But what he ACTUALLY said was " Yes that would be good" I was slightly annoyed so replied with the words "So you want to go Dutch?" and with a slightly disgruntled look on my face. His response "Yes" So I dug my purse out and he then said "Tell you what You pay a tenner I will cover the rest" The whole bill was £34 so he hadn't exactly had to fork out a fortune! Then he only wanted to leave 50 pence tip- I was embarrassed by this so added a few of my own pound coins towards the tip.

We left the restaurant, parted in the car park with a peck on the cheek and I was home before the time I was originally due to meet him!

So was I right to feel put out? He had asked me to wait to meet him so he could take me out for something to eat. Surely if a man invites you for dinner that should mean he doesn't expect you to pay? This is why I try to stick to coffee or drinks dates! It becomes far too expensive for me otherwise!  How would you have felt? Would you have expected him to pay? 

 

Positive mental attitude - with less of the mental!

So the New Year is upon us and I slowly head towards my last Year in my 30's.
Am I worried that I am Single?
Do I feel a victim of the dating world ?
Do I feel I should be acting like a grown up?

Simple answer -

Last Birthday I asked my eldest nephew that same question - Should Auntie Bonnie grow up? His answer -No! I should stay Silly! And I have to agree with him. Okay my life may not be run of the mill and I'm not in a steady long term relationship but does that matter? Hell no ! Only this morning an ex of mine made contact for the first time in nearly a Year and asked how life has been. After a short explanation he responded with "Nowts changed then!"  Thing is I don't care. I know somewhere out there is my lifes goal, my partner in crime. The path I am on may be winding but I don't let it get me down. My new found Yoga DVD is helping me get up and shrug off life's day to day dramas. I have always worn a smile on my face and maybe some people can not understand why. I am always true to myself and never lie (well occasionally a small white one during the working day !) . Whats the point?  Why waste all that energy on negativity. Okay the truth may hurt sometimes, but if someone doesn't like the truth they shouldn't ask for it.

So I hurtle along as always towards the weekend and a new first date. Simple one this time, a coffee lunchtime drink and if all goes well a dinner date next weekend. Keep it simple on a first date. That way no one gets stuck with a huge restaurant meal bill, or the cost of a new outfit to impress. Plus the less alcohol consumed the first date, the less your judgement or eyes deceive you. I'm sure we have all had the coyote ugly moment - as defined by the urban dictionary:

coyote ugly
	Waking up from a drunken stupor to find that your sexual partner of the previous night is not only ghastly, but is sleeping with his/her head resting on your arm. The only way to escape, without waking the beast, is to chew off your arm and flee.

That is something I wish to never repeat in my life time ( no mum and dad I'm not saying I have ever done it !  Your daughter is a good girl! )

Wish me luck !

New pictures

I like to keep my photos on my dating page up to date. Mainly because then no one can accuse me of looking vastly different from my pictures if we eventually meet up. Its a well known fact though that other people don't change their photos, or use old ones from 2-3 Years prior. Okay looks aren't everything but it is false advertising!
Some profiles include a picture of a group of people. If this is the only photo its very difficult to work out who is who. In today's world of camera phones, web cams and digital cameras its not hard to take a snap shot of yourself- alone- and not next to your ex ( "oh that my sister") . Its not as if you have to wait for the local chemist or snappy snaps to process your old camera film and then scan, copy and paste is it!

So today I updated my profile photo. The others are only a few weeks or months old, but yet again Ive changed my hair colour so I loaded up a new photo. As always this leads to an influx of new messages. Maybe its just that men look at the pretty pictures, think " oo look a newbie" and just dont bother checking out screen names, details etc. Because every time I get repeat messages from guys who have messaged me before and I have never replied to, or the communication just stopped.
Today is no different. Remember back in April , the story of being stood up on a dog walk ? (standing in the car park alone) Well the same guy sends me a message!

hi there how are u have u had a good christmas xx

Ok , so his screen name has changed, but he still has the same photo, he still lives in the same village and he still does the same job. Does he think Im stupid or has he clearly forgotten who I am ?! So I prompt his memory:


Yes thanks. How was yours?

not bad thanks so wheres near ******(village do you live ?) im in *********(village) xx

Why? So you can make me drive to B****l and stand me up again??!!

you what xx

Dont you remember? I live in S****. You are a courier. We arranged to meet to walk the dog, you didn't pick me up and then told me to drive to ****** cos you were waiting for me there. But you weren't !

are u sure xx

positive. So much so I even wrote a blog about you.

Dont think it was me.x

 Now either I have completely lost the plot or this guy really thinks he can just carry on winding me up! In the end I told him to cast his mind back to April & sent him the link to the blog I wrote. He claims his name is James. Whether he is James, Simon or Fred it doesn't matter to me. I would know that face anywhere! I honestly don't know why I bothered to even reply !

A Year in dating

Nearly a Year ago I started writing this blog about my dating life. Partly because I had so many stories I felt needed sharing to the world and writing a book was too daunting a task. But also as a means of me expressing my emotions and coming to terms with things. Its so easy to bottle feelings up that then overcome you. My wise father once told me to write things down. It may not solve the problem but it does help to release the emotion on to a piece of paper, or in this case the world wide web! Okay so some people can't understand my need to share my personal life to the World for all and sundry to read, but for me it works. In today's technology fueled world its the modern day equivalent to a diary!

This time of Year we tend to see lots of reviews about whats happened in the World over the last twelve months. Considering I haven't written about all my dates, the prospect of looking back is not done with a smile on my face! I consider myself to be quite a happy woman most days (excluding the hours I spend at work) but even I am struggling to raise a smile.
Okay, maybe I'm being  a bit hard on myself and all the Guys I have met. They haven't all been bad. The good ones know who they are as they are all reading this! Some how some of my past daters have evolved into a sort of support network around me. I find myself talking to them and asking their advise over the advise of friends. Maybe its because I feel they know me better than some friends, or maybe its because they are in the same boat. We all want to be happy with someone we love, who loves us back equally for all our faults. These great Guys know me and my faults.  They tell me when to man up, when to walk away, what to look out for, they pick me up when I am down and they laugh with me at my scrapes. And in turn I am there for them. Always ready to chat and lend an ear, like the equivalent of a long distance sharing of a bottle of wine  In my own way I love each one dearly. Otherwise I wouldn't still be in contact with them. It doesn't mean they are my fall back when I've been stood up, I do not look at them as my back up plan. They are decent guys who for whatever reason between us have just become good loyal friends. I honestly wish them luck in finding their life partners and wish them a full life of happiness.Although if they could set me up with my Mr Wonderful I will be eternally grateful!

So as I look back what can I say about 2012 ? Well there have been some winners and some losers. Some highs and some crashing lows. I don't regret anything I have done or written about. I have created some memories along the way, nice restaurants, days out, etc, and some of those memories will stay private to me till my dying day. In writing this blog some people think it gives them the right to mock me for my bad luck in love. I stand tall against those people who do not know the real me. Mock me all you like, to me it just means your own life is lacking in some adventure. Inside though I am probably hurting from your words so often said in jest, but that are actually very hurtful.

This time of Year is always hard for us Singletons. Christmas is all about family and loved ones. When that special person is missing from your life it can mean you feel very lonely. I find myself over emotional at the moment, and ready to burst in to tears at the slightest thing. Its like a bad case of Christmas PMT ! Some one need to rescue me with a years supply of chocolate, baileys and laughter before I let the wallowing in self pity take over. God help the next person who upsets me. Cover your ears for an almighty rant !

So now I just have to keep looking forward. Look over that Wintery horizon and make something happen in 2013. Its the last Year I will spend in my thirties so I need to compile a list of achievable goals. Places to see, things to do. I have tickets to a gig in February and I'm sure one of my guys will come with me if all else fails. A planned trip to see the Superbikes (motorbikes) with one is starting to be formed, so I already have some things to look forward to. I promise my blog will be with me all the way. 

Let the adventures begin !

Sundays

I have never really enjoyed Sundays since I split from my daughters dad. Don't get me wrong its a day off from work and it is the weekend. It isn't because I dread going back to work on the approaching Monday morning, its more that Sundays as a rule are family day , or in today's society family day /dad day.
Sunday is the day most people spend with their loved ones, their partners, kids, family. So when you are single Sundays can seem the loneliest day of the week.

As the Years have gone on I've begun to enjoy Sundays again. Some weekends I enjoy looking forward to the day I have the house to myself, the day the neighbours go out and its so peaceful where I live in rural Essex. Some Sundays I have my daughter, and even though we day not actually spend the day doing much we still have each other. Some Sundays are date day , although these aren't that often as most guys have their children on a Sunday.
Today I woke up not knowing what to expect. I had the potential for a date later on, but I haven't really heard from the Guy with firm plans. So instead of pining over the fact he obviously isn't that interested and is weighing up his options with a few women, I plan to claim this Sunday as Bonnies Sunday.
I have walked the dog in the glorious bright Winter sun, I have tidied up the garden and re potted some plants, I have done a small amount of housework and had a lovely soak in a bubble bath.
Today is my day. No man (even Gerard Butler, Jude Law or Robbie Williams) is going to intrude on my day. I plan to use the day to take my power back. Re group my feelings, find my inner love for myself again. Because if you cant love yourself you wont attract the right people into your life. I'm going to find my spark again.
And woe betide any man who decides to mess me around!

Oh yeah that's not me in my profile picture

So I find myself on line and I spot a nice looking chap. Lives fairly local, drives, single, no children, employed. All main boxes ticked. So I send him a message and we get talking.

From the start his messages are a bit off .As in they don't completely make sense or seem very over the top. Maybe its me, maybe I read far too much into peoples messages or texts.
Hi ya , it sure is a pleasure to meet a beautiful young mother here on this site whom I am attracted to. I love what i saw and read all about you. I am interested in knowing everything and hopefully meeting in person for a quiet drink and a long chat see if we can start a mew love story. You look really lovely with a wonderful smile. can I ask how many children you have? Do you drive? Please..... I am **** how nice to meet you xx

So aside from the small spelling error (forgivable) I found it a bit strange. Then the next message told me how he enjoyed being a Scout leader and then which street he lived on and his mobile number!
I was taken aback. I started to wonder if he was a bit unworldly if you know what I mean. But I continued to chat to him and eventually text him to make it simpler.
Then he sends me 3 photos of himself. I'm pleased to say not of his anatomy ! But it was becoming obvious from the photos that he looked completely different to his one profile photo (I know I broke my rule- 2 photos or no talky!)
So I asked the question:
"You look different in those photos to your profile?"
"Yes, that's because the site would not load me. So I used my twin brothers picture to get me started"

TWIN BROTHER!!?? 

So I checked "So your profile picture isn't you?"
" Its my brother **** as we are twins who is to notice the difference in us? If this bothers you and makes you want to go find someone else to talk to be my guest, its a free country"

I was gobbed smacked.  Okay so you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but come on! I have twin brothers, I went to school with a set of twins, my ex mother in law is a twin! They are each different to the other and there is no way my brothers would try and use each others photos as themselves (well I hope they wouldn't!). Maybe I will post a photo of my mother and say this is what I may look like in 25-30 Years time, or one of my daughter - actually no that's a bad idea ! The net is full of wrong uns already without encouraging them!

So no, I will not be talking to this lookalike again. If he can't be honest straight off he is not worth the future lies!