Runners and riders in this weeks dating grand national

So I find myself throwing myself back on the mercy of the dating sites. I have always used the same two main sites, dabbled around on a few others, but stick to these as they are free and generally well known. Some of the same faces are still there, but then so am I ! So as usual it starts with a mixed bunch - one random first message from one guy just said
" can i bite you"

Oh he had me swooning off my feet! Jerk ! At least show some effort and make the i a capital I, and the use of a question mark would be good !


My heart sank at the memory of how many lazy,rude blokes there are out there. But I rallied on and made some progress. I shall list this weeks contenders and a few that have fallen at the first post already. As my daughter claims I must have dated a guy from every letter of the alphabet (and a few repetitions of the same name!), I shall refer to them by initials!

S. He started off okay, but was on shaky ground with his previous form- only recently left the wife, currently living with parents. But he seemed to have stamina to keep up with the pack. Lost a few places with his suggestion of a first date on a Saturday night (every where is noisy and busy). Last heard of heading into town to meet his mates 3 days ago. Appears to have fallen at a fence and been put down.

R. Couldn't tell much by looking at him, his head guard(baseball cap) covered most of his face or pictures were too dark. Seemed okay over the first hurdles and then hit the water obstacle and drowned. He appears to have a phobia of anything non alcoholic/noisy when asked what do you do on nights out. His response was " I go see mates in Kent and usually end up getting wasted, though I'm not really a drinker. I'm an old skool raver so prefer good nights out.......( blah blah raves this,raves that),.. raindance ... I'm organising a night to Brighton head kandi then go to a proper club for an all nighter"   This bloke is 44 Years old. To me he sounds like he is trying to be a proper geezer ! Not my cup of tea at all.

P. Slow off the starting blocks with a day or so between first few messages. Then discover his main job is as a wedding dj so is pretty busy most weekends doing that. Lost a few places on the race course due to this. He is a dedicated dad with his kids living with him Monday to Friday. This could lead to problems in arranging time on the dating track and may become lame. Outsiders chance at the moment.

J. Recent addition to the dating national. Had listed he wasn't in for the long race, more a sprint short burst with high activity peaks and no commitment in between. Odds completely against this runner.

M. Had previous form a year or so ago. Saw his form back then and looked like it had potential. Two good runs out and then disappeared from the scene. Reemerged back on the circuit and promised a good sturdy race this time. Even stated he would attend a meet tonight, but has not been seen by his jockey since noon today. A doctors note will be required for him to re join the pack

G. Great starter. Instant wow factor. Appeared to get along with the jockey very quickly. Showed excellent potential in training on Thursday and Friday. Continual updates on his whereabouts, paid a lot of attention. Did admit he had other friend commitments over the weekend and asked to have a first real date on Wednesday. He nearly went off course when he flashed too much of his stallion in a video message, but appeared to have had a case of nervous excitement, so was let off with a warning. But appears to have gone off track. Not appeared for training or checked in since Saturday early evening before he went on a cross country course. If appearance is made tomorrow is likely to be pushed to the back of the pack. A serious investor such as myself should not be kept waiting for days on end. He should be chasing me.

So there we have it. Not a great bunch to start with, maybe more of a donkey
derby than a grand national ! Think I need to get some better carrots ! 

A case of not going out, not out out, but at all !

At my age I fully appreciate the fact that I am too old to be clubbing every weekend, or staying up to watch the sun come up, or getting drunk every Friday and Saturday night. BUT I still want to go out. You know, a nice meal, cinema, pub or bars even (so long as I don't feel like I am old enough to be every one else in there's mum ) or even just a walk in the countryside. But it appears the male species of the same age don't share this view.

 The last few guys I have met/dated (after a long chat with my dad we decided my last real love was 10 years ago, everything since then has been close friendship/ companionship, so they don't warrant being called real relationships, just dating) seem to all have the same lack luster approach to even venturing outside the house. They are all very quick to "get their feet under the kitchen table " and keep their arses on mine/their sofas. The whole going out seems to have stopped after the first (few if I'm lucky) dates. Don't get me wrong I enjoy sitting in watching a dvd,drinking a bottle of wine, etc. But I don't want to being doing that every night, or every weekend for the rest of my days. Especially not at a time when you should be going out having fun and enjoying each others company. One guy I recently met even thought it was acceptable to inform me that his youngest two children had come over and his 18 Year old daughter was also popping over, after I arrived at his flat (a 40 minute drive from mine). And this was only our third meeting ! To make matters worse after giving him another chance to redeem himself, the next time I drove down his mate was there ! Not exactly conducive to a romantic evening, especially when after his mate left his 18 Year old turned up again !

I don't expect to be going out every time I'm on a date, but I expect some sort of effort. To just turn up at my house, sit on my sofa, and play on your phone all night searching for Ebay bargains is not a good date. Its a piss take ! Or to be more interested in finding out if your ex is dating someone else than actually speaking to me is also not acceptable. Its also a bit hypocritical, when you had been seeing me for at least a month and a half and didn't think you should tell her about me! ( Don't worry at that point I had already come to my senses and finished it with him in my head. I just had to tell him !)

I don't think I'm being demanding. I think I just have some life left in me. As much as I want to settle down long term, I also want to have some fun enjoyable times. If I have to date and continue my search a lot longer to find a like minded man I will do. If that means I am classed as a serial dater then so what. At the end of the day I want to be happy. I can quite easily sit on my sofa with my dog if I want to stay home. Believe me she is probably more fun and better company than a lot of men I have had the misfortune of dating !

Missing- A key to the closet

I meant to write this blog months ago when it was fresh in my head, but I had a moral dilemma over it. As much as I have always said no matter how embarrassing the story is I will always write about it. I never mention names so no one can be embarrassed, but this one was really tough. I felt like I was crossing a line. But like everything it has a reason for happening, and in this case I think it serves as a privacy warning to us all. So I will start from the beginning, its only a short story, highly embarrassing all round, but might will make you chuckle- and me blush!

Once upon a time I received a message from a guy online. Lets call him Bob.  I checked out his profile- pictures a little bit grainy, no massive description, but nothing that should raise alarm bells or my excellent spidey powers.  So we started chatting- nothing deep and meaningful just the usual.  He didn't have any children, was not a massive football fan or beer drinking drunk, so when he suggested meeting for coffee on a Sunday lunchtime I thought what the hell I have nothing else planned. So we traded numbers.

That evening I was sofa surfing with my daughter and her boyfriend, watching the tele and just chilling out.  As a seasoned multi-tasker I started scrolling through my contacts on my phones  Facebook messenger.

Here's a tip for anyone who didn't know- the messenger syncs your phone contacts and adds to the list anyone on your phone to the messenger app if they have Facebook. They don't have to be on your friends list, but you can still see their public profile.

So suddenly up pops a name I don't recognise- for privacy sake lets say it said Shirley Temple. So obviously I take a look. I scroll through a few pictures, and can't seem to work out how I would know this person. So I decided to take a closer look at the pictures. It suddenly dawned on me that this woman, was or had been at some stage a man ! At this point my brain started working overtime. I started to scroll back across at the profile pics of Sundays coffee date and compare them to Shirley.
At this point my face was showing signs of confusion. So much so that my daughters boyfriend looked at me and asked if I was okay. I needed a second opinion, so I showed them the photos. They agreed with me that Shirley had to be him- the features matched up. I sat there in shock. Now I'm no prude, but to come across something like this was a bit mind blowing ! So I sent "Bob" a message. I explained I had been scrolling through my contacts and Shirley had popped up. It appeared to be connected to his phone number- how weird.   It took Bob an hour to reply.- actually just checked my phone- correction 2 and a half hours to reply. He said
 "That's strange. I did lend my phone to a friend the other week. They must have added my number to messenger and made a fake profile. Ill have to find out what they have done"
my reply- blunt I know but I was in shock
"Can't be that. This profile page has been running for a fair few years by the looks of it"
Another half hour wait and Bob texts back
"The only thing I can do is be honest and truthful. Yes I do cross dress. Yes I was going to tell you.  Shirley is my alter ego. Never realised that it matches up names and numbers on Facebook messenger.  I try to keep it a secret as family, friends and work don't know. If you feel that now u cant meet me I totally understand. Sorry again for telling a white lie."

At this point I kind of felt sorry for him.Poor bloke , some random woman has stumbled across his big secret.  I told him that as much as I admired his now honesty I didn't think I could handle it. He tried to persuade me that he now only dresses from time to time and he would try to make sure it didn't impact on my life. Thing is in my head I knew if I meet him I wouldn't be able to look at him without wondering or worst still giggling ! Plus how could it not impact on my life- he would have more lovely dresses than me and probably more shoes !


Once I got over the shock I called a very open minded male friend. Told him the story and showed him the pictures. His response -" He looks far better as a woman"  I hate to admit but I started to laugh ! It all suddenly seemed so funny. I have no issues with how anyone chooses to dress, or live or make themselves happy, just I wouldn't like to stumble across anyone's secret like that. It felt like I was invading their privacy.  The moral of this story is that everyone needs to keep a check on what they put out there on line. I am used to coming across peoples profiles of guys who are actually in relationships or have other names in real life to their screen dating profile, but a whole closet of secrets should be kept well hidden.

Tinker, Tailor, Soilder, Sailor ........

Rich Man, Poor man, Beggar man, Thief.

Yep, I can say I have pretty much met all of the above and many more !
I started to wonder if a persons employment does affect their behaviour, do they have a common thread that runs through them ? Should I be looking more for a profession than a person as such? Have I been chasing the wrong guy due to their work code or has it been just bad luck ? So I thought I would run back through a few. Okay I haven't meet a professional Tinker, or a tailor actually, but lets start with a few common ones......

Policeman- supposed to be morally upstanding, dependable, trustworthy, the up-stander for whats right and wrong in society. Erm, not from what I have experienced ! Id always heard never trust a policeman, they always have eyes everywhere and probably if not a wife, another girl elsewhere ! I have met at least three coppers. All nice guys on the surface- but none of them good at letting the past go, or another woman pass them by ! They believe themselves to be superior to anyone else. Not what I'm looking for thank you!

Firemen- have met/dated two, and I can honestly say in my opinion worse than Policemen! Both had their own warped sense of reality, or what was morally right from wrong. Its not actually the case they cant keep their hose pipe in their trousers. In these cases it was what went on in their heads that was the problem.Either morally wrong thoughts or lies and truth distortions.  I wont go in to details but let say I only want to see a fireman in an emergency in future !

Builders /plumbers/roofers- normally perceived as strapping big lads. The few I have dated haven't always been that type of build, and also against stereotype were not the type of guys to wolf whistle at anyone ! They were full of practical ideas for improvements- not to me to property/objects. But actually getting them to do the work was another matter! One was very money obsessed/ status lead and would happily work 7 days a week for some extra money. But obviously that was his money to be spent on him not for us to enjoy. After a few too many boys days/weekends/holidays and with me being told we couldn't go out as he had to save and replace the money he had spent on those trips I had enough! These guys are very laid back, everything can wait- always time for another cup of tea types. One trait I will give them as a bonus.

Drivers- bus/lorry/delivery. Sudden realisation as I wrote that sentence that these guys all seem to be shy, reserved and quiet in public. But with alcohol and on a one to one basis they become animals ! Maybe its the time they spend driving alone all day, but they seem to crave a womans body over her mind. Very physical human beings (I'm not complaining) but also hard to read and to actually find the man hidden below. I have known one for years and I still can't suss him out. I thought he was a womaniser, but the longer I have known him the more I think I was well off the scent. Unless he is the mastermind at lying !

Office workers/estate agents/sales reps. Although I have included Office workers I actually not sure if I can remember one ! Better cross them off my list

Estate Agents/Sales reps. Bizarrely enough they may love the sound of their own voice but they do tend to have a problem with listening to anyone else's. Their communication skills are pretty bad, and the intrusion of
a too quick text reply can send them into a melt down. They may be able to sell houses or paper etc but with matters of the heart they seemed to get flustered and tie themselves up in knots. Likeable guys as a rule, but tend to say what they think you want to hear and then turn it all around and accuse you of wanting more than them.

Ooo just remembered I did date an office worker- although he worked shifts but sat behind a desk  that was  what threw me off ! Now he was a very troubled man. Didn't know what he wanted. Maybe that's the shift worker pattern coming into its own. Firemen, police, warehouse men all shift workers who seem confused child like people who probably all should of had a more dominant mother in their lives !


At the root of it all though lays ones connecting factor. Me ! Maybe it is me after all ! Maybe they all lied when they uttered the words- "Its not you"

Oh god time for some more self analysis !

The strange are not just restricted to on line dating

So for the second time this Year I got set up with a friend of a friend.
Surely that means this Guy is normal ? (to be fair the first "date my mate" was normal and a great guy and we still communicate now - it just wasn't meant to be )
Surely as a friend of a trusted friend nothing could go wrong ? No skeletons in closets, no current emotional baggage as the friend should have filtered all that out before suggesting a meet.

Well reserve judgement !  Even friends of friends can have issues !
We chatted via texts and then agreed to meet up. All went well both times we met. He admitted he hadn't been looking for anyone in particular but when the mutual friend had suggested meeting me he thought why not ? He could be missing out on someone special (his words not mine !)
So what could go wrong ? Apparently something so simple as a text message was the catalyst for a melt down ! And I bet you all want to know what the text was that he sent ? Well this time it was me !! I am the bad one . The inappropriate texter.  The one that crossed the line.
Shame on me !!
Thing is I bet you can never guess what I wrote ? Something soo bad that he felt like telling me everything that was wrong with the way I behaved.
Ready for it . Here you go .....

" Hiya. Hope you having a good week. Weather here a bit pants but we are having a few day trips out so still enjoyable "

That sentence is apparently the worst text I could have sent. Want to know why? Here you go :

A few days previous he had text to say it was difficult to text as he was helping out an ex for a few days with babysitting duties.(not his child, not a long term relationship) He was staying there (alarm bell !!) and would be home again at the weekend. He suggested I text on the Saturday saying "Boo"

I sent the fated text on the Thursday afternoon. Now according to him that means I am totally incapable of following orders. That it meant he couldn't relax for fear of the phone going off.
My response "Oh sorry I didn't realise I had to act as if you were married "!!!!!
Seriously how on earth do I meet them ! A text as innocent as that to someone who is helping an ex out whilst she is working ( sent during work hours when my brain figured she wouldn't be around) then meant I wasn't trustworthy or worth the energy.

Help us all- the loony daters are escaping from the internet and flooding the real world !!

What is love ?

That's a big question to ponder.
Love is everything to some and a world of hurt to others.
It means different things to different people. In fact it even has different feelings for each person. Say for instance I could say I love my (currently imagined) fella, but it has a different meaning to telling my daughter that I love her.
Love is subjective.
 I love ice cream, but I wouldn't say I am in love with ice cream. Its not as if I want to marry it and set up home with it. Although a lifetime with ice cream would  be a happy existence- all be it a bit fattening!
Love is fickle.
Growing up you obsessed over the stars of the day- but now do you still dream of a life with them ?  Your first childhood crush- do you still feel the same about them as you did when you were 7 or 8 years old ? You love some one until they break your heart. Then your emotions change. Anger and hurt take the place of the love you once felt for them.
You have to fall in love and have your heart broken to know how it really feels to be so desperate for that person. Then you mend your heart and move on to the next. Only when you really fall deeply do you know how much joy and pain love can bring. But even that feeling varies from one to the next. And how do we really know what we feel is love and not lust, or compulsion or obsession?  That pain in your heart when they upset you? Is that proof of love or just pain of rejection and not getting what you want?
To break someones illusion of their love for you is heart breaking in itself. As much as you may know its the right thing to do, it is impossible to explain to the one who loves you. When asked the question "But you said you loved me ? What changed or did you lie?" there is no real answer. You can only explain your feelings, however superficial they may sound.
Everyone deserves and needs to feel loved on some level by someone or something. In the words of John Donne "No man is an island". At the same time no one deserves to be given false feelings or hope. Be true to yourself and those around you. Love walks hand in hand with happiness. Be free with the words "I love you" but be aware of sadness taking them away brings.

Love, Lust and friendship

I am currently in the midst of a house move (hopefully) and whilst clearing out the cupboards I have had time to reflect on the last three years of living in my home. This is the first house myself and my daughter have lived in without the presence of a permanent  male. We have had our ups and downs but we have managed with most things - even general DIY! But as much as I have embraced my own company in between the dating and short lived relationships, I know I am still looking for my match.

I have decided to start dealing with people the same way I deal with my household and personal items. At home, instead of hanging on to items that haven't seen the light of day for 6-12 months, I am ruthless and I put these items out. But with people I tend to cling on in the hope they might actually fulfill there potential purpose. This includes friends as well as potential suitors. Sometimes I am strict in my ways, for instance if a guy I am talking to starts sending me unwanted rude photos, I block them. If a guy doesn't text on a regular basis and seem keen, or they cease communication I delete their numbers after a week.

The problem comes with guys I have dated, liked and lost. I always let them come back into my life, with their empty promises of
 "Oh Bonnie I'm sorry , I have no excuse for not being in touch"
or my personal favourite:
"I'm so stupid I have a stunning woman whom I'm crazy about and I cant get it right . I'm a twit"

I'll tell you who is the stupid one- me !! For not blocking your sorry arse out my life the last time you pulled that line on me! Seriously, whats wrong with my brain sometimes. I go soft and mushy and develop selective memory. Well no more. from now on the old saying :

is what I will love by. I will waste no more time on people who didn't live up to the mark the first time around. Life is too short for me to be wasting any more time on these idiots who after all are only after an ego boost. When it comes to actually proving they " love you" they seem to be lacking. Actions speak louder than words.

I have also come to realise maybe they way we approach dating is all wrong. Not so much in how you find a potential mate, but in how you move forward. So many times we fall for someone on looks or the date itself, as opposed to the important thing- the person they are inside. Anyone can buy nice clothes, take you to fancy restaurants, wine & dine you and shower you with goods. But would you still be interested when he or she is lazing around in their shorts and t-shirt at the weekend ? Could they keep your attention by talking about their day ? Do you even notice the little things in them? Their eye colour, the way they make a joke to ease the seriousness of a subject? How they like you to stroke their back or run your fingers up their arm to comfort them?
Maybe the best way is actually to be friends first. To learn about each other, what makes them tick. As opposed to how someone tries to impress you. Love is like a marathon, its not a short sprint. Burn out too quickly and once the glitter has gone, there is nothing left. Start at a steady relaxed pace, both being yourselves, and you find out if you really can make each other happy or if it is just a lustful need you want satisfied. An itch you need scratching. From now on I will be looking underneath the sugar coasting for the man I can curl up next to in my joggers and not be judged for it.
If he accepts me in my dungeree shorts- hes a true keeper!