Excuses Excuses

In all my years of dating I have heard some poor excuses as to why men cant meet up for a date (let alone why they aren't ready for a relationship but that's a whole different blog!) But the one that comes up time and time again is illness. I'm not talking major illness here, just the common all garden cold and flu that seems to render most men incapable of going on a date. They say women are the weaker sex but in my view either men are completely useless at dealing with a sniffle or its just the easiest lie to tell that pops into their heads. In fact given the poor specimens I have met Id say the latter!
Take this as a prime example, lets call him Anthony :
First date- goes very well, interest from both sides, body language looking good, smiles all round etc. Second date arranged for a few days later, instigated by male so I know I'm not being pushy.
The days in between constant stream of texts back and forth.
Day of the date- radio silence. So lunchtime after no reply from a morning text to Anthony, I send a text - "everything okay? still on for tonight?"
Two hours later "er sorry my sons not well and I'm just sorting him out. May have to re arrange tonight, Its not  a blow out I promise, when are you next free?"
I reply with "Tuesday, hope he gets better soon"
And then more radio silence.
The following morning I receive a text- "sorry didn't get home till 12.30"
Now alarm bells ring. Okay his son might have been poorly, but I know his son was only at Anthonys till 6pm, so where the hell has he been? (that sounds like me being a stalker- its not its just a genuine thought) I give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe his son is very poorly and ask "aw whats the matter was it serious?"
Reply " He was being sick "
My response "poor boy. Hope he gets better soon. Would you like to rearrange ?"
" Well the thing is I don't want to make any plans till hes better again"
What??? It's a sickness bug! He hasn't lost a limb or been diagnosed with a serious illness, or even been to hospital. Plus he doesn't live with him just visits at weekends!!
Holy moley I've heard them all now!
Lads just be honest with us women. We would rather know the truth and where we stand than be led a merry dance! Time is precious and rather than me waste my days thinking you are interested, tell me sooner rather than later.
In future if a guy says " Sorry I have a cold can we rearrange?" He will find himself on the end of Bonnies "No radio contact" 

I hate being ignored

I have come to the conclusion I can deal with rejection a dam sight better than being ignored. Years of internet dating has taught me not to take it personally when things don't work out. Usually its me saying "I'm sorry but its just not going to go anywhere", although I have been told the same.
But the one thing I can't cope with is being ignored. It leaves you wondering where you stand, and there's nothing I hate more than someone not being man enough to tell you what exactly is going on.
Maybe its just me, maybe I'm a stress head, a control freak, or maybe it is just because I like to know who is walking the same path as me, by my side. I'm pretty good at reading the signs, but some people blow hot and cold and it is just too confusing even for lil old me!
Its not that I even want to know someones every move, just the simple things (as I've mentioned before) like knowing when you can see each other next, what you fancy doing, or even if you are having a bad day. As isn't that the point of a relationship? You are in it together and share the fun times and the burdens of life? Ease the load on each others shoulders?
Maybe I try too hard in trying to please people and loose sight of the real me.  But then maybe I'm not. Maybe I have just come to realise some people are better at hiding things than others. Although now I think about it, when someone is shying away from showing me attention it tends to mean they have shut me out already. If that's the case then they don't deserve my attention. We only get one life, and sometimes as much as its the hardest thing to do, you just have to walk away from people you care about. If they cant smile on their own and see whats in front of them, then you have to save yourself heart ache and walk the path alone.

Stopping to smell the flowers

After a wonderful weekend, reality hits back by Tuesday. Its amazing how quickly we all get bogged down in the normality of work, food shopping, cooking, housework etc. I have come to the decision I need to slow down and stop to smell the flowers planted along my path.

I won't say too much about my weekend, I want it to stay as one of "our" special memories for now (plus I don't want to jinx things!). But I will say it was everything and more. We spent time just sitting and relaxing and enjoying the tranquility away from the normal rat race. It was idyllic, even the weather held off. I don't think I have smiled and laughed so much in ages. I can't thank him enough for whisking me away and spoiling me. Thank you (I know you are reading!)
But now its back to work and the usual hum drum days. I keep stopping and looking back at the weekend and giggling over a private joke or smiling at the memory of a certain moment. Its made me realise I am always in such a rush. I can be the most impatient person in the world. I have to slow down and enjoy each moment given to me. Life as we all know is far too short.
Relationships are always a rollercoaster. From the initial throes of giddiness and excitment, to the times spent apart pining for each other. The first steps can seem so tough, while you get to know each other and their traits. What they like, what winds them up, when its best to talk on the phone, or do they hate texting, pet peeves, when do you both decide to come off dating sites or announce your new relationship status. But its all a learning curve. I know I'm impatient, I can talk/text too much, I have a small paranoia streak and a normally well hidden small fear of rejection and loneliness. But on the plus side I'm always there for someone, I listen, I'm very caring, I giggle and I try not to take life too seriously. I always find myself worrying about how I come across. I need to just stop and remember that everyone is human. I'm not supposed to be a superstar or expected to be blessed with hidden powers that mean I never do any thing wrong. I am an individual - I'm unique- just like the white Peacock we saw, and I shouldn't be trying to blend in, I just need to be me. We all make mistakes and we all have a past. Its how you enjoy the present and each others company that matters.

 I do believe though that relationships get harder as we get older. Not only do we all have more things to juggle (Kids, sports, mates, work etc) but we also have past experiences we judge people and relationships on. When you're a young teenager in love life is relatively easy. As you get older we tend to get worried about being hurt (can I do this again? Am I too old etc), or is someone lying to us, hiding a secret family, a massive debt, or playing the field. You lay your heart on the line each time and pray that no one will break it.

 So from here on in I promise to take each day as it comes. I'm going to look forward to more good times because I know they will be coming. But I'm going to pay attention to the here and now.  Now is the time to learn about each other, the small things that matter and how to control my worry of rejection.

I'm taking my time to stop and smell the flowers!

Its the little things that matter

I'm definitely not materialistic, and it shows in the things that matter to me. To me I'd rather have a wonderful life with loved ones and simple things, than a big house, holidays and a empty heart.
I'm always interested in knowing the silliest things about dates- for instance- the first car they drove, or the first record they bought, favourite sweets as a child. I pay attention to what they talk about, what they love (from films, to football teams to music) and hope at the same time they pay attention to at least the odd word out of my mouth! Because of this I like to buy small gifts or do something that is personal to them. For instance, a guy I dated loved The Big Bang Theory (a comedy tv series about 4 geeks and a girl who lives across the hall) and we shared a joke one evening about ransom notes. So a few nights on I sat in my living room and cut out letters from a newspaper, arranged them into a quote from the programme, took a photo and sent it to him. He found it very funny and sweet.
In the same way years ago in Barcelona I saw some lovely Blue Roses in the market. They were so unusual and I made a comment to the then boyfriend about them. A few weeks later on Valentines day, flowers were delivered to my home and to my surprise and delight it was half a dozen Blue Roses. It meant so much more to me than any big romantic gesture could ever have done.
Its the small things that matter to me rather than the big ones. Silly things bug me, like for instance if a guy was to say " Oh I saw these really cool VW coasters that you would love. I was going to get them for you but I didn't" Erm kiss of death! I hate the words "I was going to" either do something or don't mention it! I remember an occasion where the man (if you could call him that) I was with rang me one morning. He lived about 45 minutes away from me and was wandering round his local market.

"Hi, I've just seen a great dress you would like to wear around the pool on Holiday- its only a tenner"
"Cool, can you get me one please?"
"well I don't know what colour you want" 
"Whats the options?"
"Blue, green, pink or what size to get you, look it might be best if you come down yourself and pick one" 
"so let me get this straight, you want me to drive 25 odd miles to come and look at a ten pound dress that you are standing next to?"


Honestly! Some men just do not understand how to earn brownie points! Its quite simple:
Listen to what your lady gets excited about (and I don't mean in the bedroom in this instance!)
If you see a little gift buy it for her
Do not say "I was going to but"- just don't say anything about it
Call her or text her out of the blue with those 3 little words. Just so she knows she is on your mind

See easy! Take me on a picnic to my favourite beauty spot, with my favorite foods will gain many many more brownie points than an expensive posh restaurant any day!

That nagging feeling

As a semi professional dater I tend to spot signs that something isn't right quite quickly. Sometimes though I am fooled into believing I'm wrong and just being paranoid. But I think my spidey powers are pretty good and unfortunately again they seemed to have sniffed a little white lie or two that someone has told me.
Now I'm all for Little white lies when need be (I work in customer services so its a part of my working day!) but when someone tells a few porkies it tends to mean you cant trust them or anything they say.
For instance- this one started off with a lie about his age (said 34 when he is in fact 38- but who knows maybe that's a lie too!) and I have my nagging doubts about his occupation, which he had until last week and then changed jobs. He claimed to be a fireman - but never worked nights and always had bank holidays off. Now hes a bus driver- but I have a feeling that's what he was all along. Not that there is anything wrong with being a bus driver- its a job at the end of the day and they are few and far between at the moment. But why lie? The truth comes out in the end . As I started to have my doubts I took to a search on Facebook - to which he claims not to have an account. Erm slight truth in that matter- he doesn't have one, he has two! One states hes single, one states hes in a relationship! He told me they split up in January, but more snooping reveals they were together in February when he posted an "I love you" comment on her page, and she is noted as ending the relationship only at the beginning of April.
Either way I'm starting to remember that we originally talked back in December - I remember him saying he wasn't going out for New Years Eve as he had been out the night before. So when ever they did split up he certainly wasn't single back then!
Moral of the story is dont tell little white lies that can easily be found out! I'm no detective or secret agent, or a stalker for that matter, but I unravelled the story pretty quickly!
In my eyes I think a liar is worse than a cheater. But then neither are top quality human beings! I'm no Miss Innocent and I've made some clangers in the past. But I'm far too old for game playing.
So if anyone asks yes I am single again, because I deserve respect and the truth. I'm not ashamed of being single, or hide the number of guys I have met (okay even I have lost count!). I'm me and eventually my time will come !

Loving yourself

Forgive me Blog followers for I have sinned. Its been nearly a month since my last blog and I know you are all waiting patiently for the next dating disaster to hit your screens! Sorry- its unforgivable I know, but to be fair I had a computer malfunction so for a week or so I had no way of composing this.
Well I'm back now with a new story. Although today isn't about a bad horrific date or a funny on line story. Its just about me and my opinion on a few things.
Although saying that there is a funny story that starting my whole rambling thoughts off. This weekend just gone I found myself at a family function- my youngest nephews Christening. A lovely family day where unlike at a wedding you dont feel that singled out for not being in a couple. During the afternoon my wonderful mother called me over to talk to some of my brothers old school buddies. She was telling them all about her daughters dating blog and my disasters. Not a bad start, until my mother uttered this fateful sentence (although I'm guessing she will deny saying this!)
"The problem  with Bonnie is that when men she meets find out shes a psycho it scares them off"
I kid you not! That was the actual word she used! I was gobsmacked! My mother calling me  a psycho! It took a few moments for me to realise that wasn't the word she meant to use and all was quickly corrected. Her mouth and brain weren't in sync with each other and she had insulted her daughter in error.
But it got me thinking- maybe I am just misunderstood. I honestly don't think 'Im hard work to get on with, I'm not a demanding princess, nor am I high maintenance (although I am prone to the odd mood swing or temper tantrum but as a female I  am allowed to have those!)I'm your typical girl next door type, who likes the countryside, nights out with friends, a good giggle and a nice hug. Okay I do have the odd trait thats a bit bolder than most, but thats what makes me Bonnie. Im unique. And so is everyone else.
And that is why I am happy. Im happy being Bonnie- single, dating, in a relationship or otherwise. I like how I am, I like me. A lot of people don't like themselves or haven't got around to finding out about themselves, which is why they arent happy in their relationships. How can you expect someone to love you when you don't love yourself. You have to know what you want in life to find the right person or people to travel the road with you. Don't get me wrong, Im still learning what I want from life, and I still will change or adapt to whatever happens to me. I have pointers I look for in a potential mate (only 3 mind- too many leads to failure), I know what interests me (simple things mainly) and what I dont like (rollercoasters that turn you upside down and baked beans - yuk!) but Im also open to new ideas or experiences. And somewhere out there is the man to share those things with me. Maybe I've just found him, maybe I haven't. Who knows, either way I won't let it get me down. I am after all a bouncing ball - I will always bounce back, maybe not so high each time, but always with a smile and a story to tell after each encounter. Talking of encounters I worked out how many men I have had dates with this year alone! wow! Next blog I promise to list them (or their alter egos to save their identities) and briefly explain why they werent my prince.

The secret Spy & old photos.

I might have mentioned this subject before - profile pictures. Now basically with on line dating (and also when you meet people out and about) the first thing you are interested in is how they look. You have to find them attractive. There is no point in striking up a conversation with someone who you don't like the look of, because those magic sparks wont fly when you kiss. Its more of a turn off than on!
Recently a guy sent me a message through a site asking to chat. I replied that I don't talk to people without Photos. May sound shallow but that's my rule and I'm sticking to it (well I should do!) He told me he worked for the Government and people he worked for told him that its so easy to become a victim of identity theft through dating sites, so he doesn't show his picture. I did find this a bit extreme, but he begged to send me a picture so I agreed. I gave him my email address (a back up one with no mention of my full name on!) and waited for the picture. As usual it turns out the real reason he didn't show himself on line was because he was blooming ugly! Sorry sounds harsh but its the truth!
I did my usual "I'm sorry but your not my type" and blocked him from viewing me anymore.
A week or so later I was on another dating site and out of nowhere pops this profile up- Its the secret Spy! But this time with a photo! I was so tempted to send him a message saying " Don't they take your identity from this site?" but that would have meant he then had my profile details- so I decided to leave well alone and block him on there too!
I promise myself never ever to talk to anyone without a picture ever again!
On the same type of subject, I always wonder how old some peoples profile pictures are. As I had my hair cut short 2 years ago I cant get away with any older pictures than that. But some people do seem to! I met a guy once who when I asked how old his photos were he replied oh only a few months old. Turns out via a snoop on Facebook these pictures were actually over 3 years old! Okay some people don't change that much but come on talk about false advertising! I also chatted to a guy in the last few weeks that each time I looked at his profile his age had changed! He went from being 36, to 32, to 28 in a matter of days! When questioned he replied it was so the older ladies wouldn't find him in a search! So if he was lying about his age what else was he lying about! Some people just cant help themselves!