A clear head and an open heart

After a night out comes the hangover. A day wasted recovering. But the day after that is always a reflective one on my part. Not that I have done anything wrong on my night out. More that it sharpens my mind to how I waste time or energy on people who clearly I shouldn't. It's like a cleansing of the soul. It's like the sun has risen up on a clear morning and the hazy clouds have parted.

My inner thoughts come to the surface and I finally act on them. As much as it's painful to do , the realisation that no matter how hard you try some people are only meant to be in your life for a short period of time . The cracks that showed before are still there. No bandage will cover them. Any words Spoken are still empty of true meaning. Some people hope and dream for something special , but in reality it takes more effort than they are willing to make. 

Other people make the effort , but my heart does not beat fast for them. The feelings can't be forced. The reason it never worked in the past lost in a haze. It's like meeting a stranger but knowing something stops you connecting with them. 

My night out makes me realise I have some true friends. People who came into my life to not be partners in love but partners in crime. Those fun nights out drinking , putting the world to rights, laughing and just enjoying the time together. You say goodbye knowing you may not meet up again for a while but can still pick up where you left off. They don't judge your life choices and I don't judge theirs. You are both just happy to find a kindred spirit to let loose with. 

I want more of these times. I've spent too long looking for someone to devote my whole time too. Don't get me wrong. I still want that. I just want friends around me to share moments with more. So then when I do finally find that elusive beating heart they are there to share my joy. 

Who wants to be happy but lonely ? Not me for sure.