There is a reason for them being an Ex

I had planned to write a full and frank blog last week when two exs got back in touch. But after sleeping on it a few days (the idea not on them!) I decided why waste all my time and effort on people that clearly aren't worth a second thought. There is a reason that things didn't work out with either of them (both completely different reasons) and I should always remember to not look back with regret or thoughts of "what if".
To be honest one of these guys I'm glad he seems to have finally moved on in his life. We parted 2 years ago, but that hasn't stopped him from trying it on again, asking me to meet him at various points over the last few years. I have met up with him in the past, but only as friends as that makes it easier. Had a chat few drinks and parted company. Last week I found out he is to become a dad again. It turns out he has been seeing this girl for the last 18 months on and off. I honestly hope it works out for him and I wish them the biggest luck in the world. I'm not bitter, to me it just goes to show how fickle some blokes are. Looks to me like every time it want going right for them he would come sniffing back round me. I'm glad I stuck to my guns.
As for the other one, well it happens to be the one who broke my heart at Christmas. He got back in touch after noticing we were no longer friends on Facebook. To be honest I was shocked it took him a month to notice- bearing in mind the profession he is in! If he isn't that observant I don't think the streets are safe at night! I had deleted his number but worked out who it was. He said he missed me and wanted to be friends. He had met someone else but it only lasted two weeks. Then suddenly the messages changed and he got very flirty dirty. We agreed to meet up for coffee (as friends ) and see how we got on. I told him I didn't know if I wanted to punch him for what he did to me or if I could just be friends with him. He said he didn't want a relationship with anyone, he preferred being single.
So what happens- 3 days later and 2 days before we are meeting for coffee he texts and says 'Ive meet someone new, I thought it was best I told you'. Honestly! I told him a few home truths and wished him luck! I also took the liberty to cancel our coffee - because as far as I was concerned we were meeting as friends, but going on past experience he was bound to cancel anyway! I give that 3 weeks before hes bored and single again. I get the feeling he likes the first few weeks with someone new, and then when you find your feet with each other he gets itchy feet and runs away!
Both of these guys are well and truly out of my life for good now. I have plenty of male friends and don't need to be used as a spare part or back up when they are bored. But it just goes to show leopards don't change their spots. People from your love relationship past should stay just there- in the past. Look back on some great memories but for gods sake dont let them into your future!

Dont waste my time!

So yet again I find myself being led a merry dance! This time from a guy who is on a paid for dating site. I thought at least if you're spending money on looking, then you are actually willing to chat and actually meet up! But no! The curse of Bonnie strikes again!
This one seemed very keen to start with, table tennis texting, wanted to meet up, didn't want to wait to long and wanted to meet up over the weekend. Friday and Saturday he bbm's constantly. Sunday- not a dicky bird except mid morning- "sorry manic day be free later. " So I back off. And hear nowt!
Jesus lads ! If you really aren't ready for commitment of meeting someone, or you already have a girlfriend and you are just playing the field, stop being so full on! I can even guess he is telling his mates " Oh she came on too strong to me, she was a bunny boiler". Er No ! I played the game at the speed you were! Then you vanished !
IDIOT!!!! (Him not me!)
I'm not a bad person, I have a sense of humour, not pig ugly, not rude or nasty, so why is it so hard to find someone to lurve me?
And while I'm at it as much as I know writing this blog means the whole world can see whats happened/happening in my life I don't take kindly to being ripped to pieces for my bad luck ! Especially by people close to me.
So friends- think before you mock the single people. You never know even though you are happy now nothings guaranteed forever.

Long distance Loving

Years ago in my first attempt at Internet dating I got chatting to a Guy who lived over 3 hours drive away from me. I'd had a long distance relationship previously but that was slightly different as he came from my local area and happened to be away at Uni "up North". So I knew he would be home weekends etc. So when I first chatted to this northern lad I was honest and said its too far to travel. I had a job and a daughter to work round so long weekends away would involve a military style operation. He told me he was a long distance driver so didn't see it as being a major problem. We did eventually hook up- half way between our homes in Peterborough ( still an hour and half away from home) and met up on a fair few occasions when both our work schedules and child free evenings allowed. ( I will admit I wasn't the most sensible person the first time I met him. If I heard anyone else say they were driving that far to meet a stranger at a hotel Id call them crazy and did they realise they could end up front page bad news ! But I was lucky and I did tell at least 2 people where I was going, gave all his details to them and checked in with them every few hours.)

But as with all these things the reality hits and you realise its impossible to pop round to see them for a coffee, or have a cosy impromptu night in with a dvd as you have to always plan ahead.
So now I have a rule- the distance has to be less than 45 minutes apart- although I'm thinking nearer half an hour is better. Not only do I have a teenage daughter to plan my social life around, I also have the dog (although she is supposed to be my daughters responsibility!). The logistics of a date become a nightmare if someone lives further away from me than work (a 45 minute drive) and I sometimes find myself staying over at my mums house with her dog sitting just to save myself some petrol from not having to drive all the way home again. In fact in the last week I did just that. Met a lovely guy for a drink but after a few days thinking about it we both admitted its too far to travel. You end up spending your life in your car driving back and forwards and it takes the spark and enjoyment out of dating.
Don't get me wrong, long distance can work. But you have to be trusting of each other and both prepared to put the miles in (and spend more money on petrol than on your night out!). The biggest issue for me with the distance is that I live somewhat out in the sticks! So the first 15 minutes of my 45 minute radius is full of empty fields or the cold sea!  I'm kind of pushing myself out of the market and cutting down my potential search area!
But then if I met the right guy he wouldn't mind the drive to see me, with the prospect of lovely country walks together and watching the boats from the pub garden. Its just judging it right I guess.

Standing in the Car Park alone

So I have to admit I have been stood up twice. Ok not counting the " I'm not feeling well/ somethings come up" texts I have received less than 12 hours before a designated first date. They don't count. The are annoying mind you! But you get to realise the something that's come up is usually something men have in their trousers after some other girl has shown some interest in them! Its the law of averages- you win some you loose some!
So twice I have actually been left waiting for someone who isn't going to show up. For this reason I normally like to meet people in the car park as opposed to inside the bar/pub as you don't look like such a Muppet waiting for someone who isn't going to show up. I think its harder for a female to walk in a place she doesn't know on her own anyway. Even in this modern world  a pub is still predominantly a mans domain.
Let me set the scene for my embarrassing moment:
I was on line one Sunday afternoon and the weather outside was nice. I had spoken to this guy - lets call him Simon (cos that is his name according to his profile!) a few times previously but he then had vanished. The conversations had never been specific, he didn't ask anything about me or my life at all. So suddenly he pops back on and asks me if Id like to walk my dog with him that afternoon. I was a bit weary as I hadn't heard from him for a few months, and when he then asked when were my kids home (I only have 1 so shows how he paid no attention) I was quite blunt and said " I have to say it sounds like you want to meet up and then just go back to someones" . He got offended by this slightly and said "No, I just think its best to talk face to face". So I agreed to go on the dog walk, and got myself sorted out whilst I waited for him to pick me up. Now normally I wouldn't ask anyone to come to mine before I had met them somewhere neutral, but to be honest I couldn't be bothered to drive anywhere and it was on his way anyway.
So an hour later I'm still sat at home waiting for him to turn up. ( No this isn't how I got stood up- it gets better!) I send a text asking if he has got lost, thinking at the same time he has stood me up. The reply came back- "No I'm waiting at Bradwell for you". "Oh, I'm sorry I thought you were picking me up.Never mind I will grab the dog and drive down. Are you in the Car park by the Chapel?" "Yep that's the one" " I will be 15 minutes".
So I got the dog, jumped in the car and drove down there. I pulled into the car park and could only see Couples in Cars or empty Cars. Okay maybe hes waiting by the Chapel. So I get out the car with the dog and send the text "Are you waiting somewhere?" 
Silence- No reply
So now I start to think Ive been stood up. So I walk the dog and send a message that says
"Okay well done You sent me on a wild goose chase. Never mind at least the dog gets a walk"
and then for good measure another one 5 minutes later that just said
"COCK"
As I continue on the dog walk, my phone battery dies, and I try to not see the bad in every male of the population, or join the men haters of the world, when a sudden thought dawns on me
" Oh crap he knows where I live- what if he is currently robbing my house!"
I had to laugh- that would be just my luck!
When I returned home everything was still there (not that I have a lot worth taking ). But let this serve as a lesson to all (including myself, who I admit must have got a bit slack over the safety rules with this one!). Don't let any stranger know where you live- not everyone is as honest as yourself.

Ping Pong Texting

The frequency of texting a new "mate/date" is always a difficult thing to judge. Do you go full throttle and text constantly or play it cool and text once or twice a day? I'm so impatient and a self confessed textaholic (my friend used to use my texting frequency to sell bolt on packages at the mobile shop she worked at!) that I have to restrain myself from texting too much to anyone. The last couple of days have shown me both sides of the argument. My dear male friend passed a comment that sometimes you find yourself coming across as needy in a game of table tennis texting. We have all done it- you get uber excited about a new potential lurve interest and start texting backwards and forwards without pausing for breath or thinking about the potential risk of RSI of the finger digits (I swear in years to come there will be a medical term called Text thumb from the over use of texting!). You spend every waking moment thinking of something Witty to say or a bizarre strange question to ask, then when you do eventually meet you have run out of steam! You find yourself staring at your phone waiting for it to flash with a new message. The problem with this method is also the fact that once you have met and if your lucky you start dating, the frequency of the texts will slow down naturally. That then starts a small paranoia moment of you thinking they have lost interest as they don't respond within 30 seconds. Woe betide any man who doesn't take his phone to the bathroom with him and not return a text straight away!
But then only texting once a day is the opposite end of the scale. If you find the only conversation is "Hi how are you?" and "I'm fine how are you?" then take my advise don't waste another text on that person! Also if you find its always you initiating the texts then again that tends to mean they aren't thinking of you as much as they should be. Don't get me wrong, we all lead busy lives but it only takes a few minutes to send a text, if that. So there is no excuse for not sending a text to someone who has taken the time to text you and shown an interest in you.
For instance if you meet up with someone and the date isn't a disaster, I believe its good manners to send a text afterwards to say "was really nice to meet you...." followed by either "be nice to see you again" or "I'm sorry but I can only see this being a friendship" . To not bother at all is just bad manners. But then why waste anymore time on someone who wont even be civil!
Funnily enough I just found something I wrote about a year ago on the same issue:
" I took the executive decision this morning to delete all the names from my mobile of the guys who haven't put enough effort into keeping in touch with me- the ones who showed potential but didn't follow through. I was proud of myself for being strong and having a sense of pride in not wasting anymore time on said men. So what happens tonight-one of them decides to send me a text! This was obviously in response to a text I had sent over 48 hours ago! Balls! Now do I bother to text back - and if so how do I work out which man it is? Or do I stick to my guns and ignore it. Bear in mind they obviously weren't interested enough to text me back within the day of me sending the text!
Decision made- sod it! The anonymous man just isn't worthy of my attention. You see we girls still like to have men chase us rather than the other way round. I know in this day and age of modern equality it shouldn't be like that. But lets face it, every girl deep down wants to see a man take charge. It stems back to reading too many fairy tales as children, we still want to be rescued from the clutches of lonely singledom by our knight in shining armour on his white charger."

So what is the answer? Buggered if I know! I now text when it seems right too, and if I start to get the feeling I'm only getting sporadic responses or a few texts not actually asking about me then I stop wasting my time. Sometimes you have to just give up and not take it personally. Its hard but at the end of the day do you really want to waste any more time on someone who just isn't into you?

Red Trousers and a Little Black Dress

If any one would have told me Id be sitting here writing about a guy in Red Trousers I would have guessed it would be a horror story. But for once I was actually impressed!
Last night I had a lovely first date with a guy (yes you Rich!). He got bonus points for researching and finding a restaurant near me that he guessed I had never been to before. He picked me up (ok ten minutes late but that's forgiven as he text to apologise for running late) and even opened the car door for me like a true gent.
We had a delicious meal in a lovely restaurant (Swallowtail in Burnham on Crouch, on the marina) and I thoroughly enjoyed his company.  I had spent the best part of yesterday trying to decide what to wear as I'd never been to this restaurant and didn't want to be overdressed. On the advise of a good mate and my father I plumped for my faithful little black dress that regardless of where I am I know I feel wonderful in it. Even a wobble over shoe options didn't seem to worry me too much- I was in my favourite dress.
As for the red trousers (well claret or burgundy really) - well he certainly knew how to carry them off ! I never would have thought Id like a man in red trousers but he proved me wrong! He was immaculately dressed and a real pleasure to be with. He made me laugh, smile and didn't looked bored when I rambled on far too much!
I am truly looking forward to my second date !

A friend for life

I haven't just met complete idiots on line. I have made a few good friends, at least one of which I hope will be a lifetime friend.
Like every other man I met him on line. We messaged then texts then had very long telephone conversations and hit it off. We arranged to meet and got on great. After 3 dates he sent me a text which said "Bonnie I think I should let you spread your wings like a butterfly and fly"  I have the utmost respect for him, that he saw that although we got on like a house on fire it wasn't going to go any further.
Now he has become a very dear friend to me. Rightly or wrongly I do turn to him for advice. As a man he can understand the workings of a male brain better than I can (even with all my years experience). He tells me how it is, that I shouldn't give people soo many chances as they will take advantage of my kind nature and big heart. We have both been through a fair few dates, and both seem to be fixers. We both date people who need some sort of help, and then once we sort them out they then bugger off and meet someone else.
He is always there to listen to my random moaning, my latest dilemmas, and my epic fails. He never judges me and has a deep understanding of the way of the dating world.
Someday we will both meet our soul mates, who will make all these bad dates seem a distant memory. In the mean time he will have to put up with my ramblings !
If nothing else, at least the internet bought him into my life. You are a true friend Mr Stone and I look forward to reading your dating book when its written!